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Unhappy Feeling like a Betrayer - July 30th 2013, 02:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i tell my gf not cut, and when she does i cry because i dont want her in pain, and i want her to be ok and happy and carefree, then i turn around and i find myself sitting with watever in my hand staring at it wanting to so badly, knowing itll make the pain stop, knowing itll drive out the voices in my head that i hear throughout the day from my mom and others, telling me to shut up, to change, to do this and not do that......do i have any right to try and be strong and support her when im so weak and useless and helpless inside?
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Re: Feeling like a Betrayer - July 30th 2013, 04:28 AM

Hey there,

You struggle with self harm yourself so there are going to be times when you have difficulty with the urges yourself but just because you struggle with the urges doesn't mean you cannot be there to support your girlfriend. I know sometimes your struggles might make you feel weak but that isn't true they just make you human. We all have our struggles and we all deal with them in our own ways. I think it is amazing that you are there to support your girlfriend and I am sure she is grateful to have you in her life.

You listed some of the things that trigger your urges so now you can work on trying to figure out some healthy alternatives. I know that self harm seems so much better than any of the alternatives but in the end it will not solve anything. Have you tried any of the Alternatives in the past? If so have they worked? I know the alternatives can be hard to turn to but if you use them enough your body can adjust to them.

Would counseling be an option? I think counseling is a really great tool and I hope it would be something you would consider. I know that some people struggle with the idea of counseling but it is a safe place to go and talk about everything that is going on in your life. I've found counseling to be one of the greatest tools in helping me overcome many of the obstacles in my life one of them being self harm.

Do you ever try reaching out to your girlfriend about what you are feeling? You are there for her and that is great but you should let her be there to support you as well. I know that might be hard for you to do because you see her struggling but I think she would want to be there to support you, you know?

I hope that this helped and if you ever want to talk please feel free to message me.

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Re: Feeling like a Betrayer - July 30th 2013, 04:41 PM

Well I think this is one of those hard situations where you're trying to support somebody else when you can't support yourself. I do the same thing that you do and i know it is hard. I think you should keep supporting your gf even though you do cut still. Also you could ask her to encourage you to not cut as well so that way you won't feel so worthless.

Life goes on. People move on. It'll be okay.
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Re: Feeling like a Betrayer - July 30th 2013, 05:31 PM

It's not betrayal to do as your girlfriend does. You want to support her but as it's already been said, let her be there to support you too. Draw strength from each other. While you're supporting her, let her support you, talk to her when you feel you have a problem or just need someone to listen. If you think about it, you're both going through the same thing, this means you're both able to help each other easier than you may think.

You have every right to be strong and support her. Remember that you are not weak or useless. You might not realise it but you're supporting someone who is going through similar to you and dealing with your own thing at the exact same time, if anything that's an extremely huge thing to do and that is very commendable. This is feel is exactly one of the reasons your girlfriend loves you, because you be there to support her regardless of your own thing. That is such a selfless and strong thing to do! I hope you'll realise that you aren't useless, your girlfriend will tell you that you're not and she's right! You're also not weak! You've been dealing with so many things so it's natural to want to find a way of escape. It's not being weak, it's about being strong for so long.

I agree with the suggestion of counselling. If you haven't already, try it. I did a few years ago and it helped me so much. It's so nice to be able to talk to a stranger and talk about anything we feel we need to. It helps us deal with our burden and allows us to offload. I hope you'll consider it.

Use the link provided as an alternative to self harm. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you could try taking up a new one or explore and see what may interest you. This way it'll help keep your mind focussed on something. Stay positive and know within your own hear that you will get through this! You are very strong, you will get through this! No matter how much it takes, fight those thoughts in your head, ignore what negativity your mum throws at you and bounce right back, you can do it! It does sound hard and it is hard but you have more strength inside you than you realise.

Life is for living, not for losing.
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