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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CrashLove Offline
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Can I have your attention? - July 16th 2011, 05:21 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I need it, I'll share mine back.

I don't know what to do anymore, I think I'm going crazy..
I can't even type something completely coherent.
So, I guess I have to generalize, forgive the shittiness of this, hmm.

I'm seventeen years old, a virgin who hasn't even had a fucking kiss yet, yeah, that fucking blows. I don't mind being a virgin though, that's fine.

I never thought I was that "fat" until people started treating me like I was. Almost everyday, atleast one of my family members comments about how I need to lose weight, how I need to diet, yaddayadda.

I have untreated anxiety. My "brother" is a jack-ass. All he does is scream at my mom, and make a lot of noise. Which, of course, makes me have anxiety attacks. I feel like I can't breathe, and my heart will burst...

My grandmother died this April, I was so close to her. I had to read at her funeral, a eulogy. I almost broke down completely during it. I miss her so fucking much. Everyday she'd say, "Hi my Cait, how are you?" Or some variation. And I miss her. We talked about everything.

My cat died a week later. "Total kidney and liver failure", I skipped school so I could be at the vet's office when she was put down. I held her. I buried her.

Almost all of my friends are in relationships, spare a few. It wouldn't be so bad if you know, some of them weren't in and out of relationships every other week. Then you hear them complain about so-and-so, and how much they like this guy/girl, meanwhile my fatass couldn't get a date I was fishing for them in an overpopulated puddle of water that was only an inch deep.

Except, my friend, who I've known for years made a very sudden, and very sexual advance at me, but he doesn't consider me date-able now. Just letting me know that if I want to lose my V-card, or a kiss, he's there, but not date interested. The fuck? He said we need to hang out, but I feel I'm annoying him. Shit. I don't even want a relationship for sex, or kissing, or any of that shit. I want it so I don't feel so fucking alone. All the time.

My 'friend' told me a few years ago during a fight, "Caitie, you're going to die old, alone, and unloved." And...Now I'm starting to think she's right.

I'm like..At the end of my line here..
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 16th 2011, 04:01 PM

Hey, Caitie.

I'm sorry for the unfortunate loss of your grandmother and cat, I know just how hard it is to cope with the loss of family members (I say plural because pets are family too I believe). I know it's hard for you right now, what with the comments and thoughts going round in your head, but you need to remember something. You are amazing, no matter how you look. Don't let the comments change how you feel about yourself because that will make it harder. I know that's hard - trust me, I know - but it's not impossible. Try telling yourself each day that the way you look is fine, and if it isn't, healthy weight loss is okay, balanced diets and excersise are fine! But remember you are amazing just the way you are, and no-one should make you feel any different about that. I promise you.

As for the realtionship troubles, I totally get that. It seems to be more and more uncommon to find people of these ages who haven't lost their virginity, or kissed someone, or had a boyrfriend/girlfriend yet, but it doesn't mean it's not okay. I'm 16, and I'm on the same boat as you. The fact is, that people like us know that a short, non-meaningful relationship isn't what we want, and we just haven't found someone that we feel comfortable enough around to actually date. Or, alternatively, that person just hasn't found us. You shouldn't worry about it too much, you're young and you have plenty of time to find that special someone who will make you feel amazing. At the moment, have fun because you're at that wonderful age where you're finally gettin legal permission to try new things, so while having a boyfriend is a great thing, you have loads of other things that can make you happy too. You will find someone who will love you one day, it just so happens that that day hasn't come yet. Stay patient, no-one has to die alone, not even you.

I hope this helped you a bit. Remember, you can PM me if you ever need to talk, and there are other ways of getting advice too. I hope you start feeling a bit happier soon, remember, you can do this. You're a strong, beautiful person, life is only just starting for you.

Smile,
Hollie.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 16th 2011, 05:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Safe-inside-my-head View Post
Hey, Caitie.

