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Esai Offline
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Age: 25

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Join Date: July 16th 2011

Question What to do? - July 25th 2011, 01:49 AM

first off I am not asking if I should commit a suicide, I have already tried a lot of methods but at the last moment it always occurs to me that I can always do it if I should have a need for it and there are so many things that I haven't done yet... (I'm even carrying a rope and a knife with me, just for those moments...)
But what I need help with is my life..
I have been under a lot of stress lately and there have been people helping me.. But I feel like a burden to them as asking for help is not really easy...
I am scared to try smoking because it can become a habit (not talking about cigarettes here...) but I need something for relaxiation.. I do have all that I need but I am too scared to lit one..
Sex is great and all but it too causes stress.. I am a cyclist so I try to train every evening but this too causes stress..
Every move I make seems wrong..
Even music sounds wrong to me now..
I am about to fail my school, 10th grade as I didn't find the strength to study..
Last week or so I have been occupied with so many tasks that I didn't even have time to think and it felt good...

I am feeling that I should go on with my own life and move out from my parents house but I can not before I finish my school which I can not do before I start actually studying...
I have asked help on studying too but people get bored soon when I can not actually remember anything..
My mom has been very helpful but it is getting harder and harder to talk to her about my problems..
Sometimes I just want to cry but nothing comes out, I also don't sleep well...
I have been having headaches for some last five years so next month they are going to scan my brain... Some people tell me that this is from stress but I haven't been under stress for five years.. This is another thing that pisses me off.. People are trying to help but I can not give my full story to just anyone so they are giving me false advice...
I know I'm not alone with my problems.. that sounds bad but a lot of people are actually trying to use this for comforting..
There are others with the same problems but it seems that no one can actually help.. So I'm asking you people, What the heck should I do with my life..
There is a intersection I'm standing at right now.. Work, study or a long break...But the break would also mean work.. at least for a year, until I can go to school again -.-
(I have seen a lot of people with the same question laid before them but they had to make this choise because they had already chosen before.. Like me over here.. Drugs or life... Freedom or work..)
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Katley Offline
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Name: Kat
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Re: What to do? - July 25th 2011, 08:05 AM

Have you talked to your parents about how you feel? about whats going on? you know there is medication and stuff that can help, and i really think that might be a good idea for you.
not that i should be giving advice right now, but i really think you should come clean with what you are feeling.

Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
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