Triggering (SH): Suicide is the way out

[Alergnon]

Suicide and self-injuring is always on my mind. I think of ways to just end all of this torment and pain I have within me. How can I possibly do such a thing to myself and others, I know why because no one understands what I'm going through at all. I may seem fine and fixed to be alive to everyone around me but no one sees how horrific it is inside of me.

I struggling with suicide on a daily basics and I try my best to not hurt myself at all, but today was hard for me so I had to do something. Then I talked to someone online and it helped a lot.

No one knows what it feels like inside of my head and body. I hate myself to the point I hurt myself. I get imagines of thoughts of, going to the washroom and cutting open a vein and turning the shower on and all the blood dripping down the drain all my pain and torment gone. It's in the drains where I won't see it again. But, I haven't done anything like that.

I just wish this stuff inside my head will go away. It just won't go away at all. It's like something inside of me is destroying me inside. My past coming up from behind me and sneaking up and scaring the crap outta me. Then I fall from a building and land hard on the cement below dieing again inside.

I just wish everything will get better. I ran out of my one medication and I'm outta town and I feel the effects it has on me without having it. Going to me hell going back on it because my world is going to fall again like it is now.

I hope the new year will bring joy to me. But how can I believe it when it brings illness to me and I feel sick to the point I almost have to puke my guts out. Whatever.

[Liz94]

Things will get better. Afterall when you are at rock bottom the only way is up.

I am glad that talking to someone helped, When you feel suicidal remember that. Come on this site and the frienship and love you will feel will keep you going.

stay strong and keep fighting.

[Missmaggie55]

I know that where you are right now is not where you will always be. Everything in life is temporary and I promise you that the horrible feelings you have will go away. I was once in your position and I thought about suicide on a daily basis. The thing is, that this part of your life will actually help you help others down the road. Focus on the small things in life that make you smile. Maybe a hot bath or a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Write down five things that make you smile every day. Don't write anything down until you literally smile...it might take some time. I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but I promise that things will get better. You are so much more than you even know. I'm always here if you want to chat. My email is Maggie@start-living-your-life.com.

Sending you strength, love, and courage.

[millerdancer15]

I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way. I'm currently on an anxiety/OCD/depression medication because I was having problems too.

The national suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255. You can call and talk to somebody if you need to, or there are a lot of great people on here that would love to talk with you. Me included.

Speaking from experience, things WILL get better.