Triggering: Control.

.StarDust.♥ · Buddy since - 05/17/2012

I have been SH free for almost two months, all that is gone and faded away now, I lost control, and I broke down, I am a failure to myself, and to everyone else I tryed to prove to that I could do it. I lost :/ nearly two months down the drain to be just back where I started, worse then ever before.

lauri · **Re: Control. -** April 26th 2012, 01:50 AM

Dont be so hard on yourself. Be proud of your self you went 2 months with out cutting. We all have slip ups its okay its hard to stop self harming. It will take time but slowly you can do it. Maybe next time you can go 3 months with out cutting. Taking baby steps is a good thing to do. Set your goal low at first then go higher.

I understand because I one time went with out cutting for a whole year and guess what I went back to it. I felt as bad as you did that I went back to it I thought I was done with it. But I learned slip ups are normal and you cant be so hard on your self. Your human your not perfect and your trying your best thats all that matters.

Instead of cutting talk it out, write whats bothering you, draw with red pen on yourself, punch a pillow, scream in a pillow, jump on the bed, cry or put ice where you want to cut.

PurpleMoon · **Re: Control. -** April 27th 2012, 10:36 PM

Like Lauri said dont beat yourself up about it, you went 2 months!!
Thats a long time trying no to cut!!

There are some things you can do when you have urges like write about your feelings in your journal or a poem

Take a bath or shower. Let the water soothe you and help release your stress. Talking out loud or crying in the shower helps get the pain out that is locked inside you. Let the stress rinse off and send it “down the drain” away from you.

PM me if you need to talk

Billie

.StarDust.♥ · Buddy since - 05/17/2012

None of that every helps, It gets to the point where I HAVE to, and no matter what I am doing, as long as I am alone, ie, the shower, in my room, home alone. its the only time that It hits as hard as it does.

PurpleMoon · **Re: Control. -** April 28th 2012, 05:04 PM

Then maybe it would be best to speak to someone about how you feel.

Let people know how you feel and that you are struggling and that you need help. You need to be strong, its hard i know but in the end it will be worth it.
Try your best.

PM me anytime you need to talk!!

.StarDust.♥ · Buddy since - 05/17/2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillieGirl

Then maybe it would be best to speak to someone about how you feel.

Let people know how you feel and that you are struggling
PM me anytime you need to talk!!

I can't do that, that is one thing I WON'T do, they don't understand, they dont have the time to be here listening to me, they are always with my grampie at the hospital, and I understand that. its just not a good time for any of us, I cant be talking to them about it, because they will think it is just whats going on right now, and they would think nothing of it, and say its okay., that my grampie will get better, but HONESTLY it has nothing to do with him, and it has been going on longer, but they wont take the time to listen to that. So no I cant tell them or anyone at this point.

Kakorrhaphiophobia · **Re: Control. -** April 29th 2012, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .Heartfelt.Guardian.

I can't do that, that is one thing I WON'T do, they don't understand, they dont have the time to be here listening to me, they are always with my grampie at the hospital, and I understand that. its just not a good time for any of us, I cant be talking to them about it, because they will think it is just whats going on right now, and they would think nothing of it, and say its okay., that my grampie will get better, but HONESTLY it has nothing to do with him, and it has been going on longer, but they wont take the time to listen to that. So no I cant tell them or anyone at this point.

I understand you may not be able to talk with anyone in your family with all that is going on right now but try seeing about talking to your counselor, calling a hotline or if either of those are not possible options try finding someone, your friends, anyone you can talk to.
You can't say no one will listen until you try all of your options out, just saying.
Also assuming how they will react will get you no where, I'm sure they all can't be at the hospital 24/7, someone has to be home for at least a couple of hours and in that time you can try sitting down with them and explaining that things are tough for you right now and you understand that everyone is worried about Grampie but you really need help and support. You can also explain that you are not hurting because of what is going on now but because of many things and that you have been feeling this way for a while.
Kayla, I know a lot has gone on and that a lot is happening now and I know it is really scary to open up to someone and to get help but you really need to do this for yourself.
You need to tell people and persistently until someone listens and helps you.

.StarDust.♥ · Buddy since - 05/17/2012

I can't if they are home they are home to sleep, we are never home at the same time. anymore. I can't talk to any friends if there are none that will listen, I told one of my friends and open up to them once, a few weeks ago, and she smacked me over the head because she didnt like me hurting myself, hipocrite because they do it too, or well say they do,I have tryed to talk to people, it just never works they dont listen.

Kakorrhaphiophobia · **Re: Control. -** April 29th 2012, 10:14 PM

Do you feel comfortable talking to anyone at school? Is there a way you can call a hotline as a way to vent or get advice?

.StarDust.♥ · Buddy since - 05/17/2012

I have talked to a teacher, about feeling depressed, but thats it, I never said anything else, and I talked to the guidence people and they didnt help at all :/ and there is no way I can call and talk to someone