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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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giving up. - March 18th 2012, 04:00 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of the constant cycles. I'm good for a couple of weeks then I fall into a massive pit of depression for a few weeks. It's stupid. I hate even more that I feel like I can't talk to anybody about it. The one person I had that actually understood is overseas, all of my other friends that I talk to say "cheer up," or "make it better," well thanks I wish I could. Same goes for my dad, "you can make it better if you want to." Yeah, because I totally love sitting in a hole of depression.

All this stress isn't helping. I have serious aniexty issues and I have to call a place and do multiple interviews for a class and I can't bring myself to do it, I'm freaking out. I totally BSed an outline that was due and I know he's going to know, but I can't bring myself to call. I have another interview for a job this week, again FREAKING OUT. And I also have to give a presentation in front out a good 100 people at least, also this week. I cannot take this. At all. Nobody understand. "Stop freaking out, just practice, it will be okay." Nobody understands the crippling fear that I'm facing that makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

Of course, my meeting with the campus pastor got cancelled this week. So the one person I could have expressed my feelings to is out of the question. This always happens when I need to talk the most, I'm tired of being the clingy needy kid, who e-mails her every freaking time she cancels because I still need to "talk," so that is out of the question.

Ugh. I seriously just hate my life so much right now. I can't take this shit. I want to cut, I want to feel the pain and see the blood, but I don't want to ruin months of hard work. I want so badly for this to end, but I don't want to hurt anybody in the process. I don't know what to do anymore.



all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3

Last edited by xxprincessxx; March 19th 2012 at 02:55 AM.
   
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Re: giving up. - March 18th 2012, 10:42 PM

Hey Sammie, don't give up hun. That's not the answer, I know it seems like it is but it isn't. You can get through this. If you ever need anyone to talk too you can always message me, I'll be happy to help you through anything. <3
   
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Re: giving up. - March 19th 2012, 02:43 PM

Hi Sammie

I don't think the people around you realize the depths and seriousness of your depression. Maybe if they did, they could respond differently. Maybe you should tell them, give them the info they need so they're more supportive.

If you're in college, is there a counseling center you can go to on a regular basis? The pastor provides support, but it also sounds like other sources would be good, that way, you're not overly dependent on just one person.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: giving up. - March 20th 2012, 12:45 PM

I kinda understand... most of the time, I'm as sad and just have to fake it for the people around me... there are only a few bouts of happiness so I know how it can be, how much you want to just get away... I want to run away from my life too and just go to someplace alone and be there.... but sometimes, we've gotta stick around... it's going to be hard, when is it not so? Life's all about the ups and downs so one's gotta go with it... try writing or other alternatives... I always write... and try finding someone else who can also help or go to a counselor... write all of your feelings down on a page and show them to someone if you can, then maybe they'll understand? try it once, before giving up on yourself... everyone has potential, just gotta live to see it... <3
   
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Re: giving up. - March 20th 2012, 04:44 PM

Cling to any happy moments that come your way. Think of all the tiny little things you'd miss in life if you were gone, then go do one of them. If you're finding everything's too much, confide EVERYTHING to someone and they'll probably want to help. As for feeling needy, I used to rely ENTIRELY on one of my teachers at school. Like, I used to email her at 4am when I couldn't sleep and I used to always feel as though I was bothering her, even though she assured me I wasn't. So don't worry about bothering people, what I learned is that often people WANT to help.

Stay strong <3


Smile and the world will smile with you <3
   
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