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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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desolated Offline
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Name: Josh Harris-Hancock
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: Brisbane, Australia

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Join Date: October 14th 2012

I started, and it's getting worse - October 14th 2012, 03:15 PM

hi, i'm new to teenhelp, well really just new to talking about this at all, but i don't know what else to do now.
i'll skip my misguided story of woe and misery for you, because i just tried writing one that was about two thousand words. In all simplicity, I'm fifteen, living in a busy town called Brisbane, Australia, attending a catholic school and reaching A grades each and every time. But i can't stop cutting. i started three months ago, and its getting worse, fast. To begin it was a release, something i can manage, I ruled it. but now the tables have turned. It's all on my mind, do a physics equation,think of cutting, answer teaching, my arms itching, do work, its itching more, raise hand to ask to leave class and realize my arm is bleeding from the scratches, and its still not enough. I try not too, promise people i won't, but it keeps getting more regular, and deeper too, I need to go deeper or its not the same, and it scares me.

I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore, it's eating away inside me llike a festering wound i have to open, a demon that needs to come out.
please, how does this stop?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Reign. Offline
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Re: I started, and it's getting worse - October 14th 2012, 08:59 PM

Hi Honey, I'm Kayla.

I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now. May I ask why you cut?

I know the control thing, but what is it that's out of control in your life that makes you cut?

And honey please know that hurting yourself is not the answer. Loving yourself and your body is. Letting your body be what it is naturally meant to be is the answer. And I know it's hard, I've been cutting for over 5 years. So don't make my mistakes honey, and please find way to stop. Now I know no one can stop cold turkey. It took me 2 1/2 years to stop completely, and it was beyond worth it. I am the happiest and healthiest I've ever been.

And I want that for you too sweetheart. Even though it's hard, I know you have pain. I know you're probably miserable. But it doesn't have to be like that! Believe me, it really doesn't.

But if you'd like, I'm here and you can PM me anytime and I'll be there and listen. No if's, and's, or but's. And don't be hesitant. I am not here to judge you, I'm here to help.

~Xoxox, Kayla.

So dance if it moves you,
and jump in the fire, if it burns you.
I'll throw my arms around you darlin',
and we'll turn to ashes.

Kinda like the way you tell me,
"Baby, please come home. I need you here right now.
I'm crying underwater so you don't hear the sound."

What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat.
I'll be the fire that'll catch you.
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
desolated Offline
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Name: Josh Harris-Hancock
Age: 22
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Location: Brisbane, Australia

Posts: 3
Join Date: October 14th 2012

Re: I started, and it's getting worse - October 15th 2012, 12:26 AM

I wish I had some big reason that explained it all to people, but it's a lot of the little things building up, my friend died about four months ago and that sent me spiraling down into depression, my mother is in a rapidly decreasing state because of cancer, and most of my friends left after my friend died, so i'm pretty alone now. It's hard to explain, like for that moment, those few seconds, in that brilliance of pain everything else is washed away, and it doesn't matter anymore.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Age: 22
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Location: In the deep, dark, treacherous place called my mind. Oh and Australia!

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Re: I started, and it's getting worse - October 15th 2012, 12:37 AM

Hey, welcome to Teenhelp. I'm sorry to see you struggling. I'm the same and live 99ks away from you, recently leaving the gold coast :P
Anyway, I know how it feels and all you can try to do is set goals for yourself and try and acheive them. I know, it's hard, right now I want to cut and I have scissors in my bag, it'd be so easy but you have to fight the urges. I know, promising people you won't and then doing it feels like you're breaking that promise, I've done it for a while now and it doesn't get easier after time. But, I think you'd be strong enough to fight it and you can do it.

Keep strong, mate,


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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Tigereyes Offline
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Re: I started, and it's getting worse - October 15th 2012, 02:10 AM

Well first, welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much with this. Self harm can definitely become a very difficult habit to break, especially since you're tricked into thinking it helps. I'm glad you've realized you need to do something about it; it's okay to ask for help. Is there anyone you know in person that you could also talk to about this? I've opened up to a few of my closest friends, and they've helped me so much just by being there to support me.

Whether or not you choose to tell someone, I suggest you take a look at this list of alternatives to self harm http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/. Not everything will work for everyone, so you might have to try some different things. I hope this helps, and feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to.

"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
desolated Offline
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Name: Josh Harris-Hancock
Age: 22
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Location: Brisbane, Australia

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Re: I started, and it's getting worse - October 16th 2012, 02:31 PM

Hi again, and can i say thank you all so very much for the amazing support i received from everyone, it's really great.
I've tried a few of the alternatives, but none of it seems to work, and A lot of things have started getting to me now. I avoided school for the last two days because someone saw the cuts on Friday and started picking on me, and i don't know how to see them again without it ending very badly. Me and my girlfriend aren't in the best spot in our relationship at the moment and my thoughts are turning ever inward to the blade again. I cut tonight, and everytime i do it gets worse again, I need more to get my release, and they need to run deeper too. I'm scared of talking to my councilor about it because i don't want to be put on anything for this lest It changes me like when i was on medication a while back, I want to be me, just without this.
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