Failure

[witchita]

Its hard to think that the last 12 months have changed me so much . I went from being a social chatty teenager to completly ignoring everyone. Ive isolated myself from everyone and now it feels to late to get them back.
Parents
It is an important academic year for me, exam after exam after exam. deciding wether i get into a good sixth form. I hate exams, they stress me out so much. But I was never always this worried about them. I dread screwing up, Im scared that I'll be a failure to my parents. I love them soo much but I would hate to disapoint them.
The source of my problem
I cannot be sure but I believe that my anti social issues have been caused from failing my Black belt in karate. In year 10 everyone knew I was preparing for my black belt, though when i did fail I decided to tell them the truth. Suddenly I felt like an even bigger failure. It hurt that much that I ended up quiting. Something I use to love so much I had threw away. Now, my parents never told me I was a disapointment to them to my face but I often feel like Ive screwed up big time. I ruined my chances of becoming the first black belt student in my school, the first black belt in my family and even my sensi's (the karate instrucors) assistant.
Regret
Even today, a whole year on I hate thinking about the day I failed. Now everytime I go into an exam I feel the exact same stress as the day of my blackbelt grading. I dont want to disapoint my family as much as I already have.

The truth is, I miss everything. I miss my old friends and I miss being able to talk to someone and feel like im saying the right thing.

[Dream]

Pardon me if I'm wrong, but isn't a black-belt something you have to try multiple times to earn? It is supposed to be a difficult test, and most difficult tests in life, especially in the professional world, have a high initial fail rate. For example, the bar exam to become a lawyer, or certification exams for accountants (just a couple of example), both have high initial fail rates. The point is you know what you need to do if you fail it and then try harder next near- even if it is hard in between. At least you tried and made it all the way up to it. I used to be too afraid to even do anything related to any form of martial arts.

Test anxiety sucks. Eventually you have to just get to the point where you know you put in effort preparing and so you can forgive yourself when it doesn't go so well. Things get harder as you advance, and eventually you have to just accept that you cannot be perfect at higher levels (of marital arts, education, etc.). What matters is that you just roll with the punches so to speak and keep trying.

[Come get some]

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan

[Lars]

We all fail in life man, its not what defines us. How we get up and take the strides to get back to the top is what makes us who we are.