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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
soultosave Offline
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And that's that. - March 31st 2012, 05:00 AM

I'm a life-ruiner. That's my job. I've made such a habit of it, it might as well be an actual career choice.

But in all seriousness, I tend to, well, ruin lives. I've ruined my girlfriend's life. She's my best friend in the entire world, and yet I treat her like shit. I have no concern for her feelings, I do what I please, fully knowing I'm doing only harm. And yet, it continually happens. I've ruined another person's life...perhaps not ruined it, but hurt in so many ways I can't even look him in the eyes for I am filled with such shame, regret, and fear.


I have no thoughts left on the matter, except that I need to leave. Go. Far, far away.


She deserves better than this. He deserves better than this. My friends deserve better than this, everyone I've hurt deserves better. I am nothing and all I do is hurt people. There are no apologies left to make, they mean nothing. They're just empty words.


Well I'm through. I'm through hurting others and I'm through hurting myself. I thought I could make it, I really, truly did. I thought "Hey, this stuff isn't going to matter in 10 years! Is it REALLY worth killing yourself over?


Indeed it fucking is. I've got a plan. All I need is to write and mail a few letters, tell people some things I've always wanted to and find the strength to finally--finally--say goodbye. This is one last promise I have to break. After this? I'm gone. No more worries. I guess I'm just writing this to say so long.


You're cold with disappointment,
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

Last edited by soultosave; March 31st 2012 at 05:07 AM.
   
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ARootlessTree Offline
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Re: And that's that. - March 31st 2012, 09:01 AM

No. I love you. You aren't going anywhere. We promised each other that.


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Hollifire Offline
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Re: And that's that. - April 2nd 2012, 06:19 AM

I don't know you very well, but all I can say is that you are worth it. I fully understand that you've hurt people, we all have, but that doesn't mean that you have to leave all the people that you love and care about. Take a second and rethink all of this.

We make mistakes, and hell we'll keep making the same ones over and over again, but you can't let it get the better of you. If you really want to stop hurting people, then you need to change who you are. I'm not saying you're a horrible person, because I firmly don't believe that. I just think you need to take a step back, look at everything you've done in your life, and sort through it. You can make things better if you honestly want to. It will take a lot of effort, but I believe in you. You can do this, and you will get through this part of your life just fine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyQI7tmkG4

Whenever I'm feeling down, like I literally cannot pick myself back up, I'll listen to that song. I know it may not help you feel instantly better, but it may give you the hope that you need to keep holding on.





PM VM

x See the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets x
   
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