Triggering (Suicide): another story in the books, and its a tragedy.

[SoraKat]

I hate this life i live. I hate who i am. i hate how i feel. I want to be hollow again, because im not. I just hate everything. I used to be hollow, and you know what i used to wish to not be, but now why is that all i want? why do i want to want death. Why do i want to lack hope...

i guess its because i want to die. I want to freaking die. I hate life, i hate how messed up it is. i hate how nobody gets it. I hate how everything just seems like a lie. I hate confusion. I hate people, i hate love, i hate everyhting. i hate life. i hate it.

yeah a lot of hate. Why i cant bring myself to stop trying makes me wonder... why do i care what everyone says? why do i care if.. anythign? why cant i just frickin die and have everyone disappear. I want to disappear, i want to have never existed. All it is is pain. brief normality, followed by pain. I just want to hurt. I want to feel everything because being happy just doesnt work anymore. being normal isnt the right way.

im losing it... obviously. what could make me feel more hollow........ a lot of things. And ukw one of these days i will do it. One of these days i will have enoguh

sadly, being super impulsive doesnt help anythign..... ha. but i want to see their faces when they see im dead.

they will say "We gave her it all we were THERE for here why would she do this to us?"

i can see it. I can hear it. I can feel the sadness... and it comes to a point where i dont care anymore. Except for my sister.

this is when i wish she werent here, because then i could go without too much guilt...

i want to see what my friends would say. i want to see their faces when they hear i died, when they see how bad i was.

I want to have this because without it i have nothing. Without this death i am nothign.

because if i live, then im just another story of SHE SURVIVED. what if i want a tragedy? ive always liked those better anyway.

im tired of me. tired of existing. its not fun. its not happy. i want to fall in a pile and die.


Emotions dont make sense. NOTHING makes sense.


what if i actually did it after i write this? i know i wont.. but then just imagine id be gone id be dead. another story in the books.

[StargazingDragon]

Sometimes its not death we long for. Sometimes we just want to matter. Other times we just want to be saved. Thats why most books have heroes. It's in human nature to matter, to be loved, to be saved. I wish you the best.

[MichWolverineFreak]

Yeah, I know what thats like... to just fall asleep and never wake up again, and see the reactions of everybody... remember though, if your dead, you wont be able to see their faces and how theyd say, "What could I have done to help her?".
I agree with the above post. I tried as hard as I could to matter to someone, and she stomped on my heart... yet Id still do anything to matter to her.

[SoraKat]

i just always hurt all over... sigh.

thanks guys

[Cincilator]

One of my really close friend said me one day "I just wanna die, no reason to live. we are just living for nothing etc" He was kind of right, i was like "yeh seriously why do we live" I agreed with him because i hate the system. I hate playing "the game". Life is a big lie to me. Everyone is greedy etc. I wanted to die. I seriously wanted to die even tried killing myself. Then i learnt that i have to fight back. Maybe there are some good stuff that i can enjoy a lot. Life also has a positive part. We have to face the negative part though, unfortunately. But that shouldnt make us try to kill ourselves.