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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ihatemylife1 Offline
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writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 19th 2011, 10:44 PM

I have eaten dinner and almost time for me to go to bed. My brother has gone over his gf's house. So it's just me and dad home. Last night I slept under my best friend's window. I had just really not wanted to be at home. With them, I can't do that tonight. I totally creeped her out. Itwas stupid. I just needed a day away. But I'm realizing I can't handle it to live here. Running awau won't change anything I'll either find a guy who will do the same thing to me. I rather do sex with daddy and my bro than to do it with any bum on the street. At this point I know suicide is really the only way out. I want to write a note about the sexual abuse and kill myself after he does it. So they can find evidence. I just want if I'm going to die for him to go down as well as in for it to be found out that is why I killed myself. But I feel ashamed how people will think of me when it comes out. What nearly 16 year old boy can not defend himself? I feel worthless people will know that.

Last edited by ihatemylife1; June 19th 2011 at 11:02 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 19th 2011, 10:55 PM

Sweetie, I happened across your other thread. I am so so sorry you've had to deal with this; no one should.

If I had advice to offer besides going to the police, I would offer it. But I am completely unaware of how to address such a problem. Perhaps you could call the police and tell them exactly what is going on. I know you're concerned they can't do anything because he's wearing a condom when he does it, but there's bound to be some way they can work out with you that'll prove what's being done. If anything maybe contact social services?

I can imagine how hard this is for you, just from reading your posts. But please please don't kill yourself. There's bound to be someone on here who can help if the police/social services can't.

Please PM/VM/Add me if you want someone to talk to. Like I said I don't have much advice I can offer but I'm willing to help any way I can.


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 19th 2011, 11:02 PM

hey ,

i have no idea what you've been through , but i do know what it feels like to be suicidal , and i know it seems like its the only way out of the pain , but its not worth it , so please i beg dont kill yourself .

and i dont know how to help you but as "Intoxicated Brutality" said , maybe you should go to the police or something !

keep safe , be brave
pm/vm any tyme , i will help out how ever i can , or just a friend


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
ihatemylife1 Offline
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 19th 2011, 11:06 PM

I have a phone. I've thought of... But I just couldn't go through people hearing it. That's why I don't want to be around when it happens.

Last edited by ihatemylife1; June 19th 2011 at 11:20 PM.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 19th 2011, 11:12 PM

You have to try and be strong sweetie. I know it's hard to do. But you have so much in your life you should be able to enjoy and experience. If you end it all because of what they do to you, you won't get that chance. It's not fair to you for you to not be able to enjoy your life to it's extent. Is there any friends or parents of friends or teachers or a counselor you could talk to before you go to the police? Or that maybe you could talk to about this so they can help you?

If you're afraid of what people may think, don't be. It's not your fault.


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 19th 2011, 11:19 PM

Oh, or you could possibly write a note/letter to the parent of a friend/friend/teacher/counselor. That may be easier than saying what's been going on. You may even be able to mail it to the police station or something


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
ihatemylife1 Offline
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 02:06 AM

I know but I couldn't live where people knew me for that. I just don't think I could go on that way.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 02:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatemylife1 View Post
I have a phone. I've thought of... But I just couldn't go through people hearing it. That's why I don't want to be around when it happens.
Kid... I know it's hard, to reach out for help, sometimes. I haven't had anything like this ever happen to me, but I can pretty much guess how hard it would be. I'm pretty good at putting myself in other peoples' places, inside my head.

If I was in your position, I would be terrified out of my mind. I'd be angry, and I'd feel utterly helpless. I wouldn't want to reach out for help, because I'd be afraid that people would laugh at me, feel sorry for me; I'd be afraid that people would poke fun at me because they thought I was weak, or I'd be afraid that they'd just send me back to live with my dad and brother on lack of evidence, and everything would go back to being the same.

Kid, you have to get past those fears.

