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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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call_me_strange Offline
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sorry for the long ass rant - August 17th 2011, 05:18 AM

Im not sure what I want anymore
im tired of living in this house, im tired of having to cut just to feel ok. im tired of life.I mean I keep looking for a reason to live but eachday it seems like my list gets shorter and shorter and all I want is to just be happy, for once in my life. I cant remember the last time I was happy

everynight i write in my journal, im constantly playing, and listening to music. i try my best to excersise but NOTHING maes me happy . my father abused me physically and verbally all my life, i honestly hate him. my mother means well but her comments on my weight have caused me to stop eating, even though technically i realize that im actually quite thin, i feel so fat around her . i dont have an issue with my appearance per say, i do like the way I look face wise, but my weight is some thing i despise

my friends all left me, we had conflicts they no longer invite me out places and im stuck home alone all the time. not like I would be able to go out, i have such a fear of people judging me. my anxiety makes it hard for me to get out, do things. i have panic attacks all the danm time and i have no help whatsoever. everyone left me.

I honestly want to die, sure maybe a part of me wants to live ( who dosnt) but i see no alternative. i just want to be done with all of this. especially with school starting in a couple weeks, im scared and I dont want to deal with people. im not very well liked by other people at school so that freaks me out to. and basically everyone found out i selfharm thru a whole bunch of little messes

im scared of being a failure, the past year was pretty bad for me grade wise and my dad keeps calling me stupid... im afraid im not going to be anybody, im not going to be influential in my life.

i dont know what to do anymore
   
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Re: sorry for the long ass rant - August 17th 2011, 06:58 AM

To start off, you should only do what makes you happy and stay at the weight that you want to be at, don't be intimidated by your mom or listen to your dad about your appearance. As for your friends, they aren't really that good of friends if they stop hanging out with you just because you disagree on something. You can always make new friends or live in the spur of the moment. You can also have your anxiety issues checked out by a doctor and even get medication to help you deal with the anxiety an paranoia.

School may be a bit tough this year, but it is certainly not a thing to make you depressed over. B's are good as grades and shouldn't be seen as failing. If you are struggling though, you can probably get a tutor to help you with whatever troubles you. I'm sure you'll do just fine.

You shouldn't be scared about what will happen this year. You should be happy for everyday that you're living this year, and for the rest of your life, as there is just so much to live for and enjoy out of life. Suicide is a permanent cop out to temporary problems, and you have to realize this. Things will be better in time, and you'll be glad that you get to enoy life and all of it's wonders.

Stay strong and confident. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything. <3


Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
An' all the mistakes one life contained
They all finally start to go away

How can I be lost?
If I've got nowhere to go?
   
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Re: sorry for the long ass rant - August 17th 2011, 10:35 PM

just saying, I LOVE YOU! *hug* i understand the pain you are going through and you don't deserve it. you are a beautiful person inside and out. i don't know you but i would like to. i will be your friend and i promise you, i won't run. its not something i do to the people i love. i am here for you, PM me if you need to talk. *hug* LOVE FOREVER, NAKITA





"Stop acting like you know what I've been through, you know nothing until you've actually lived every moment and felt every ounce of pain that I have."

"Someone asked me if i missed you, I just walked away then I whispered, so much" I'll miss you forever, Vernon and Charlene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bWrL...eature=related
   
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