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BoneAndDream Offline
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i'm a pathetic coward and a failure. - July 20th 2011, 02:07 AM

i'm so alone all the time. every day is exactly the same. my family is poor. my brother is miserable. i have no friends. no money. and i just have.....nobody. to count on. to help me. help me make it through every fucking day because i sure as hell need it. i'm an outsider. a loner. but i have no cool gang of misfits and outcasts to hang out with. im on the outside of the fucking outsiders. people avoid me. but then again i avoid them.ive come to not like people that much. they care nothing about you. theres no "were in this together", i just dont get to have that luxury. im in everything alone. fuck. alone alone alone. i rarely talk to people, so i just kind of suck at talking to them. i cant do small talk. i hate it. especially when it comes to girls. i mean, how the hell am i supposed to know what the fuck to talk to them about or how to even talk to them? with guys its better because i can just be straight to the point about everything. and i have nothing in common with any of the girls i go to school with. so WHAT do i talk to them about? i just cant for the life of me come up with a fucking thing. ever.and im actually kind of afraid of them. no, they scare the hell out of me. i mean fuck, i jump off bridges and shit like that but i just cant talk to a girl. i CANT. i CANT approach them. i'll just sit still like a fucking statue even though i so desperately wish i could say something to her. even if i did i'd look like i was fucking on drugs or something id be shaking and sweating so much. she'd probably just laugh in my face in front of everyone and id be scrambling trying to find a way to kill myself before school the next day so i wouldnt have to face everyone. i think i could be a good boyfriend if i was given the chance, but i'll never get to that point.

im so pathetic. like if i even brush against or bump into a girl by accident, that's like fucking to me. that shows how desperate i am. i feel like such a creep.

i dont even know why im writing this. i already know i'll never have any kind of a relationship because nobody would ever love ME. hahahaha. it's all ending now. i know im going to have to face EVERYTHING alone. what's everything if i am one? nothing. why live for nothing. why face this endless struggle if i have no support, no money, and no love? they say all you need is love. i dont even have that. so fuck. fuck life, fuck the world, fuck ALL. i'm finished.

i want to blow my brains out, but i dont have a gun. thats how i want to do it. violently. brains and skull fragments everywhere. so everyone will know thats how i felt inside for a long time.
   
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Re: i'm a pathetic coward and a failure. - July 20th 2011, 06:19 PM

Well, writing it out seems to be helpful for you...write out how you feel more often. People will and do love you..because humans were made to love, obviously. Keep going, something will change..it always does. And if it doesn't, that implies that you should probably find a new environment. Just..keep going. Stay strong, you've made it this far.


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Re: i'm a pathetic coward and a failure. - July 22nd 2011, 04:09 AM

Dude trust me I've been there. I know how you feel. But trust me life does get better. But honestly to make it help try thinking in the more positive light. Don't think about what you don't have. Be grateful for what you do have.

Also try to find an outlet for how your feeling. Be it writing, I see a guitar in the pic playing your guitar. Just something that will get your emotions out there and out of your head.

And with your lady troubles honestly girls are no different from guys minus having boobs and a vagina. They are just people so talk to them. Even if its a simple "Hi, How are you?" Its a victory. Its something its a step out of the fear of girls. Also for some more help with it. Look up the show The Pickup Artist sure its just a reality show but it does give some good helpful hints on just being able to talk to girls and be more confident.

Just dont give up without a fight dude. It feels like your in the shitter now but after awhile it gets all better.
   
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