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BluePoison Offline
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All The Same - June 28th 2011, 06:56 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Yup. I am about to be like every other person.
I am going to tell you that I want to kill myself.
But then I thought that is stupid.
And I should come here and spill my heart out to strangers who seriously don't care.

It all started when I met John. He came up to me one day in the hall way, a week or two after me and my previous boyfriend broke up. Of course, I was feeling sad and my feelings were raw from it. It was like John could sense that he could sink his claws into me. He started to talk to me. And told me I was beautiful when I spent the whole morning crying and knew I did not look my best. After a week of talking and hanging out in the hall way, we started to date. Things went fast. In four months, he changed me. He made me lie to my family. Made my mother not trust me. I spent so much time trying to keep him happy, I forgot about everything else in my life. My grades went down and I stopped talking to my friends, so they stopped talking to me. Then we got into a huge fight and we broke up. I tried not to talk to him for a week, but then I lost it and called him. We talked all night. About everything but I would never get back with him. The next day, we stopped talking and then tonight, we talked. He has someone new. I fell apart and looked for someone to talk to and relized, I am literally all alone. No one would talk to me. No one would even acknolage that we were friends before. He didn't ruin everything. I did.
I ruined my life.
So I am going to end my ruined life. I don't know how but there is nothing else to live for.
Good Bye.
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Re: All The Same - June 28th 2011, 11:38 AM

Hey, Im sorry that you're feeling like this.
First of all, I really do care.
Secondly, I understand how you feel. But I know that although it feels like you've ruined your life and you are alone, nothing is permanent. So what. You made a mistake. It happens. Everyone makes mistakes. Your family, mother and friends should understand and should forgive you, even if it takes a while for them to trust you. I wasn't your fault, as you said 'he changed you'. But that doesn't have to be who you are.
Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk to someone. Also, I would suggest speaking to a counsellor or a doctor about how you have been feeling.
Please don't give up, there is always something to live for.
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Re: All The Same - June 29th 2011, 04:29 AM

I'm so sorry you feel this way. Mistakes, no matter who made them, can be learned from. You can change your. It sounds impossible right now, I know. I was in the same place just a few nights ago. But you can do it. Life's so beautiful once you realize it. As cheesy as that sounds. You're not alone. There's so much more in store for you than what you're going through. I care, I'm with you. Please don't give up.

If you want to talk more, PM me.

You've gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you, when you're not so sure you'll survive. You gotta swim and swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching. You haven't come this far to fall off the earth.
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