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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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qazwsxedc Offline
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I don't even know - August 2nd 2011, 06:10 AM

I'm so sick of this world, all the shit that is going on. Rape, torture, murder, abuse, bullying, racism, animal torture and killing, hatred, war, secrecy, fuck there is soo much it makes me sick just thinking about all of it. I have never experienced anything like these things, i actually live a pretty damn good life that i feel i don't deserve.

Ok i have many reasons to die: i'm selfish, lazy, a bad friend/sister/daughter, i complain about everything, i can't change and i just really hate who i am, all the shit i talked about above are reasons that i don't want to spend the rest of my life here, it's the same thing everyday and there is no escaping except for death, being able to know the unknown when you die is another reason. I will probably hurt more people if i stay alive then if i die.

I know i probably aren't making much sense but that's me, i don't know how i feel half the time or what i'm happy or sad about. I am such a mystery that i can't figure out. I live this great life with great parents and siblings, we aren't poor, of course there is a few things going on but it is all ok, and i just feel i don't deserve this amazing life. also i have a few awesome friends that i have tried to push away since i met them but it's just so hard, and when i have a good day (as in im happy and not depressed or whatever i get) i bring them closer and then when i go depressed again i hate it because if i end out killing myself i would feel even worse because i just got that much closer to them, and i would hurt them that much more. Same with my parents i would hate to kill myself because they would be hurt soo much and i can't stand thinking they would be hurt (especially because of me) because they don't deserve that.

I find all i can do now is hope an wish that i will die. Hope my fam/friends never find out that i am happy about dying (although it might help them so idk) but i guess if i die by accident then that wouldn't be so hard on them, compared to me wanting to die and end up giving up and committing suicide.

I just want to die, want to get all this shit over with, know the unknown and hope all affected can get over me quickly. I wish i was never born, *sigh*
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 2nd 2011, 03:50 PM

cj.

it sounds like you're having alittle bit of a negative self impression of yourself . i think that you should know, you are a wonderful person. you are so passionate, and sweet, and caring.

That is something A LOT OF PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE . and i think that you shouldnt hurt yourself, and if you feel that others deserve better, why dont you dedicate some time towards making things better for everyone else?

im sure that will definitely make other people happy. You definitely will also realize and know that you're a wonderful person that makes lives better. you make loads of people smile, you know that?


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: I don't even know - August 3rd 2011, 05:58 AM

how do you know I'm all that, i may not know myself very much but i don't believe that i'm any of that. and dedicating my time to others is what i've been trying to do, but i just get in the way, my stubbornness and laziness and how i'm nervous and shy and anxious, everything just works against me. i don't make people smile, i make them feel awkward and eventually make them frown. Thanks for trying but... well, you know
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 3rd 2011, 08:03 AM

then those people dont know how to appreciate you. why not you try doing a new activity, where you mix with a new group of people, and just be your aweesome self

im sure things will get better then. hold on to hope..... and stay strong. things can get better

thats a promise!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Re: I don't even know - August 5th 2011, 01:46 AM

it's not my friends, they are the best thing and they are (besides my family) the reason i'm still here. it's not that they tell me i'm awkward or anything like that, they say they love me and all that. i just feel i'm awkward around them, i find i live like a totally different life. i watch a lot of movies so maybe i've watched so many i think my life is a movie or something, idk. and thanks i'll try but it is hard when you're so depressed you don't even care anymore :/
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 5th 2011, 04:06 AM

Hey I know what you need....I think you want to know the purpose of your life and and want to know yourself.If you think death is the solution then you are wrong my dear as there is will be no warm welcome after life for the suiciders. So take break and do what I say then all will be fine. But you have to promise me that you shall act as I say because I am dead sure that it will work. Here is my email if you are interested contact me at m_tayyab_farooq@hotmail.com.
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 5th 2011, 08:47 AM

Hi C.J.

Honestly, while reading your posts I felt as if I was reading something I might have written. I don't know exactly how you feel because we are all never in the exact same position. But I can definitely relate to a lot of those feelings. The first thing you mentioned was that your sick of everything that's going on in the world. Well maybe your purpose here is to help stop it in some way. You don't ever have to just sit there and watch everything bad happening. You can do something about it. And you made plenty of sense to me. I know you can get through this. Please just hold on and know that you have a purpose here and you will find it. Maybe you should try seeing yourself through your friend's eyes instead of your own. It may help. You can message me if you need to. Just hold on.

God Bless,
~Dani
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 6th 2011, 05:05 AM

Well I don't believe we have purposes in life, if we all did why are there so many people doing horrible things, is that their purpose? or what about the people that commit suicide, is that their purpose as well? There are too many choices people make and different routes they can take to end up doing what they are suppose to do. It's like destiny.. it just can't be. And no matter what I do, it wont make a big enough difference. No one can change everything and I find that extremely sad. Like I'm going into college to become a paramedic (if i don't die) and I know that I can help, but it's just a job and the people that get helped will get helped and the people that don't get helped end out dying or suffering or whatever the case may be and it's horrible to think about how unfair the world is. I just hate it here, I hate myself, I hate all the horrible people that made this world the way it is.
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 6th 2011, 06:10 AM

Well I thought i would let you know that you have made me smile. You have made a possitve impact on me. You are always up to talking and very friendly. You went out of your way to befriend me and it meant alot I understand how you feel about all the bad things we deal with. That just makes you caring that it bothers you. Hang in there.
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 6th 2011, 06:57 AM

Hmm... You have a point. Well we all have potential to do great things it's just whether we choose to do them or not. Some choose to do horrible things while some choose to do great things and try to stop those horrible things. And well the people that commit suicide.. I definitely do not believe that to be their purpose. Honestly, I think those people probably had a LOT of potential which is why so many lies kept going through their minds telling them they weren't worth it. But they were. And well...not one person should be able to change everything by themselves. It should be through team effort. If a bunch of people make small changes it will all make one huge change in the world. It's great to know that you want to help everyone, and I agree it is sad that we are not able to by ourselves. But isn't it worth it to want to stay here to be able to help those people that wouldn't have been helped if you weren't here?
   
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Re: I don't even know - August 8th 2011, 04:56 AM

idek anymore
   
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