TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bunnyy Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
bunnyy's Avatar
 
Age: 26

Posts: 1
Join Date: September 1st 2012

Unsupportive partner ): - September 1st 2012, 12:34 AM

First post but i've been lurking this forum for quite a while! Basically i've been struggling with SH for about 4 years, and i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, we live together, and he has a *problem* with me self harming. Since moving in with him i've gone from doing it every day or every couple of days to once a week or even less. I appreciate that he doesn't understand it, hell I don't even understand it sometimes... but he always makes it about him, not about me, if that makes any sense? When he finds out i've done it again he gets angry, tells me to stop (which I think a lot of other self harmers will agree that's one of the worst things to say because it puts so much pressure on you and makes you feel guilty when you do it again) and how weird and unsettled it makes him feel. He can't even say "self harm" or "cut" or so on, he always just refers to it as "that thing". He's also said the killer "they're not that bad" when he's seen them which makes me feel like I can't even hurt myself properly, and that comment has made me do it more severely each time since then and now they're getting pretty bad.
I wish he'd just ask me how i'm feeling and if i'm ok sometimes, that's all I want from him. I feel selfish for saying that but no one else knows about it apart from him so I have no one else to talk to :/

/don't even know why i'm posting this really. It would be great if anyone who has a partner who knows about them to offer their experiences with how they react.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
TheCrowing Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
TheCrowing's Avatar
 
Name: Courtney
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Where Brooklyn at?!

Posts: 703
Join Date: January 5th 2011

Re: Unsupportive partner ): - September 1st 2012, 03:54 AM

My first partner was kind of the one that turned me on to SH, so that's out.
But my most recent ex, who I had been engaged to and with for about 5 years did not support me at all.. She actually left me within three weeks of me telling her.
My best advice (because I didn't do it, and I wish I had) is to talk to him about it.. How you feel, why you feel that way. Ask him why he gets angry, tell him what you just wrote above. Maybe he doesn't realize that he's not helping, maybe he doesn't realize that you're actually doing better/trying to do better. Or maybe he might feel like it's his fault. You really don't know exactly why he acts the way he does unless you ask him, or talk to him about the situation. At least he acknowledges it.. Because trust me, not acknowledging it is sometimes just as bad if not worse than telling someone to stop.
Tell him you just need someone to talk to without harsh judgement, and that person should be him.


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
The magic word... expelliarmus
I've been here a while
********
 
Riddikulus's Avatar
 
Name: Ask me :)
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere!

Posts: 1,094
Blog Entries: 183
Join Date: January 4th 2011

Re: Unsupportive partner ): - September 2nd 2012, 08:19 PM

Hey there,

I'm really sorry that you're going through this at the moment, it must be hard. When people find out that people close to them are self harming, they're going to understandably be upset, confused and maybe angry. Usually they won't really understand it and why people would want to do it. In your case it sounds like your patner is angry and upset about the whole situation and rather than confronting it, he just wants it to go away.
I would suggest sitting down and talking to him, perhaps explain why you orginally started to SH. Explain how you feel and make it clear to him how you want him to help and support you. It might take him some time but hopefully he will understand and start to help you more. As for his "it's not that bad" comment, it just shows his lack of understanding, perhaps explain how much that hurt you and why you need the support.
As for the SH I would suggest talking a look at the alternatives thread, they will help to distract you if you ever get the urge to SH. Remember it is trial and error and therefore not all of them may work for you, but hang in there and you will find one that does.
If you ever want/need to talk, feel free to PM me,

Take care and best of luck,
Charli


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



Helplink mentor 19/03/11
LiveHelp operator 25/04/11
Self Harm Mod 30/07/11
Chat Mod 16/01/12
Chit-Chat mod 7/05/12
General Health mod 13/10/12
Buddy 4/06/12


RIP Peter <3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Batman. Offline
Protector of Gotham
I can't get enough
*********
 
Batman.'s Avatar
 
Name: Julz
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario, Canada

Posts: 2,724
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: December 14th 2009

Re: Unsupportive partner ): - September 2nd 2012, 11:05 PM

Honestly, I had an ex who was not supportive (he was my biggest trigger, most of the time), and I know how much it sucks.

That being said, I have been with the same guy I'm with now for almost 2 years. He's not really supportive or unsupportive. It's hard to explain, but I guess the best way to say it is this. He doesn't like me self-harming, but he doesn't get mad/upset if I do it (though, he used to, until we established that upset made it worse). If I do slip up and self-harm (which these days, is seldom), he asks me why I did it, what was/is wrong, etc.

I'd say the best advice I can give you is, find a website/book/etc. meant for helping family and friends who live with a self-harmer (I've found them online, but I don't remember the URLs). If you find a guide that you think would be beneficial, share it with your boyfriend. Maybe if he understands that his reactions are making the situation worse, maybe he'll pick up better strategies to help you through this.


Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation



   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
partner, unsupportive

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.