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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
bellatink Offline
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Pretty low few days - October 12th 2012, 09:38 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey all,

So, I've had a pretty hard few weeks - my girlfriend cheats and then dumps me, my mum tells me that she doesn't like my therapist and wants me to stop seeing her although i trust her and she's saved my life countless times. I've been transferred from Child and Adolescent mental health to adult recently, losing the people I trusted, and I've had flu and been left with laryngitis and some other stuff...

about while back, I decided I was going to stop cutting myself. It was hard, but i've been 'clean' for almost 8 months now... But with the stuff that's going on at the moment, the suicide attempts i've made recently, and some family related stuff... I'm finding it so hard not to start again. I even went out and bought blades the other day. I've not used them, but the temptation is there. Usually, I feel safer knowing I have the option, but choose not to use it, but now... It's just hard.

It doesn't help that my girl guide unit started talking make up and body image and stuff today, and i was watching them laughing and remembering how, when I was 10, I was developing depression and an eating disorder. It was hard to see them having so much fun when I didn't experience that.

I'm also scared that when I start my new job on monday, that I'm not going to cope... last time I worked somewhere new, I ended up self harming, and I'm so scared of becoming reliant on that again. I'm not seeing my therapist for a week, although she's said she doesn't mind seeing me before then... but after having had extra sessions in the last 2 weeks, I'm scared she'll get tired of me.

A long winded way of saying I don't want to go back to this, but I'm not sure that i'm strong enough to avoid it. Some positive words or tips on avoiding it further would be much appreciated
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Riddikulus Offline
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Re: Pretty low few days - October 13th 2012, 12:45 PM

Hey there,

It's sounds like you've been having a pretty hard time at the moment. First of all though, eight months without Self Harm is brilliant, well done! You should proud of yourself for that, especially considering you have hard hard times but still stayed strong and resisted the urges.
I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend, it's always hard when relationships don't work out. To be honest though if they are going to cheat on you then they aren't worth it anyway. I know you've probably heard it all before but you'll find the right person that you want to be with, it's just not meant to be with this girl at the moment. Don't be too hard on yourself about it.
It sounds like you really trust this therapist and like her, perhaps you could try explaining that you your mom? At the end of the day it's you thats seeing her and is benifiting from her services. Maybe talk to your mom and see why she doesn't like your therapist and maybe you can work it out. try not to get angry with each otherand shout as it will just make things worse.
It's horrible when you get ill and I hope you are feeling a lot better now!

Killing yourself should never be an option, life is beautiful and while it may seem like it's going no where at ht emoment, it will get better. You have so much more to do and experience, theres always hope. You need to find that thing that gives you hope, no matter how small and hold onto it. As for the Self Harm I would suggest taking a look at the alternatives thread. They will help to distract from the urges until they fade, remember it is trial and error and therefore not all of them may work for you, but hang in there and you will find one that does.
You're beautiful, everyone is beautiful. You don't need to change for anyone and you're amazing just the way you are, remember that.
Starting a new job is always hard, but go in there with a positive attitude and an open mind and i'm sure you'll be fine. Just remember your alternatives and stay strong and i'm sure you'll find the job okay.

I really hope this helps,
If you ever want/need to talk, feel free to PM me.
Take care and good luck,

'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Skatergirl Offline
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Re: Pretty low few days - October 13th 2012, 04:00 PM

That is so great you have been SH free for 8 months!! Keep it up. You can stay free for ever.
First of all. Throw those blades out. Throw them in the kitchen garbage, empty the garbage, and get rid of it. Do not keep anything sharp in your room. Don't leave any temptations lying around. I am serious. Throw the blades out. You WON'T need them.

Like Discombobulated said. Your girlfriend cheated on you. You do not want to be with someone like that, that you can't trust. Right?

You are beautiful! Don't pay any attention to people who say you aren't.

You can get through this hard time. It is only temporary.
Smile in a mirror and say, "You are beautiful" out loud.

PM me any time if you want to talk.

I try my best to help, but that doesn't always mean I will be helpful.

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
bellatink Offline
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Re: Pretty low few days - October 13th 2012, 04:49 PM

Thank you both, I think I feel a little more... together? today... lower for sure, but definitely less like hurting myself.
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