Triggering (SH): I'm absolutely done this time

[Admon]

As some know, I've posted many times on here before. All because of this one girl. She is my best friend but I am also deeply in love with her. She knows is and kissed me one time. She started dating a guy on my birthday after I begged her not to. And today I was at her house all day. Her parents arent home and she told me that her and her sister were going to drink and have bonding time. Soon after, her sister walked by and asked "when is **** coming over". Her boyfriend. Understandably I freaked out a bit and we both ended up just crying. I know she can feel the same way for me but she just won't do it or someig idk. So now I'm home and I feel awful. I am so worried and everything and I honestly just want to cut up my arms or something worse. I've never done anything like this but I just feel like I need to think about a different pain. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so weak and pathetic now and I need help

Edit: well i ended up cutting my shoulders up because I simply had nothing to think about or due. I'm so fed up and emberassed that I even did it. No offense to anyone that cuts. I don't even know wjy I did it. Maybe to know that i can still feel pain. Oh well. I'm sorry

[Admon]

Also, she says it's so difficultult to balance time with me and her boyfriend. I feel like maybe I should just take myself out of her life and stuff. Idk