It kills me to know I'm already dead inside

[ImaginedReality]

I might as well already be. I have no friends, no past, future, hope, life. My social anxiety destroyed it all..everything I could've had that most other people take for granted. I feel like depression is eating me up inside with every passing useless day and I'm just stuck in the biggest ditch with no way out Nothing anyone says helps cause they're normal and happy and don't understand. I'm gonna be 21 in just a few months and have never had a boyfriend, or even really a friend. Nobody's ever liked me or even known me. If I died nobody would care or even know I was here
because I never existed in the first place. I don't have online friends either cause I suck at talking even online I've been trying to see a councelor since that's the one small chance I have but my mom says she won't pay for it because she thinks it'll make me look crazy (like i'm not already) and I can't get a job to pay for it myself because of my fear of being around people. Even if I could go I probably couldnt make myself anyway cause I'd be too scared:/ this is pretty much the way everything is in my life. So many terrible regrets because of being afraid So I dont know what to do or where to go, how to help myself, how to live, and I have no one to help me Should i just give up? What's the point of life if you can't live..

[ImaginedReality]

Oh and to make it all even worse, there's this really amazing guy who I only know online that I like and he's been asking me to call him but I know I can't. He thinks i'm this confident normal girl online but if he knew me in real life he'd know what a freak I am who can't even talk My voice would shake and I'd mumble and he'd be dissapointed and go on to a better, confident girl without these issues. Give up on me just like everyone else has done He's literally the only person who even noticed that I'm alive:/ So it would just kill me to make him realize who I really am A socially anxious freak with no friends and no life.

Another luckier girl will get the chance I blew with him and that would would be the final straw to make me want to end it all, I know it
Don't say there will be other guys. Not for me. People don't care to get to know you if you're like this...Shy people usually never get anything good in life. so theres no point...anyway can someone please help me??

[Raining Glitter]

No matter what, you always have a future. You can always change and make things better! I know you can live a happy life, you just need to stop being scared too.

I know what you are going through. I use to be just like that. I was deadly shy and would let people walk all over me. I was even depressed and suicidal once. If I could get through this, you can too! It's time to stop regretting being afraid and to start not being afraid. If you regret it so much-do something about it. That's what I did, and you can too!

Okay, you are definitely not a freak. I don't care what you say, you are NOT a freak. If you are a freak, that would mean I am a freak, and I know I am not a freak, so you can't be one either.

Don't worry about dating. You know most people are getting married in their late twenties? You still have a long off before that point! And even then, you still have a good chance of finding someone you love. I know you don't want to hear this, but there are other boys in the big blue sea. There's 7 billion people on this earth, there is someone for you.

Even with the online dude. Although I'm ifish about dating people you haven't met yet (but that's more me). I know you feel like you are living a lie, but so is everyone else. Every single person who is "confident" actually isn't. A lot of people who are confident actually have this thing I like to call fake confidence-meaning that they actually are really insecure, don't believe they can do it, but they force themselves and still try because they know not trying means you won't accomplish anything. You can be confident like that too! I was able to force myself to act like that, so can you. It is just taking those first few steps. Baby steps. If you try, you will eventually succeed!

I bet the guy will still like you, even if you aren't as confident as you seem online. Haha some guys actually find that kinda cute-girls who can act like they are confident, but also have some weak points to protect. So don't give up and try it. Also try being honest to him. Let him know that you are more shy in real life. He talks to you for a reason, so he knows you are a good person and he enjoys talking to you-so it really shouldn't change anything. Once you become honest with him, you'll feel better!

I know you feel like you never will find someone, but I know you will! You just need to stop bashing yourself and hiding yourself from the world. I have a fear of rejection, I must admit, and I'm guessing you have one too? You can't let your fears control your life or you won't be happy. Sometimes you need to dive into the pool even though you know it's gonna be cold, because you need to start swimming sometime and it does get warmer. I use to let my insecurities and fears hold me back, and I must admit, that's one of the reasons why I haven't dated yet. There are boys interested in you, but you are too insecure to see it. You make excuses for possible flirting/kindness towards you and you hide your feelings because you are worried about being rejected. When I did that, the boys who liked me actually end up moving on because they thought I didn't like them like that. It's the same for you! Stop hiding your feelings. You are a truly wonderful girl that a guy would love to be with.


About the mumbling thing... Honestly it can be worse than me in real life. I have a speech impediment, so basically I sound like I'm five when I'm not. It sucks and it makes me really insecure. But I still talk. I talk on the phone even though I hate doing it. It talk in videos, even though I hate doing that took. I talk to my friends, family, new people, and I raise my hand a lot in class. I might butcher what I'm saying, but I still talk because at least talking doesn't hold me back. It's practice to get better, whether I'm getting better or not. At least I'm communicating and that's worth something. You should try it too. And hey they say the quite shy people are the type of people who have the best, interesting stuff to say. So stop hiding the world from that and bless the world with your voice! People want to hear you, whether you realize it or not.

I'd love to be your friend and to get to know you. It would be the same in real life too I'm the type of person who likes getting to know everyone, if they were to let me. There's many other people like me out there, so don't hold back from them, okay? They can't get to know you if you don't let them.

I do care and would love to get to know you Be happy to pm me anytime you get frustrated about something! I would love to listen to you! Plus getting it off your chest helps so much.

Stay strong. You are worth so much to this world! Please don't throw it away.