Triggering (Suicide): He might do it... and I'm so scared

[Roy-kun231]

A while ago, I posted a thread in Death and Grieving saying that a friend of mine had died by suicide. Only an hour after that, he texted me and that angered me so much.

Now he's talking about it again. When I tried to talk him out of it, he said "F off."

I left him the following message:

But before I go, I'll leave you this lyric from Evanescence's Whisper: "Don't turn away. (Don't give in to the pain.) Don't try to hide. (Though they're screaming your name.) Don't close your eyes. (GOD knows what lies behind them.) Don't turn out the light. (Never sleep, never DIE.)" And from Tourniquet: "My wounds cry for the grave. My soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied... CHRIST? Tourniquet. My SUICIDE...."

And he just texted me saying "Ok ok. sorry?"

I can't remember how many times I've cried over his suicidal talk and it's so triggering sometimes, especially when he asks me about methods. I am a self-injurer, I admit, and sometimes he can be triggering.

Plus I've been triggered over the last couple weeks because I've been waking repeatedly every night for the last month, I just switched out of English Honors because I can't handle the work, my family's having financial issues, my brother's verbally abusive towards me even though he's seen that it makes me SI, and on top of all that, my friend Chloe offers no support and instead tries to guilt-trip me out of depression.

I don't see any point to anything... Why get along with people when it's only going to end in the pain of being bullied? Why go to school and try for a job when it's so hard to get a job? Why try for friends when you're expected to listen and listen and listen to them but not be able to expect the same? Why try for romance when the only person who you can feel will love you lives a state away and is currently in another country? Why try to get along with my brother when he verbally abuses me? why tell people what's wrong if they aren't going to try to help?!?

I'm crying right now because of all this. Everything's coming down on me emotionally at once and it's so hard.

[JellyBean4986]

I'm sorry that things are so hard right now. Have you ever tried talking to your friends what they are doing, and how you feel about it? Somtimes people will do things and not consider how other people respond to it. And your friend Chloe, she may be trying to help you in the only way she knows how....If you talked to her and told her that what she's doing isn't helping then maybe she would stop trying to make you feel guilty. As for your friend thats suicidal, you need to tell him that talking about suicide is really triggering you, and that you do care about him, but you can't talk to him about it anymore its too triggering.
I know you want to help your friend, but you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. You need to know your limitations, and create boundaries with your friends. Its not fair that they lean on you all the time, but you can't lean on them. You should confront them about it...let them know that you always listen to them, but it seems like they never want to, or don't have the time to listen to you.
I hope this helps some, and that you feel better hun. If you ever want to talk you can pm me!

[Roy-kun231]

With my friend Chloe... it's not that she doesn't listen, because she actually pressures me into telling her, threatening to not be my friend if I don't. What it is with her is that she doesn't care once she finds out what triggers me. She just tells me to suck it up and forget about it. But it's hard to forget an abusive sibling when you live with them.

It really hurts that she doesn't care. She doesn't understand and I know she never, NEVER, will understand. Popular people like her with as much attitude and self-esteem as her don't care about the silent sufferers. Not when they find out the silent one's suffering, anyway.

[SheaWords]

I know how this is, my friend is always threatening this too, and it feels like I can't help, but you're doing more than you think. Everything you do can help them. It'll be ok, always. And things with your family and friends, that will work out too, it always does. We were in the rut for a while with money, but we're slowly pulling ourselves back up. And with your friends, you just need to talk to them, and if they still dont improve, maybe focus ur trust and venting to someone else.
Im here for you, and we're praying for u and ur friend

[Roy-kun231]

He's talking about suicide again... I'm so scared he's gonna attempt and if that happened I'd never be able to forgive myself...

[Sythan]

Then I think it's time to tell a counselor or call the police so he can get help. A friend that's mad at you for intervening is better than a friend that's gone because you didn't want to me them angry at you.