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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bailatyvm Offline
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going crrraaazy. - June 29th 2011, 03:53 AM

ohmygosh seriously.

so yesterday I was in one of my dance classes and I looked in the mirror and I smiled at this girl in the mirror...and she smiled back and then I realized it was me and I freaked out and hoped no one had seen how completely insane I'd gone...but it was weird because the girl I originally saw was pretty and confident and happy...and I'm not. I'm not happy; and I feel like it's impossible. apparently depression makes your memory worse or something? I don't remember ANYTHING ever. I looked at my best friend's name and was like do I know this girl? and then I panicked and I was like what is wrong with me?! and I know that lack of sleep is a problem..but I'm getting around 9 hours so I don't think it's too bad, right??! I mean I'll go to sleep at midnight or later but I'll sleep in enough that it should be a problem...I just CAN'T sleep any earlier! and I'm like about to start crying because I wish everything would be normal again, but it hasn't been 'normal' in soo long, and SH and ED's have been trying to inch their way back into my life and it's driving me nuts!! and I feel like I have no one to go to because they'll think I'm insane and be scared of me and mehhhhhhh

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: going crrraaazy. - June 29th 2011, 08:30 PM

Hey Faith

That girl you saw in the mirror really is you. I see that girl too. You are pretty and confident and the happiness thing can definitely be worked on. It's not impossible, really it's not. You're just in a "funk" right now and it's making it seem like it's impossible. Lots of people smile at themselves in the mirror so don't worry about that.

I wouldn't say you forgetting stuff is because of depression. Don't just jump to the final conclusion without taking a look at other alternatives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. People get mind blocks the whole time, where they just can't remember anything.

You are getting enough sleep so don't worry about it. I think the recommended hours of sleep for teenagers is 8 hours. It seems crazy, I know. I wouldn't really worry too much about not being able to sleep any earlier. You've just fallen out of routine and it'll take time to get back in to it.

The fact that you're trying to stay away from SH and EDs just proves how strong you are. It proves that you can survive without them. I know at times it can be really hard but you've just got to keep trying and remember how strong you really are.

There will always be people that you can talk to. I can guarantee you that I will never think you're insane and I won't ever be afraid of you
Lots of love,

and in that moment, I swear we were infinite
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
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Re: going crrraaazy. - June 30th 2011, 01:19 PM

Hey there,

First of all the girl the you saw in the mirror is really you, the beautiful, confident you! The confidence will grow in time, you just have to believe in yourself and stay strong. Nothing is impossible, you CAN do this i know you can, it may be really hard at the moment but you WILL pull through.
Sometimes depression can lead to forgetting things, but i would jump straight to the conclusion of that. Sometimes we have those days when we keep forgetting things.
You are strong enough to do this, the fact that you are trying to overcome SH and ED's show the will power and the strength that you have. You need to remember this and believe in yourself more.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk,
I can promise you that i won't think you are insame or be afraid of you. <3
Take care and stay strong

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RIP Peter <3
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Re: going crrraaazy. - June 30th 2011, 09:01 PM

Hey, so I understand why it would seem weird to smile at yourself... But that happy girl? She's who you really are, and who you can be.

I'm sorry that the self harm has come back into your life but it'll be okay. If you ever want to talk you can PM me. You're so strong and you can make it through anything okay?

  (#5 (permalink)) Old
bailatyvm Offline
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Re: going crrraaazy. - July 1st 2011, 02:58 AM

thanks guys<3

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
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