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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Temperance Offline
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Starting to think I'm a lost cause... - August 16th 2013, 06:06 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm back posting in forums for help for the first time in quite a while, I'm having a lot of problems right now.

I thought I was doing well until a couple weeks ago. I'd gone almost 4 months SH free, but things started getting really stressful at work, home, and in my relationship all at once. Needless to say, I started drinking to try to drown out the stress and to feel numb, but the emotional stress was still weighing on me so I started cutting again to feel SOMETHING, anything other than the empty feeling I had. My only problem is now I'm finding myself in a cycle of self destruction, suicidal thoughts, fake smiles for the rest of the world to see, and lies, lots of them.
I'm too afraid to come clean about self-injuring again, and I've been doing my best to hide my wounds (Luckily for me it has been moderately cool for the past couple weeks and long sleeves haven't seemed all that out of the normal since a lot of people are wearing them). I will admit that as soon as I've added a fresh wound to myself, I feel guilty for doing it, but the feeling of guilt triggers me to hurt myself more, and not only am I giving myself fresh wounds, I've found myself also picking the existing ones. I'm actually starting to scare myself, but I don't want family or friends to think I'm nuts so I keep hiding from everyone and everything. I know I need help, but I honestly don't know who to trust that won't think I'm going crazy. any advice?


~We're all misfits living in a world on fire~


Butterfly, don't fly away on me yet



   
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Re: Starting to think I'm a lost cause... - August 16th 2013, 06:16 AM

Are you still seeing anybody professional? I think last time I talked to you - quite a while ago - you were, and if you are, it's worth being honest at least with them. If you're not, get to your GP and get referred, because if you feel the need to hide it from family and close friends then they're probably not going to be much help, so more support - more constructive support from someone professional could be really beneficial.

Honestly, there's no such thing as a lost cause. I've relapsed countless times, and I still have a team standing beside me, helping me set goals, helping me with everything really. I'm 25 and I struggle with self-harm so badly - I don't even have the stress of work or a relationship! It's not an easy thing to recover from, and it's one of the most addictive things there are. I was talking to my psychologist today and she said that in her experience, it's quite possible that self-harm is as addictive, or more addictive, than cocaine - and if you don't have any other ways of coping to fall back on, then self-harm will be what you do.

Obviously the guilt is trying to tell you something. All emotions have a purpose, so if you're feeling guilty, and it's reasonable TO feel guilty, then try and figure out why. Is it the ACT of self-harm? Do you feel like your actions are affecting somebody else? How is it impacting you? Because getting stuck in the guilt cycle, as you know, will just exacerbate the issue.

I think it's absolute vital that you're honest with someone about this behaviour. If nobody knows what's happening for you, then nobody's going to be able to help. And even though you've posted suggesting you're a lost cause, the fact that you posted indicates you DO want help. Which is great! So be honest with somebody. It's hard. It's scary. But honesty is progress in and of itself.

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Re: Starting to think I'm a lost cause... - August 16th 2013, 06:31 AM

When I turned 23 my parents' insurance stopped paying for any health care so im no longer seeing anyone :/


~We're all misfits living in a world on fire~


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Re: Starting to think I'm a lost cause... - August 16th 2013, 12:53 PM

Jess.

You are not a lost cause, as the other Jess said. You need to talk to someone about this, someone who you know won't judge or criticize. Talking about it will help, about your SH, about the drinking, and about everything else you've been going through lately. There are people out there who will be willing to help you, trust me. And all this does not make you crazy, whoever says it aren't deserving of your trust or friendship.

I'm here if you ever want to talk. <3
   
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Re: Starting to think I'm a lost cause... - August 16th 2013, 06:01 PM

I honestly think that 60% of my stress is coming from work, I work between 5 and 7 days a week, including pulling a lot of double or split shifts because of how tight money is


~We're all misfits living in a world on fire~


Butterfly, don't fly away on me yet



   
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Re: Starting to think I'm a lost cause... - August 17th 2013, 05:04 PM

Hey Jess,

Is there anyone you could talk to about this? I know it might be hard to reach out to people but I think it would do you a world of good if you could open up to your friends or family about the stress you are under. You shouldn't have to deal with all of this on your own and I am sure that your friends and family would want to help support you through this in any way that they could. I know you are worried that people are going to think that you are crazy but I don't think that will be the case I am sure they are just going to think that you are stressed out. Do you think you can make a list of people you would feel comfortable in confiding about the stress you are dealing with and also about the self harm? And, maybe once you have that list you could work on writing out some of the things you would like to talk to them about? If you have a list of things you would like to discuss with that group of people it might make talking to them a little less hard.

Have you tried the Alternatives to Self Harm if not I think you should take a look at the list and try some of the things suggested. It can be really helpful to have the list of alternatives because when you have an urge to harm yourself you can go down that list and use those things instead of succumbing to an urge.

You said that you think that work is one of your biggest triggers and while you can't do anything to resolve that issue (you still have to work) you could try to do things to de-stress before and after work. De-stressing might help make you feel better while you are dealing with all the stress that comes from work. What are some things you like to do? If you can try to set aside some time to partake in activities you like to do it could help you to de-stress. Try making a list of activities you like doing and try giving yourself permission to do them more often.

Lastly, if you do harm yourself again don't let the guilt get to you the best thing you can do is pick yourself up and try again. If you let the guilt get to you all you are going to do is beat yourself up and repeat the cycle however if you can say "relapses happen but I am going to pick myself up" you will be fighting to end the cycle.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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