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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Broken-Wings Offline
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Name: Broken-Wings.
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Exclamation I'm Not Suicidal...I Just Wouldn't Care If I Died..? - July 19th 2011, 07:21 PM

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Hey Guys, Thanks For Clicking On This And Listening To Me Winge (:


So, just to give you a background on my life..(and i hate doing this because it makes me sound like some kinda drama queen fishing for 'poor you's')

In July 2009 my mum was hospitalized for five weeks because of a brain aneurysm that resulted in
  • Blindness In One Eye
  • Bad Balance
  • Slurred Speech
  • Short Term Memory Loss (can't remember yesterday)
  • Excruciating Headaches
  • Loss Of Mobility When Fatiguied
  • Fatigue

Since then, my dad has done nothing but try to help the situation, we've moved house, had our house adapted as much as we can for her blah blah blah..
I live in a council estate so we don't actually own the house. I've written to parliament about the lack of disabilities aids available or refused by the council and pretty much got a 'well thats the system' reply or they bent the truth to suit their needs.

My parents now argue...ALL the time. Threaten to leave each other..the usual. My brother doesn't come out of his room (he's 18) unless its for food or to turn the internet on. He's rude and doesn't really care about anyone else.

Yea..so that's my life. I don't have that many close friends, my last boyfriend left me because i wouldn't sleep with him and i don't really register my own emotions anymore. I realised today that if i was to get hit by a bus and told i had three days to live, it really wouldn't bother me. I know that's not right and i need help but i can't afford councilling, neither can my family.


Thanks for reading.
-Chelsey x


Live.Laugh.Love xox


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Re: I'm Not Suicidal...I Just Wouldn't Care If I Died..? - July 19th 2011, 07:39 PM

Do you have sudden outbursts when you feel like committing suicide but then you go back to being neutral and not caring again?

And at least you have a boyfriend, EVERY single boy in my class says they'd rather kill themselves than look at my ugly face so count yourself lucky. lol I hope you feel better
   
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Re: I'm Not Suicidal...I Just Wouldn't Care If I Died..? - July 19th 2011, 07:46 PM

No, i never really feel like committing suicide myself but i can't really remember the last time i was happy.


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Re: I'm Not Suicidal...I Just Wouldn't Care If I Died..? - July 21st 2011, 02:28 AM

First, you are never a drama queen, nor are you wasting anyone's time by posting on TeenHelp. It is why the site was implemented.

Well, you can leave the tragic brain aneurysm ruin your life. You can thrive off pity donations and wallow in tragedy. It was tragic. I see nothing wrong with that option. It could leave you feeling unfufilled, but it was unfair and you deserve empathy.

Or you can prove yourself stronger than that, and you can make yourself change events, rather than leaving them change you. You make yourself who you want to be. You can swim against the river or lay at it's mercy. I realize your life is by no means easy. However humans are built to adapt. You can survive. You just have to want to.

You mentioned your parents are fighting. I'm sorry for that. I understand how stressful that can be. However it is not your fault. Even if they are arguing about you, or issues that cocern you, it is not your fault. You cannot make them agree with each other. Either the issues will be worked out, or it will end in divorce. Either way you did not cause this. As you mentioned your brother is kind of an ass. He's 18 , I'm sorry to say you shouldn't expect much more. He may be rude and inconsiderate, but right now he is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, and is probably very stressed out. It shouldn't give him a free pass to be an asshole, but sadly it does. Once it's all figured out, and he moves out, things will return to normal, and he will be nicer.

You also mentioned your boyfriend left you because you refused to be pressured. He was a waste of your time completely. I'm glad you respected yourself before him. No one should ever push you to do something you don't want to do.

Right now you don't value your life, but you are not suicidal. I felt that way for a long time, and it, at least in my case meant that you will eventually become suicidal. I don't have much advice because you do not want counselling. Although I would recomend at least the free school counsellor, you do not have to if you are not ready.

Aside from seeking help, I would explain to your parents what you told us here. They can actually help if you ask for it. However if that is also out of the question using Teen Help and trying to keep positive can really make the situation a lot more mangable.

PM me is you ever need anything at all. I have no problem with listening to what you have to say whatsoever.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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Re: I'm Not Suicidal...I Just Wouldn't Care If I Died..? - July 24th 2011, 06:19 AM

You can't make other people do anything, but you can talk to them and tell them how you feel/how you would like thing to change. And if they don't listen, well, that's difficult, but I think you would feel better knowing that you tried.

It's hard when you're a teenager. You're living in someone else's house, off their cash, and everything, so you don't feel as much self-worth as you might as an adult. And then in these situations, we feel helpless, but doing as much as you can is worth a lot. You have to find things you can do, like hobbies/things you enjoy, or things that make you feel productive. Something you have a passion for.

Anyway, I'm sorry things seem to be so tough. It does sound like an unfortunate situation. Seeking help would be a good idea, because you deserve to find reasons to love your life. You can be a strong person and pull through this. And, hey, I know everyone says this, but you only have two years left anyway.
   
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