I am pushing away everyone, friends, mom, bro

[Childish Giggle]

For the past 2 days, my phone stays either switched off or on silent and I am not taking calls. Not even my bestest friend's calls who must have called like 6-7 days. I put the landline down too. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just feel like being miserable. I tried being happy, achieved it and then ran away from it. Because I hated it. Everything about it! I prefer misery. And part of running away is pushing everyone away. Its my close friend's birthday tomorrow, and I am yet to take her call and hear out what she wants to do tomorrow. I don't want to go celebrate it with her. I'd rather be home and be miserable. I am being a selfish bitch right now.
I don't want to get better. I tried, and ran away from it. My mum knows that I am not okay and she is all okay if I want a counselor. I am yet to tell her that yeah get me an appointment. Because I don't want better. I want misery and sadness. Its so much better that happiness.

[Palmolive]

hi there. I was wondering if you're happy being this way? Because if yot dont mind living like this and you're okay with it then i dont see why yot would be posting in here. So i'm wondering if this is more of a cry for help. Sometimes when we've been suffering with depression and felt low for a long time we get into the habbit of being that way and some people actually find it easier and more comforting to stay wrapped in their old habits because it can become their comfort zone and because they're so used to it that to them it feels safe and the best way. I think yot need to take a step back from your situation and really think about what it is yot want. Not just for now or the next few weeks but for the rest of your life. If you choose to be this way them ultimately that is your choice. Your in control of what you do. But it doesnt have to be this way. Really think about it all. Take good care. Jessie

[minniemouseprincess]

I don't think anyone really likes being miserable. Maybe you DO want help but just are scared of getting it? Dude, I KNOW you'd be a lot happier and have more fun if you were out celebrating your friend's birthday. Why would you want to miss out on it? Go be with people that care about you dude, it will make you better. Go tell your mom you want that appointment, it will make you better. If you don't do anything to change your situation, you won't get better. Who really wants to be miserable for always? Nobody. Only you can improve your life dude. People can help you, but in the end, you hold all the power and make the choice to let yourself get better.