Sure, they could laugh at you, they could call you weak. Sure, you wouldn't like having to tell someone, to feel so vulnerable and embarrassed. But you have to learn to lift up your chin, gather your courage, and defeat your own fears: Someone out there will listen to you, someone out there will hear you. Someone out there will care. And that someone will make damned well sure to get you out of your house. Even if it's just the cop who listens to your testimony, or the judge who's jury failed to get you out of your house: Someone will get you justice.

EDIT: And if you're afraid people where people know you for it, then just swallow your pride and tell the police, anyway. Pride is a mean thing, when it gets in the way of justice. And there will be someone who cares about you, man. But you have to tell someone, first.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 03:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatemylife1 View Post
I know but I couldn't live where people knew me for that. I just don't think I could go on that way.
I know sweetie. But here's the thing, you're 16. In two years, no matter what happens if you go to the police, even if people know everything that's happened, you can leave. I don't think you should try and put up with it until you're 18, you should try and get this to stop now. But my point is once you are 18 you're legally an adult. You could move far far away from where you live now and start over new, where no one would know what you've been through.

Though I have to say, I seriously doubt anyone would think less of you. It's been out of your control all this time, no one will blame you for having to deal with it. If anything at all, people will only feel sorry that something so horrible could happen to such a nice kid. (because I know I don't know you, but you seem really nice). You deserve so much better than this. I know it's scary, but sometimes what seems scary is the best option.

On another note, Eldora is right also. Someone will help you. You just have to reach out


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
ihatemylife1 Offline
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 05:00 AM

well I decided to leave if I end up back here then I'll tell. I have evidence I just don't want to do it as a first choice.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 05:05 AM

Exactly where do you intend to go? I hope just not out on the streets alone. Hopefully to a friend's or another relatives?


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
ihatemylife1 Offline
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 05:30 AM

something came up with someone. I'm desperate . We're both desperate. Well we're hoping to work something out. Since both of our homes are messed up. Hopeful something can work.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 06:14 AM

i dont know excatly what you've been through but i do know that suicide is never the answer. i am sure there are a lot of people that would be so upset if you ended your life. You need support and counselling to get through these tough times. when you say "I rather do sex with daddy and my bro than to do it with any bum on the street." i do think that whatever is happening then you need to tell someone and the police are the best people to talk to. A counsellor is also a good option for you.
Things wont stay bad or hard for ever they will and can get better. you need to talk the first steps to fix things and those first steps are the hardest ones to take.
pm me anytime you need to chat i am willing to help you but also tell someone around you so they can help support you aswell.
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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 05:56 PM

Don't give up your life due to somebody who is suppose to be there for you and care for you properly. I have sort of been through the same thing, I don't know if he had abused you violently or emotionally but if he did I was in your shoes. For 5/6 years my mum was with her boyfriend and he was horrible and no-body was there for me, I thought suicide was the only answer that would solve everything. My honest advise is that you try and to talk to your mum about this, if she doesn't listen or believe (This happened to me) Keep telling her, tell your friends / family member what's going on and please if its really that bad stay at someone's house or tell he police. There are helplines you can call too like child-line est... Im always here and mostly online , PM me if you have to... Stay strong <3


It serves a lot of functions in my life. I use it as a way to punish myself, I use it as a way to medicate myself, I use it for the tension release when things get too strong or too built up. –ditto

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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 06:01 PM

Hun suicide is not the answer there is help out there and someone willl be willing to help find someone who will take you in until you solve somethings tell someone a couselor or the police because suicide isnt the way out you have to keep moving forward even in the worst moments




dont forget you matter to me

just because it seems no one cares dosnet mean i dont

live life now becasue if you dont well you only have one life

dont watch me grow up no has so you wont either

shoot for the moon you will always land in the stars

dont forget where you came from

love is an ocean it has different forms
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: writing a note or to let it die with me? - June 20th 2011, 08:56 PM

my mom is mia. And she knows what happens but doesn't care. Well at least nothing's happened. I guess. I'm never going back. No matter what
   
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