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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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phoenixrose Offline
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Unhappy Letting it all out. - July 15th 2012, 09:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I got stupid drunk last week and got really depressed as I sobered up. (The reason I hate drinking) I got upset about the recent death of my cat, my life stresses and my mom and just this big mess thats going on right now, and then this boy Im madly in love with who doesnt even know and I doubt I ever cross his mind, especially now that Ive moved away.

Anyways, so I got depressed as I was sobering up.. and was at a friends party where everyone was past out for the most part. I broke down and went into the bathroom and cut for the first time since I was 15. It was pretty bad, it wasnt even a razor blade it was a whole shaver.. and cause I was still drunk I didnt feel a thing so I slashed pretty badly.. I broke down and was such a mess.. I went to find a long sleeve and ran into a friend who asked what I was doing, and there was blood on my arm so I tried to ignore but he saw and understood automatically. He gave me his shirt to stop the bleeding and helped me look for my bag, we talked for a bit and he calmed me down. I promised not to do it again. And I wont, at least Ill try my hardest.

It feels like a big mistake and I feel embarassed for doing it but then again, it numbed the pain in my heart (for now) and gave me the reasurrance that I am still alive, despite always feeling like a zombie.

Well when I came home I was still upset, and my mom was going through her issues too. She suffers from depression as well. We talked a lot, and she cried about her problems and I comforted her, and I felt like I had to tell my mom what I did. I used to think she didnt care but when I explained what happend and showed her my scabby arm she hugged me so tight and burst into tears again. We both cried a long time.

But, my mom has an aclohol problem and it really badly affects me, Im the mother in this family and shes the daughter. Its ruined my childhood and thats a huge reason I get so depressed. I told her that everytime she goes out with her "friends" I worry and get stressed, also the fact that I get lonely cause its just me at home. So all I can think about is cutting. She called me a guilt trip and that she doesnt drink much, but she does. She gets mad at me for trying to control her and then I feel worse..

I dont know what to do anymore. I feel so messed up and that Im a terrible daughter. I want to fix myself and stop being so depressed..
   
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Re: Letting it all out. - July 16th 2012, 05:22 PM

Hey there,

First, you should be incredibly proud of yourself for telling your mother and getting on here and asking for help. It takes so much bravery to do that. You are really strong.

Now, we all make mistakes and sometimes we slip up and have relapses, It happens to a lot of people recovering from self harm, me included. It's difficult to pick yourself back up and you should be so proud, that you're trying again. Just keep your chin up okay?

I also highly suggest using alternatives to self harm, some times distractions help and can make us feel better. You should try a few! Here's a list of alternatives: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ Just go through the list and try a few you think might work! But don't get discouraged if the first few don't work, not all of them work for everyone! Just keep trying.

I also suggest talking to someone, like a professional about the self harm and depression. It's kind of nerve racking, but it does help. You could also talk about ways to help your mom too.

Things might be tough right now, but you can and will get through this. Just keep your chin up, trust someone, talk to them. I hope this helped! If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me! Take care and good luck!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: Letting it all out. - July 17th 2012, 11:17 AM

Hun I'm so so sorry you have to deal with your mom's problems on top of all your own. That isn't fair at all. Quite honestly your mom really needs some help of some sort. Maybe you could get her to agree to some sort of help? I know it might be a long shot but it might help. And about your little slip up, don't worry, it happens sometimes. The same thing happened to me, I stopped when I was 17 and came to college and I was here for a year and a half and thought I would never do it again and it happened, I let my guard down, and you did the same thing too, just don't let your guard down. and a little bit of advice about the drinking, alcohol is a depressant and you already realized that is making you more depressed when or after you get drunk and with your mom having a problem with depression and alcohol I would highly suggest not drinking or at least not drinking to the point where you get drunk. But anyways don't worry about about slipping up just make a commitment to yourself to not go back and you will be fine if you need to talk about anything else feel free to message me
   
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