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mcspaz Offline
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Unhappy Hopeless. - August 14th 2011, 05:51 AM

All things considered, I have come to the conclusion that nothing in this life truly matters.
This can be a burden and a gift; it can tie you down and set you free.
Right now, however, it just seems to be caging me into despair.

My life is going through the toilet, and I have no hope. I have no dreams. There is no fire in my heart or behind my eyes-- I am naive, I am awake to that fact. I am a fool, and it shows.

I've spent the last three hours crying in a ball. I did this yesterday as well. And the night before. My insomnia is growing worse. Thoughts of death are increasing in frequency.

I know that I should be coping, but I can't. I just can't. That would be mean moving on. Letting go. I am not willing to let go, so I will sit here, and pretend not to care until I am alone long enough to let it all spill out.

I am alone, and, in the long run, it honestly would not matter if I terminated my existence. That is just fact, hard and true. I am supposed to find something to live for, to hold dear, but I cannot. Everything has a connection and it all relates back.

I have a high anxiety fear of rejection and disappointment from my friends and relatives. Especially my mother, whom it seems impossible to have any respect for. But I feed on her approval.

I guess for me, the hard part is accepting that things will get better. I don't want them to get better, I want them to be the way they used to be.

I cannot have that, and it is killing me inside. I'm so hopeless. I'm so helpless. I feel very alone, and I am frightened.


I go to hear my inner voice and all I hear is high pitched screaming echoing within the hollow.
   
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lilly242 Offline
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Re: Hopeless. - August 14th 2011, 06:48 AM

There would be alot of things i would say but my hands get really tires
FIND SOMETHING IN YOUR HEART TO LIVE FOR THINK ABOUT LIVING TO DO JUUST THAT ONE THING THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU WOULD DEVISTATE ALL OF THEM IF YOU LEFT WE MAY NOT KNOW WHO REALLY LOVES US BUT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO DOES AND JUST THINK THAT ONE DAY U WILL MEET THEM AND HAVE SOMETHING TO LIVE 4

U CAN TALK TO ME AAANNNYYY TIME BABE!
IM HERE 4 U IM JUST REALLY GLAD 2 SEE IM NOT ALONE SO I DONT WANT U TO FEEL ALONE


MiSuNdErStOoD ǏȠ Ɋ ḒḯḟḟḗƦƏƞţ ƉĺƜƏńśłǒń ♥♥♥
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Re: Hopeless. - August 14th 2011, 01:23 PM

Hey there,

Life is hard sometimes, and when things change you can wish for them to be the way they used to be. I'm sorry that for you, you feel as though that is all you want and you don't want to move forward and let it go. I know it's hard to realise that you have to sometimes, and often it can make you feel worse because you feel a bit helpless in getting things the way you want them, but I want to let you know that you're not alone. The world is full of people who wish for things to go back to how they used to be. People grow, we change, and we watch the world and those around us change too. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. When things happen, they happen for a reason though, and the only way is forward I'm afraid. When it comes to feeling as alone as you talk about here, I think it's important for that to change - the reason being that nobody deserves what you have described. To feel alone is one of the worst things to feel in my opinion, and I really do hope you find a way to talk to somebody. We all have some sort of fear of rejection, but sometimes facing your fears is all you can do, and I think it's important that you find a way to talk to somebody - preferably a professional - about all of this. The thoughts of death shouldn't be things you think of. Life can be wonderful, and death shouldn't be something you crave. Talking to a professional should help clear that up, and while it will take a while, it will be worth it when your life is something you are proud of and living fully.

Stay strong. It's hard to realise that things will get better, but they can, and they will if you try to make them. You can't live your entire life hiding away from change and better days, because that's just not fair on you. You have a right - just like the rest of us - to live a happy life, free from being afraid of everything and alone. You have a right to be the best person you can be. Don't back away from it. Change is the only way it will happen. Not every change is good, but it can't go back to how it was once it's happened, so you've just got to roll with it. Keep your chin up. You can do this. I believe in you.

Stay strong.
Hollie.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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