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Nippa Offline
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Opinions are highly appreciated - August 3rd 2011, 07:52 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't trust anyone anymore. As a child I was both abused physically and sexually. I was bullied a lot as a child without my parents knowing about it.
I was bullied in high school too. both home and school wasn't very much enjoying. My friends played with me. having in love with someone and then your friends started making fun of you and not telling you that the one you are in love is secretly hiding relationship with the same friend you trust and have been close since childhood and has promised to help you to get hooked up with that person. At the same time someone I like has played with me taking me for granted while asking for a lot of stuffs which eventually I grew tired off. Friends who gave me a cold shoulder after we separate paths from high school and the same goes for college. People who just asked for favors but then again not there when needed. I don't trust people anymore and I have learned not to rely to anyone. I tend to trust strangers more as they know really of nothing. I'm not enjoying anything even video games. Everything almost looks like a chore to me. I have grown bored of everything.
I really don't have a reason to live. I am just living because I'm alive.
If dying was easy I would really wish to right now. sadly I'm afraid of that pain of not knowing what will happen after.

I am living alone for two years. not literally but I have stopped caring too much. I have tried to suppress my emotions it was effective, I was able to work more efficiently even though I tend to do my projects or research papers alone my grades were good and honestly they were top notch.But Now, I felt the bottling up emotions are really piling up that I am having a hard time functioning properly. I'm being troubled by severe depression and panic attacks my grades are plummeting. I've tried to reinforce myself by stopping to smoke and intake of alcoholic beverages. I've started exercises and recently started listening to brainwave audio but to no avail. My depression is getting worst I am unable to function properly. Going out of my room feels very uncomfortable and triggering my panic attack. going to crowded places triggers my panic attack too. I don't know what to do anymore. i don't want to be medicated. i don't to be labeled as a person with a psychotic dis function. I don't to trouble my parents about it. I don't want this feeling. I thought stopping to smoke would lessen this as I was a heavy smoker. I'm having recurring thoughts of suicide. But I strongly believe that having no reason to live doesn't equate to having a reason to die. but I am having no other options
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Darrenboy! Offline
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Re: Opinions are highly appreciated - August 3rd 2011, 07:58 AM


please remember that no matter what happens, opening up to people is the right thing to do. There would be the wrong people to mix with, but there will also be the right people to mix witg. Ane besides that, i think that you still have the determination to keep living, which is good. I also think that your determination should be put to things that make you happy, and other people happy. Why dont you try doing charity work, the smiles of all the kids and sad people's lives that you change for the better has a heartwarming effect on people.

that is what you probably need.

please stay strong! we love you so much. remember we're always here to talk to. well.. yeah.

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Everglow. Offline
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Re: Opinions are highly appreciated - August 3rd 2011, 12:10 PM

Hey there,

First of all, I'm sorry for everything you've been through. Things such as abuse and bullying can really get to a person after a while, and there's no reason why you should have gone through it, or why you should have to suffer now aswell as then. I promise you that you wont always have to suffer like this if you make some slight steps in the right direction.

I understand you don't want to bother people by this. In our minds sometimes we see ourselves and an inconvinience to others, but really we're not. We're on this earth because people wanted us to be. We have parents because our parents wanted a child. They got you, and they're lucky for that. As a parent, they would want you to tell them that you're struggling. A parent never wants to hear that their child is feeling suicidal and depressed to this extent, or any for that matter, but they'd rather have you tell them, than not know and have you suffer alone. There's nothing more important to a parent than the well-being of their child, so please consider telling them about this. I believe it could really help you.

I want to tell you something. If you were 'labled' with anything, it would only be to help you. Depression is an illness. It may not be a physical one, but it is an illness, and therefore it should be treated with the right approach. Talking to someone and getting the right treatment for it is a good idea and it will help you if you let it. It's important that you consider this as suicide should never be an option. Life is full of wonders and while it throws bad things at us sometimes, we're truely honoured to have it and be a part of something as complex as this world. Take the time to think about that, and remind yourself that you're here because someone wanted you here. The struggles you face with friends and bullies along the way are only temporary, and it's not good wasting a life with as much potential as any of ours.

Chin up,

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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