Everything Is Just TOO Much

[MadaLynn81]

Well , I'm depressed . I can tell . I have all the signs . But one day I was talking to my grandma because I was grounded and she wanted to have a talk .. Well , she kept criticizing me . So , I ended up telling her what was going on . I never wanted to tell her because I knew she would just tell everyone . And she did . I wanted to tell my counselor . I will Thursday . But , I can't tell her about my cutting && thoughts of suicide . I don't want people to know . I tell my friends I quit cutting and I tell everyone I'm fine , but I'm really dying inside . No one understands . I started to push everyone away . After I realized it I wanted to try to get them back but now they don't have anything to do with me . I feel sooo alone . I don't know what I should do . I think A LOT about suicide && I have to cut pretty much everyday . I just wanna give in . End it all . I try to think , " I have too much to live for . " But then I really think that I don't because I've already pushed everyone away from me . They don't know what's going on and they just make things worse sometimes . I don't know how to tell poeple what's going on . I feel soo alone . There is nothing I can do . I'm trapped . I don't know what to do .

[Amberpamber]

MadaLynn, I'm sorry that you've gone through all this and that you feel the way that you do. I hope that eventually some of your friends if they really are true friends will come back to you, if not you'll make new 1's don't worry. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to message me anytime. I'm always here to help.

[minniemouseprincess]

Sweetheart, don't push the people you love away. Thats why you feel so alone right now. I think people will understand if you give them the chance to. I think what you gotta do now is tell someone. I know its not something you want to do. I know you don't want people to know. But its come to the point where maybe they need to know..And when they do, then what? They may be upset. They may not be. We don't know. But even so, its better that they know. When they know, they will be able to get you the help you need. You'll be able to get better quicker. And im sure you do want to get better. You do have so much to live for. You have your whole life ahead of you, a life that will be beautiful. I have a friend who is in the same boat as you. She has been for as long as i've known her for, 3 years. I've been trying very hard all this time to get her to feel better. It just isnt happening=( But the reason why its not happening with her is because even though im trying for her, she's not trying for herself. Until she WANTS to get better, she wont. Its the same way for you. If you want to get better, you will. Don't worry about telling people. It wont be as bad as you think. If your friends are true friends, they will stay and continue to be supportive of you no matter what. Your parents will also be supportive and get you help. If you ever want to talk, im here=)

[Victoria ♥]

Hey Madalyn,

I'm sorry to hear your grandma told everyone what you'd spoken to her about. maybe the reason she did that was so that people knew and they could help support you? Has she spoken to you about it since, or has anyone else in your family?

It seems that you do want to get help madalyn, which is really positive, but it seems you're worried about the consequences of opening up completely to your counsellor, which is understandable. From what you've said though, maybe being honest with your counsellor will be the best thing to do? Yes, it may mean that she has to pass that information on, but also, it may mean that you start getting the help and support that you need and deserve. One idea is to ask your counsellor about confidentiality. Maybe you could tell her that you want to tell her something important, but that you're worried she may have to pass that information on and see what she says.

From what you've said, it seems like you're still struggling with self harm so i wanted to include TeenHelps list of alternatives, and also some first aid information. Take a look through these if you get the chance. Overcoming self harm can be really difficult, but if it's something you feel you want to achieve at the moment, the self harm alternatives thread gives some really great ideas on how to keep yourself distracted when you get the urge to hurt yourself. Another thing i can say is this... If you are struggling, it is really important you tell someone, i know that you're worried about talking to your counsellor, but maybe you could opening up to just one friend you feel you can trust. Were the friends you spoke to last time helpful? Alternatively you could try phoning a helpline (click here for a list). Just remember that you're never alone and there are ALWAYS people there to talk to and support you.

I wish there was something i could say to make things a little easier. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Stay positive and look after yourself,
My PM box is always open,
Vicky