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trekkiegirl Offline
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Unhappy So much going on in life right now, I'm overwhelmed. - February 20th 2012, 10:05 PM


Well I have numerous things wrong with me and my life. And I can't list them All but I'll try.
1. My dad, he hates me (dont you dare say he doesnt) he's never hugged me, or said I love you. He makes EVERYTHING my fault, no matter how obscure and stupid it is, he makes fun of me every day, calls me names, calls me worthless, he once said he wanted me in a foster home. He calls me a disgrace, and I can't live like this, I envy peoples families. He scares me, it gives me nightmares... He DISGUSTS AND DISTURBS ME.

2. Im fat, I weigh ALOT, I have eating issues, I binge, I just NEED food, Its an outlet I guess, I've been severely depressed my whole life, bullies and my dad, it makes it worse, no confidence, no worth, no motivation what so ever. it just means I won't exercise, and will keep eating. I just need food. too much food. And it just makes me feel worse after

3. Theres a guy and we told eachother we like each other, and hes cute, and perfect for me, but my friends ex (she told me to go out with him) but my lack of social skills and confidence is ruining everything, I know when he wants to kiss me but I cant force my body to do it, Ive never done it, and I want to SO bad, I dream about it. I also text him too much, and I sometimes say weird stupid things....

4. We just got a kitten but it had to be put down, he was perfect, never scratched or bit, just snuggled, so innocent, he had to die, when Im the one who should die, I'd trade places any day, without a word.

AHHHHH

I cut myself, alot, and this isnt new, I dont fear death, infact I welcome it, but I'm too much of a coward to step up to the plate and end it.

I finally a few months ago began seeing a therapist, but she's transferring me to a psychiatrist because I cant be helped by her, I take prozac everyday but it does not help me.
   
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Re: So much going on in life right now, I'm overwhelmed. - February 21st 2012, 12:32 AM

Wow=( Im so sorry hun=( First of all, you can talk to me whenever you need anything. My inbox is always open. Now for everything else.

1). Very sorry about your father=( Do you live with him? If he is this awful to you, I would try to get out of the house. I think if you remove yourself from that environment, you will start to do better yourself. Living there is a very dangerous environment for you. I would see if you could possibly move in with another family member like a grandparent or aunt. It wouldn't even have to be for that long, you are 16 already.

2). This is something you need to talk to your therapist about. I understand why you'd feel this way because of all the years of bullying and your father's verbal abuse. I don't have much advice in this department though because I haven't had much experience with it. All I can say is talk to your therapist about it. She will be able to help you think of things that can be done about it.

3). This guy sounds very nice. Only thing is, don't kiss him because HE wants to. Kiss him because you BOTH want to. If you aren't ready yet, don't do it. Simple as that. These things don't need to be rushed. Its okay to tell him "I want to take this slower." If he doesn't respect that, he doesn't deserve you.

4). Im so sorry=( Why did he have to be put down? Maybe you can get another cat soon. I've had a lot of pets die, I know it can be tough=(

5). The cutting also needs to be addressed by your therapist. She'll be able to give you the most help on that. All I can say is try to find things to distract yourself. Watch tv, email a friend, read a book, find some hobbies you like to do. Do anything but SH.


   
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will was here Offline
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Re: So much going on in life right now, I'm overwhelmed. - February 29th 2012, 09:27 PM

I want to touch on the topic that minniemouseprincess could not reply to and that is the feeling fat issue. I have these feelings as well. I'm going to tell you things that I hope you find helpful. First off our society is not exposed to enough good fat people. what i mean is the heros we see on tv, the fashion glams on the runway, they are all thin! How can we possibly feel good about ourselves when we look at them, and then we look at oursleves. We form ideas in our head as to what we want to look like. it's important to try to curb that idea. A challenge I am faced with and struggle with every day. the truth is we should only do excercise and eat right to be healthy. not to look a certain way. Fighting how our body is shaped is like fighting a river upstream. we have to only work to be healthy. we follow the river and loose the stress and pick up some water lilies along the way.


flower
hello my heart where have you been
I missed you when you left
you ran away with that senseless boy
and left me dim and dry
like a faded flower in the mist

Come back my heart. you have a home here
In this place that is my soul
I want to feel like whole again. don't waste your time with him

Have faith my heart. You'll get a second chance
come back to me and you will not be alone
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