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I am starting to slip away - August 14th 2011, 04:40 AM

Basically I have gotten stellar advice here on TH but I need more help. I'm sorry for spamming on these threads because my problems are trivial to others'.

The last couple of years I havent felt great but I have had ups and downs but this past summer so far, my mother has been making my life hell. I love her and I shouldnt be blaming her but I dont have any problems outside of my house.

She makes me feel like a hypocrit, cold, heartless, useless and I am starting to hate myself. My room feels like a jail because I keep all my stress and anger in here but I feel like its a safe haven because I dont get yelled at by her when I stay out of her way. We cant have anormal conversation anymore. For months. I even went on a hunger strike because she yelled every profanity in the book at me in front of my family. She was wrong because my entire family talked her into saying sorry. Regardless even though I got a job to pay for some of her bills I feel like a failed son.

I got cut on my arm the other day and I....liked it...I want to do it again but its summer, I wear short sleeves and its too noticeable. My restraint is getting weaker and bruising myself as an alternate thing to do instead of cutting is wearing thin, I have never cut before but with my cut on my arm feeling something I find myself more curious... as I look at it I think I could live with more on my arm. I think I need help.

Thank you for reading this.
   
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Re: I am starting to slip away - August 14th 2011, 11:17 AM

Hi there,

First of all, don't be sorry for posting threads here. The community here is a caring one and we try to help anyone as much as we can. Also, just because your issues might seem "trivial" (which, by the way, it is not) compared to others doesn't mean that what you are feeling is less real.

I'm sorry that your mother is treating you this way -- you don't deserve to feel the things that your mother says you are. Have you told anyone about this? It might help to get all of the feelings you have out - it could be a trusted adult or even a close friend. Sometimes, parents say things that they don't really mean. Perhaps you could write a letter to let her know how you feel when she verbally attacks you? That way, you can write down everything you need to into as much detail as you want.

Also, it seems that you are starting to self harm to deal with the emotions you have. Self harming is not the answer, even if it brings temporary relief. Whenever you get the urges to self harm, you can replace the cutting with a more positive reaction (coping skills). A coping skill could be anything from journalling to watching a comedy TV show/film. It's important to try a range of distractions because some might work, and some might not work for you.

If you feel that distractions don't work, then it is probably time to enlist the help of other people. It could be a professional therapist who specializes in self harm issues or you could get some support and advice from people at TH.

There is a list of alternatives to self harm over in the Self Harm sub-forum, or you can just click this: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

Take care of yourself.
   
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Re: I am starting to slip away - August 14th 2011, 01:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peri View Post
Hi there,

First of all, don't be sorry for posting threads here. The community here is a caring one and we try to help anyone as much as we can. Also, just because your issues might seem "trivial" (which, by the way, it is not) compared to others doesn't mean that what you are feeling is less real.

I'm sorry that your mother is treating you this way -- you don't deserve to feel the things that your mother says you are. Have you told anyone about this? It might help to get all of the feelings you have out - it could be a trusted adult or even a close friend. Sometimes, parents say things that they don't really mean. Perhaps you could write a letter to let her know how you feel when she verbally attacks you? That way, you can write down everything you need to into as much detail as you want.

Also, it seems that you are starting to self harm to deal with the emotions you have. Self harming is not the answer, even if it brings temporary relief. Whenever you get the urges to self harm, you can replace the cutting with a more positive reaction (coping skills). A coping skill could be anything from journalling to watching a comedy TV show/film. It's important to try a range of distractions because some might work, and some might not work for you.

If you feel that distractions don't work, then it is probably time to enlist the help of other people. It could be a professional therapist who specializes in self harm issues or you could get some support and advice from people at TH.

There is a list of alternatives to self harm over in the Self Harm sub-forum, or you can just click this: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

Take care of yourself.
First of all thank you for taking your time to read this.

Its hard to tell anyone because I dont like asking for help from friends and I'm too week minded to talk about something like this eye to eye with a family member. I dont like to show much emotion besides humor.

I cant write in a journal because my mother has always been very perceptive on those things, she would just go into my room and look at something that she didnt see last time. My sister gets punished more often for that but I know she still watches both of us like a hawk when writing other than homework.

Distractions dont work, I do my best work under feelings of discontent and when say I play xbox or talk with people I begin to use it as blinds so that I dont have to think about how I can solve my problem with her. in the beggining of summer all i did was play xbox or a sport. When I talk with people under these feelings I feel like I have a noticeable "chip on my shoulder" and I dont want people to not like me because of how I am feeling that day. The other day when I was in my house alone I wanted to screem profanities but I thought our neighbor might hear.

Thank you for the link I will look at it now.
   
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Re: I am starting to slip away - August 14th 2011, 07:42 PM

I know how you feel about asking for help. But the thing is, friends and family.. basically the people close to you.. they care about you and that means helping you when you are in need. A lot of times, you need to take that leap of courage and trust that they will help you. And if they don't, go to another person.

Could you maybe keep the journal in a secret place? I heard that there are some people who find it helpful when they write all of their emotions down, then destroy it. Perhaps that could be of use to you? When you say that your mother is perceptive -- does this give you the impression that she really does care about you? If so, then maybe talking to her is a good idea. And if not, then maybe someone else you trust can talk to you and your mother together?

If playing on the Xbox/socializing with your friends distract you from hurting yourself, then that could be one or two of your alternatives. I get the feeling that you hide your feelings and emotions. I would suggest to not do that, because bottling strong emotions and feelings up isn't a good idea. Expressing and channeling them can be helpful to you and others in the long run.
   
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Re: I am starting to slip away - August 15th 2011, 02:24 AM

Its not that I dont like trusting them, I just hate showing weakness, because someone always tries to capitalize on weakness, its not usually me but it used to be (in middle school) and I dont think I can handle that at this point because it would be easier to go crazy on someone's rear end. I think like you said I'll destroy it, I wish I had matches or something though, that would probably make it more enjoyable.

She is caring, but we cant share a conversation for more than two or three minutes (I'm serious she will raise her voice after or pressure me into a conversation I dont want to have). She said sorry just weeks ago after my whole family jumped on her neck after she cursed the heck out of me and the next day she was back at it....

The problem with socializing or playing xbox is that I begin to become obsessed with what ever gets me out of feeling hurt. and thats when I start to let the rest of my life rot, my room gets messy, I stop doing chores and lessen a grip on my responsibilities

I went to the link you posted and I will probably use the freezing ice one, it seems calming and mind numbing.
   
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Re: I am starting to slip away - August 15th 2011, 08:17 PM

You don't have to put up this image of being strong and humorous all the time. You're human and it's okay to be sad. That doesn't have to be a weakness. At the end of the day, if you continue with this facade, you will be worn down emotionally -- if not already.

I think it would be highly beneficial for you to consider speaking to a health professional, like a counsellor or your local doctor. They would be able to help in a lot of ways - from your situation with your mother to you feeling like you have to be a person who shows no weaknesses, because I suspect there might be some underlying issues.

I am glad you have found an alternative that seems to work for you. Although, please keep in mind that it isn't too good because it would be considered as self harm as it still causes pain despite being safer. However, if this works for you, then by all means stick with it. You may want to move onto non-painful alternatives in the long run.

If you need any more help, you are welcome to message me.

Take care!
   
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Re: I am starting to slip away - August 17th 2011, 01:39 PM

thank you.
   
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