Why am I crying?!

[Childish Giggle]

I don't know why I am crying right now! I just can't figure it out! All day today I just wanted to cry and let the pain or whatever it was that I felt to go out with the tears. Now that I've started crying I can't stop. And I can't figure out why I am crying!!!!!!! I don't know why I cry so much! I just don't know!
Mom asked me many times why I am crying, but I don't know. I just can't find an answer to that! It is so difficult to explain it to her! I don't know what is wrong with me or why it is so wrong. She has been trying to persuade me to talk to her and see if counselling can be avoided. She thinks that it is something that I have on my mind and by telling her I'll be able to get a weight lifted off my chest. BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!
I am finding it difficult to laugh when she is trying to make me laugh. All I want to do is stay on here and stop pretending. but they don't understand what TH means to me. For once, I don't have to explain what I am feeling even though I myself don't know what I am feeling. They want me to get off the laptop and start smiling and be fake. When I just want to let out the tears that I tried to get all day and talk to someone who can understand! tears that don't come anymore. It just feels so nice to be able to cry when they come! And they don't understand how good it feels! I don't want to make anymore promises to myself that I won't cry ever. I wish I'd never made them! Those promises are the reason that I find it difficult to cry and don't stop crying once I start!
I hate those promises. I hate them so so much. I want this to go away! I just want to know why I am feeling this way!! I just want them to understand!!
I was so miserable at school today. SO SO miserable! I don't know why! I was actually in a good mood in the morning and it just shifted for no reason and all I wanted to do at that time was crying! But the bloody tears won't come! I tried cutting, it didn't work. I just made the cut deeper than usual! And now that I am crying they are telling me to stop! They are asking why?! I DONT KNOW WHY! I CANT FIGURE IT OUT!
The 30 minute walk with mom was so horrible. I tried to smile and joke but inside I was dying! I just wanted to cry! WHY!!
SOrry for any grammatical mistakes, its dofficult to see through the tears and I'll stop rambling now.

[Artistic Soul]

Awww! You know, sometimes we just have to let it out, and crying is a good way. It happens with me too, as if crying is the only way out. And TH really helps. I understand what you might be feeling right now.
Please stay strong and take care!
Feel free to PM/VM if you just need to talk. xx

[Childish Giggle]

Ohk, so I am gonna ask everyone to ignore my ramblings. I had a breakdown again. But its all better now. Mommy kinda figured it out
And thank you Manasvi

[Victoria ♥]

Suvrita <3

Even though you've posted since and said you're feeling better now, i still want you to know you aren't alone with things. I'm here if you ever need someone to try to cheer you up/distract you, or a shoulder to cry on.

I guess that sometimes when you're upset and don't know why, it can be worse than being upset and knowing the reason for it (if that makes any sense?). If you know why you're feeling tearful, at least you have something to work with, but just because you don't know why, it doesn't make the way you're feeling any less painful. Geez, i'm making no sense today.

I think it's great that your mum wants to help and talk things through with you, and it seems she's trying to cheer you up by distracting you and making you laugh, but sometimes when you're feeling miserable it can be difficult to change your mood and even things that would normally make you smile don’t help. What are your mums’ reasons for wanting to avoid counselling? I do think it would be a good idea for you to try talking to a professional if you could. Sometimes being able to talk to someone away from the situation who you aren't afraid of upsetting can be more helpful than talking to someone you're close to, because sometimes you can be afraid of being honest with or upsetting the people you love and people you’re around every day.

Also, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying! Honestly, please don’t stop yourself, even if you don’t know why you’re doing it. It’s a healthy way to express yourself and let out how you’re feeling.

Just remember, although things are hard right now, it doesn’t mean things will always be this way. You can be happy Suvrita and things can get better, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I’m here whenever you want to talk,
Vicky <3

[minniemouseprincess]

Pisces=( If you ever feel bad like that, just message me. I'll try to help as best as I can. I'm sorry you had to deal with that yesterday=(