I'm sorry for the unfortunate loss of your grandmother and cat, I know just how hard it is to cope with the loss of family members (I say plural because pets are family too I believe). I know it's hard for you right now, what with the comments and thoughts going round in your head, but you need to remember something. You are amazing, no matter how you look. Don't let the comments change how you feel about yourself because that will make it harder. I know that's hard - trust me, I know - but it's not impossible. Try telling yourself each day that the way you look is fine, and if it isn't, healthy weight loss is okay, balanced diets and excersise are fine! But remember you are amazing just the way you are, and no-one should make you feel any different about that. I promise you.

As for the realtionship troubles, I totally get that. It seems to be more and more uncommon to find people of these ages who haven't lost their virginity, or kissed someone, or had a boyrfriend/girlfriend yet, but it doesn't mean it's not okay. I'm 16, and I'm on the same boat as you. The fact is, that people like us know that a short, non-meaningful relationship isn't what we want, and we just haven't found someone that we feel comfortable enough around to actually date. Or, alternatively, that person just hasn't found us. You shouldn't worry about it too much, you're young and you have plenty of time to find that special someone who will make you feel amazing. At the moment, have fun because you're at that wonderful age where you're finally gettin legal permission to try new things, so while having a boyfriend is a great thing, you have loads of other things that can make you happy too. You will find someone who will love you one day, it just so happens that that day hasn't come yet. Stay patient, no-one has to die alone, not even you.

I hope this helped you a bit. Remember, you can PM me if you ever need to talk, and there are other ways of getting advice too. I hope you start feeling a bit happier soon, remember, you can do this. You're a strong, beautiful person, life is only just starting for you.

Smile,
Hollie.
Thank you, I appreciate it. c:
   
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 16th 2011, 06:43 PM

not sure im be any help. but i couldnt read an not comment. your "friend" was wrong. you are not alone and you are loved.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 16th 2011, 09:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by -maddie- View Post
not sure im be any help. but i couldnt read an not comment. your "friend" was wrong. you are not alone and you are loved.
Thank you <3.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 16th 2011, 10:36 PM

I agree with both of theses posts, and hey nothing wrong with being a virgin at 17 my dear I am 18 and am still a virgin. You are loved but I do know how you feel. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM or VM me I will always respond.
<3 your friend Shana~
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 17th 2011, 08:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bayhorse321 View Post
I agree with both of theses posts, and hey nothing wrong with being a virgin at 17 my dear I am 18 and am still a virgin. You are loved but I do know how you feel. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM or VM me I will always respond.
<3 your friend Shana~
Thank you.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 18th 2011, 01:25 AM

Hey, I kind of suck at advice these days, but I had my first kiss at 12, and regretted it immediately. I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 19 and despite it being a good experience I still wish I had waited.

Anyways, I know how it is to have "friends" who tell you horrible things about yourself. I had a "best friend" for about 11 years who always talked behind my back and such. But you used quotations so you know that's not friend behavior. Try to not let them get to you. You wouldn't believe an old man in rags with crazy hair telling you you're doomed for eternity, so don't let someone you don't consider a friend do so.

Only REAL friends should be able to base opinions on you, because they know you and will help you become a better person. IF there is anything wrong.

But hey, that's why we're still alive: We still have the chance to change anything that we don't like about ourselves. And as for being "fat"...that's up to you. Just be sure if you ever choose to lose weight, do it healthily. Heck, sometimes just tightening some muscles with exercise is all people need, not to lose weight.

As for your grandmother and your cat, I'm so sorry for what you must be feeling. I lost close family members when I was around 17 too. Between high school drama, family drama, and that...it's one tough time.

Just hang in there. And even if you aren't religious, I've found it helps to just talk out loud to your grandma. Tell her anything you ever want to say. Cry if you feel like it. It seems to help most people I suggest this to. It's just if you ever think, "Man, I wish I could have told her about me graduating high school," then do it. Usually its not being able to just physically say the things you want to somebody who isn't around. Try it. It might help.

Take care, Caitie. Beautiful name by the way! I love the spelling!
   
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Re: Can I have your attention? - July 19th 2011, 07:50 AM

I'm sorry dear, for everything. Everybing will be okay just remember to stop every once and a while to breath. Things are complicated but it'll get better I know it will. Feel better. I'm here if you need me please feel free to PM me.


Don't let anyone say you're not beautiful, stay true to you!
   
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