i can't deal.

[xxprincessxx]

Well, I really really hate doing this but sometimes I really feel like I have no where else to turn.

First off, I've been suffering with depression since I was 13, but I got out of it like last year around this time and I was fine since then! But now I feel like I'm falling right back into it and I just don't know what to do.

I honestly hate this, I'm so stressed out with classes and work that I barely get through the week. Then I make really stupid mistakes and I feel like a complete idiot, I'm really just tired of it. I want it to stop, I want to stop obessing over every little thing I do, but I can't help. Especially those moments where there is no way I should have made the mistake I did.

I honestly feel like I can't talk to anybody. It just feels like nobody understands anymore. They'll either use the whole "I'm sorry, I love you" thing or just tell me to "suck it up." I've been sucking it up, I've been thinking positively and it DOES work, but it's NOT now. I don't want my life to go downhill again, I've worked way to hard!

But I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just don't even want to exist anymore. I'll lay in bed and just think "maybe I should take a bottle of pills." But I'm not suicidal....it's not like I think like this all the time or have a plan or want to do. It's just thoughts you know?

If anything is plaguing me, it's thoughts of cutting. I have cut in a long time, like I legit thought I was over it. But everyday, I just think "feeling the pain, will make it stop for awhile." And again, I can't talk to any of my friends....and if I talk to any adult on campus, they would HAVE to tell the campus counselor, who would probably attempt to hospitlize me. Which again, is dumb. I hate the fact that I'm an adult and still have to worry about the consquences of reaching out.

I don't know what to do anymore. >.>

[minniemouseprincess]

I think part of it is the heavy stress load right now. Maybe once all the school stuff are done for the summer, you'll be doing better. I think though for the time being, you should talk to someone if you are really doing bad. Even if you think maybe they don't understand, just help them to or go to them anyway in hopes they will be able to get you some help. In most cases, most people dont fully understand unless they have been through similar situations. Thats what i've found anyway. But Sammie, I KNOW you will do better soon. I know you will. You deserve to have a beautiful life. I've seen so many of your comments on here and they are all so lovely. Heck, you probably SAVED that one girl's life the other day. Who else can say they've done that? You are pretty remarkable Sammie. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.