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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BECCALICIOUS! Offline
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Is it worth fighting still? - October 6th 2012, 10:51 PM

I've been struggling so badly lately and I want to get better and recover SO SO SO SO SO BADLY. I want it.

And I feel lazy or weak saying this but it's just SO FUCKING DIFFICULT right now. I slipped up really badly two days ago and just mauled my right hip. I'm really confused with a lot right now, I've been drinking a lot and sleeping around a lot and I feel so incredibly lonely. I want to keep cutting, but I don't because I want more than that from life, but every time I try to pursue that, it never works out.

And I have the whole list of alternatives and whatnot, it's not that. THAT isn't the issue. I know every "distraction/prevention" trick in the book.

I just really, really, really, PLEASE need someone to tell me that it's worth fighting because I have no idea what the fuck lays on the other side anymore and I'm terrified. Help.


when you love and laugh abundantly you live a beautiful life.

Last edited by Palmolive; October 6th 2012 at 11:28 PM. Reason: Removing prefix
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
JustACityBoy Offline
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Re: Is it worth fighting still? - October 7th 2012, 07:11 AM

Let me tell you of a legend. A legend written on a scroll found in my great grandfather's attic, with the author being his great grand father. The name of the legend was called Li Chien Lao.

There was a man, one whom age is with such burden. He was the protector of his city, the man whom reinforced the walls of his city. Day by day, the walls were built, only to be demolished. Li Chien Lao seemed hopeless. His allies had fallen and there were by no means to diminish the attacks. Years later, an allied commander he had thought dead arrives. A day of peace was found. The men must separate in interest of their nation, however, they have an equal goal. Years of distress seemed hopelessly pitiful. Li Chien Lao however, remembered the day of peace brought upon by his fellow commander. This was a collection to his resolve. He later consulted with his people. He has great sympathy for these people, a interest in their future. He knows that the walls must be secure so long as they live. After a decade, Li Chien Lao's resolve weakens. However, his scouts find a traveling woman, and offer her hospitality. The two talk, though impersonal at first, he later learns that she alongside himself were the few talented in sculpting. These two heroes fortified the city walls after a decade, Li Chien Lao's city held strong. Li Chien Lao has asked her where she will travel next with such unique abilities, and was surprised (or in modern translation) blessed that she intends to fortify the walls. Li Chien Lao has fell in love, and his city has grown to be a castle. Eventually, the castle has expanded to his acquainted commander, and many other allies. Li Chien Lao has ruled the lands, and his impressive military daunted the invaders. The castle today stands mighty, its king's legacy remembered.
Perhaps stupid stories like these, the ones that make you chuckle are to be read and thus a goal in life. However, my great-grandfather has told me that this legendary hero is to be remembered, for he has endured the scorn of loneliness and seemingly found hope from his little but unrelenting resolves.


What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.

Last edited by JustACityBoy; October 7th 2012 at 07:28 AM.
   
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Re: Is it worth fighting still? - October 7th 2012, 03:08 PM

It is ALWAYS worth fighting. Recovery should always come after hard times. I know it may seem like none of it matters, but it does. Think of recovery as a road, when you relapse it's just a little bump in the road, then you keep going. The road doesn't stop after it has a little bump, right? It keeps going. Thats how recovery goes too. There may be a little bump and you slip up, but then you get back up and fight those bad habits. Life and recovery are always worth fighting for. I hope this helped. Stay strong.
I'm always here if you need to talk. <3

Dionna





From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said, "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
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Re: Is it worth fighting still? - October 7th 2012, 07:30 PM

You just have to remember you are worth it, you are loved and you are important. Keep around the people in your life that matter. Its tough now, but it will get better as long as you keep going. something will come along.
Stay Strong
   
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Heathen Offline
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Re: Is it worth fighting still? - October 8th 2012, 07:27 PM

It is always worth fighting, always, and you are worth fighting for. However, you have to make the decision that you are worth fighting for recovery. It's not enough to want it. Fighting for it and striving for a SH-free, a drug-free, and and sexual impulsivity-free life requires finding what motivates you. That's something only you can discover for yourself. It's up to you to fight for yourself, because if you can't fight for yourself then no one else is going to.

It's a slow process. Sometimes there setbacks. But you can do it if you keep moving forward.

If you can, try eliminating or reducing the drinking and sexual impulsivity in your life. Those things only cloud your mind and spirit even more. To get through this, you need to be clear on what it is you want and stay focused on fighting, not finding other harmful alternatives to take the place of self-harm. That would be like giving up smoking two packs of cigarettes a day only to start going through a six pack of beer every day instead; one problem just replaces the other. It's hard to do, but it's the only way out; otherwise you'll keep yourself trapped with alternative negative coping skills.



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Re: Is it worth fighting still? - October 8th 2012, 09:22 PM

It's always worth it babe.
I know it don't seem like it at times, and I know that other times you just want to give in..
But it's worth it. I can say this because i know what it's like to be like that, and I can honestly tell you it gets better. So please keep fighting, you ARE worth it.



A beautiful thing is never perfect.

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