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vampirediari Offline
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4 Months Ruined. - August 26th 2012, 08:13 PM

So, last night, my boyfriend and I had a terrible fight. I was SO close to breaking up with him but he told me that he would prove me wrong, so I gave him a chance. That's not the part I regret..

Before the part where we "made up", I was in a complete wreck. I was bawling, I wasn't thinking clearly, I wasn't even thinking at all. I was just so far off.. Anyway, I kind of cut myself after 4 months of being completely SH-free. I didn't draw blood, just made some scratches on my thigh. I wanted to do soooo much more, but I knew I'd regret it even more than I do now. I even broke my laptop because I punched it so hard.

I really disappointed myself and I know I disappointed Sam. I just feel awful He said that I would never understand how sorry he was and that he feels terrible for making me cut again. He said he forgives me, but I don't think he truly does. I won't even forgive myself..

Often you think when you're rejected, that you aren't good enough.
Truth is, they weren't ready for all you had to offer.

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Alex95 Offline
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Re: 4 Months Ruined. - August 26th 2012, 10:50 PM

Hey there That sounds like such a disappointment for you, as you went so long without self-harming, but being able to go 4 months without it shows just how under control you can be about it, if you can do that, you can go another 4 months for sure now! It's good that you only scratched rather than drew blood, it just shows again that you can control it, a little bit at a time, you should be proud relapsing is part of recovering, and you might SH again in the future who knows, but it doesn't matter, next time you feel an urge, just remember how in control you are, and breathe.

You need to talk to your boyfriend about this more, let him know how you're feeling and his part in helping you. He clearly cares about you a lot so don't let him go!

All the best, if you need to talk more, feel free to PM me xx
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Re: 4 Months Ruined. - August 26th 2012, 11:07 PM

Hey there,
i'm glad that you and your boyfriend are working it out.

I have a theory on relapses. I see them as Mile stones. And you still restrained yourself, too! But now you know you can go 4 months. Now you try harder and go longer!

best of wishes,


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