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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
football94 Offline
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Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 2nd 2011, 03:28 AM

Maybe if someone reads this I will feel better

I've been dealing with a mood rollercoaster for 22 months now. Some days I easily smile and talk to people while other days like today I lock myself in my room to hide myself in shame from the rest of my house.
Some days I hate who I see in the mirror some days I smile at myself in the mirror. Some days I dont recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror, some days I cant look in to mirrors...
I have never cut before but I give myself headaches all the time, my doctors have always said its stress. I need stress to feel good about myself to know that I'm still capable of doing tasks which I have never done before.
My grandpa is having kidney problems.
My supervisors scolded me for hours this morning because I didnt generate sales as much as I was being paid in the early hours today.

I dont know if I need help I'm almost 17 maybe tommorow I'll be fine again.
I studder.
I feel selfish.
I only see that negatives about myself.
I try to help others but I dont feel like I do enough.
The above statements are not believed by my friends or family.
I cant stand that I feel worthless. I KNOW I do alot of good and help others but I dont do enough what ever I do is not enough.
I lie to myself everyday that I do carry my weight in this world.
I dont like asking for help from my friends.
I dont know why I feel like my life is worth nothing.
I'm not abused, I have good friends who I trust and many more who trust me, I do my best at as much as I can.

I have a good life I just cant see it I am BLIND.

I think I have a mood disorder, but I NEVER allow my mood to effect how I conduct relationships with others even when I feel like things are ripping me up inside.

I feel like I'm bottling up too much. but idk where to let it go.

I need mental endurance

I want to put so much more here but I feel like I have already used up too much time. I feel evil sometimes for being so uncaring. For now I can't say anything else because I dont have the will to.
   
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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 2nd 2011, 03:39 AM

well u could try to do what i do and just vent here or on the blogs im sure that would make ya feel a lot better.


"It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be lived." Dexter Morgan
   
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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 2nd 2011, 04:15 AM

Hello. I totally get these feelings as they are very very similar to my own. You are stronger than I by not letting the feelings effect how you react with people. I just lock myself away in my room and tend to stay there for days at a time. If you ever want to talk with me please feel free to pm me anytime.
   
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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 2nd 2011, 05:10 AM

I get how it is darling. Tried going to therapy? Hey, it's worth a shot. Generally these feelings have some root, and while it might not all just 'go away,' it'll help you understand/feel less helpless. Good luckxx


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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 2nd 2011, 07:44 PM

I understand your feelings myself, sometimes life can be tough and my moods make me think I'm crazy at times. But this site is great and if you can chat to some people on here it may help. I would love to get to know you so if you want you can message me! You are quite young still and you still have so much learning to do, you should cut yourself some slack, you said you have great friends? Thats fantastic, and that says something about you as a person if you can attract good people.
Keep your chin up, you are your own, gorgeous, fabulous person and your happiness is so important. Just take things one day at a time and relax, best of luck


I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I'm not - Kurt Cobain
   
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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 3rd 2011, 02:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bayhorse321 View Post
Hello. I totally get these feelings as they are very very similar to my own. You are stronger than I by not letting the feelings effect how you react with people. I just lock myself away in my room and tend to stay there for days at a time. If you ever want to talk with me please feel free to pm me anytime.
I loock myself in my room too, I let every thing boil inside me but my self esteem takes a hit im sure.... I just dont let myself get angry at other people because its not fair to them and things like that but it has been getting very hard to keep a poker face, in fact just days ago some one asked me if I had a good day because they could tell that I was unenthusiastic like I try to be. So everyday since then I have been wearing sunglasses at my job so nobody can see my eyes. I hate it I feel like I'm becoming fake. Lets talk does PM stand for post message like on your profile?
   
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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 3rd 2011, 02:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bailatyvm View Post
I get how it is darling. Tried going to therapy? Hey, it's worth a shot. Generally these feelings have some root, and while it might not all just 'go away,' it'll help you understand/feel less helpless. Good luckxx
I went to therapy in the 7th grade, and they told me my aggression came from fear of failure and high confidence paired with low self esteem. I non clinical but very harmful problem that a few people get, I used to be a really bad child and spoke back to my parents alot and physically defend myself against being disciplined but now I am well behaved but I still have the 3 in a combo. I over compensate for everything and I still dont feel thats enough, I dont want to scare my mother or father because they are having many of their own problems right now. I just dont understand how everyone else can appreciate me so much more than I can I hate it and I hate not being able to fix my own problems when I fix many of my friends' problems constantly
   
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Re: Please someone tell me I have a chance at life...nothing I do is ever good enough to myself. I think I have a dissorder. - August 3rd 2011, 02:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeopardPrintLover View Post
I understand your feelings myself, sometimes life can be tough and my moods make me think I'm crazy at times. But this site is great and if you can chat to some people on here it may help. I would love to get to know you so if you want you can message me! You are quite young still and you still have so much learning to do, you should cut yourself some slack, you said you have great friends? Thats fantastic, and that says something about you as a person if you can attract good people.
Keep your chin up, you are your own, gorgeous, fabulous person and your happiness is so important. Just take things one day at a time and relax, best of luck
I thank you very much and not to seem unthankful but I cant stand not planning for the future it drives me crazy not knowing what may happen.... I feel like that is what causeds my problems atleast partially....
   
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