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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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jake_96 Offline
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Unhappy Helping my friend with depression is not helping my depression - August 4th 2011, 11:44 AM

Last year I was very depressed for pretty much the whole year and I was just about ready to kill myself when I just thought to myself "f*** it, I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore and I'm just going to be who I want to be." When I started school again earlier this year (school year starts in February here in Australia) I just walked in confidently and just decided to be myself. I still hung around with the same friends, but everything seemed different and better. I was happy. Then a few weeks ago, we had career counselling at school and what the teachers running it said was really stupid. They said "to get a good job, you need really high marks which most of you won't get because you muck around too much." In other words, 'you're all f***ed and you have no futures." I didn't really care about what they said because I try at school and I know I will succeed. Unfortunately one of my friends did care about what they said.

After that, he started getting really depressed and although he kept putting on a happy face and making jokes like he always did, when me and him are alone, he is really sad and talks to me about his depression. I don't know why he chose me as his person to talk to, as he has no knowledge of my depression and I am not his best friend, but it may be because I am a bit more serious than his other friends. I can't imagine him having a serious talk about depression with any of his really close friends, which probably explains why he came to me.

Anyway, at first I was really supportive and trying to help him through it. But about a week ago, I started getting depressed again, and although it is nowhere near as bad as last year, it is still not a good feeling. So does anyone have an idea of how I can avoid depression at the same time as helping him through his?

BTW sorry for the long text.
   
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Re: Helping my friend with depression is not helping my depression - August 4th 2011, 03:58 PM

Hey,

I was just wondering what is causing you to feel depressed? Is it merely because he speaks about depression with you, or is it something specific he says that causes you to become depressed?

If there is a particular subject or words he uses that make you depressed, it is alright to let him know it affects you and to change his wording, or to not go into as much details, or just to avoid that subject.

If just him talking to you in general about depression, it is alright to let him know that, too. Let him know you have been struggling with staying in a positive attitude and you do not think you are the best person to be talking to about this. Just make sure to say it in a nice way and that he understands you care, and want to listen and help, but you are unable to during this time.

Maybe suggest distractions you two could do together instead. Or if you two talk about your depression, or his, then afterward go do something fun. This makes it seem less depressing and as if you are just hanging out talking about normal things. It's an attempt to trick your brains :P

If you need anything else, feel free to PM me.

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Re: Helping my friend with depression is not helping my depression - August 13th 2011, 02:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jake_black7 View Post
Last year I was very depressed for pretty much the whole year and I was just about ready to kill myself when I just thought to myself "f*** it, I don't care what anyone thinks of me anymore and I'm just going to be who I want to be." When I started school again earlier this year (school year starts in February here in Australia) I just walked in confidently and just decided to be myself. I still hung around with the same friends, but everything seemed different and better. I was happy. Then a few weeks ago, we had career counselling at school and what the teachers running it said was really stupid. They said "to get a good job, you need really high marks which most of you won't get because you muck around too much." In other words, 'you're all f***ed and you have no futures." I didn't really care about what they said because I try at school and I know I will succeed. Unfortunately one of my friends did care about what they said.

After that, he started getting really depressed and although he kept putting on a happy face and making jokes like he always did, when me and him are alone, he is really sad and talks to me about his depression. I don't know why he chose me as his person to talk to, as he has no knowledge of my depression and I am not his best friend, but it may be because I am a bit more serious than his other friends. I can't imagine him having a serious talk about depression with any of his really close friends, which probably explains why he came to me.

Anyway, at first I was really supportive and trying to help him through it. But about a week ago, I started getting depressed again, and although it is nowhere near as bad as last year, it is still not a good feeling. So does anyone have an idea of how I can avoid depression at the same time as helping him through his?

BTW sorry for the long text.
Hey, personally I give the best advice when I am in a low point so maybe you will have more empathy with him but we at TH want both of you to get better as fast as possible. to me it seems like he has a deeper problem beneath the surface. It sounds like that stupid teacher only triggered something in his brain that made him think of something else. Maybe he feels like he isnt doing good enough in school as it is to add insult to injury, if not maybe he is feeling low self esteem at home.

At any rate I'm fully confident that you will be able to help him through his depression. Focus on how happy you are making others even though you may be having your own troubles, thats what I do and although I might not feel great again, I feel worthy of life which combats depression
   
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