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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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just a rant again - September 2nd 2013, 05:37 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

this is just another rant again.... haha..
ahhhhhh i'm just sooooo annoyed that i still have the urge to cut..
i really really really really want to cut or i just want to hit myself with a rubber band till it bleeds or something.. i want to hurt myself. i want to feel the pain. i want to see the blood flow. i want to stop fighting the urge. i want to give in...
been not cutting for like what.. 4 years? so why am i still fighting it? why isn't the urge going away? what is wrong with me? URGH!!!!
i want to die too.. i know i can't, but i just am looking forward to the day that my life finally ends, and i breathe my last. i can't stand life. okay i guess i can still stand it since i am still here today. but i just don't want to stand it any longer. but i'm not going to kill myself because i don't want to hurt anyone. i just want to not want to die so much you know?
just living one day at a time i guess..



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Re: just a rant again - September 2nd 2013, 05:53 PM

Yeah I hear you life just sucks IV been wanting to hurt my self for ages to I just don't like when people see my marks because all the do is ask "Ohh what happened. Why is your arms cut. Wtf is wrong with you" and I just get the urge to do it again I feel like I deserve to hurt or even just drop dead I feel like in a burden to everyones life but you can't give in to the urges you are very strong I can tell to make you stop actually harming your self why not exercise that's what stops me from harming your not alone on this pm me if you are down I'll try and help please don't hurt your self please
   
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Re: just a rant again - September 2nd 2013, 06:44 PM

Living one day at a time is a good motto. Just take it a little bit at a time. You haven't been cutting for four years? That's great! That's something to be really proud of That, right there, is a huge achievement. While you're working on not cutting, I think you could work on giving yourself awards. For example, every week that I didn't cut, I bought two songs off of iTunes. Find something that will make you want to hold off on cutting for a while longer. You could also check out the Alternative Thread Sticky on the top of the Self-harm page. Why are you still fighting? You're fighting because you're worth it. You're stronger than you realize. You have gone so long without it. You're fighting because there's a sliver of hope; there's a little part in you that wants to get better.


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Re: just a rant again - September 5th 2013, 05:55 PM

Yea it's so hard... I feel like just giving in so much tho I know I shouldn't. Sigh... I feel so weird no one else I know around me cuts and it's like.. I've no one to talk to and the urges just are soooo tempting



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Re: just a rant again - September 6th 2013, 06:58 PM

Anything great, like recovery, is definitely worth fighting for. The battle is hard, but it'll be worth it in the end! When you get to the point where you beat your record SH free or you forget how long it's been since you've cut, that's a great feeling. Also, self-injury is usually pretty well hidden; so there may be people around you who engage in sell-injury without your knowledge. Remember, you aren't alone. A lot of people are battling for recovery. You have us to talk to


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Re: just a rant again - September 7th 2013, 05:30 PM

Thanks for all the replies guys
Ah I just am not fully convinced that not cutting will be worth it in be end like the more I struggle the more I feel that it's just not worth it :/



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: just a rant again - September 7th 2013, 06:35 PM

Hey there,

Recovery is a really hard thing but it is worth it. Your life is worth it. I think that you are likely to have good days and bad days when it comes to recovery. One thing I have found is that when I am struggling it helps to think about the good days I have had; the good days help make the bad days not so hard. Maybe you can work on reminding yourself that you will have good days again. Make a list of some of the good things that you have experienced. I have done this numerous times and it has been helpful so maybe it will help you as well. Something else that might help you is making a reasons to live list, here is teenhelps reasons to live list: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/ Try looking through that list and then make your own reasons to live list; remember that no reason is too small.

Do you know what is triggering these urges? Try working on figuring out your triggers are so that you can work on identifying some healthy coping skills to deal with the triggers? Something that can help you identify your triggers is writing and whenever you are feeling urges you can write in the journal. The more you do this the more likely you might be at identifying your triggers.

Do you have a counselor that you can talk to? I think that you should consider reaching out to someone. I know this might be hard to do but in the end it could be really beneficial. A counselor will give you a safe place to go and talk and will give you a safe person to talk to about everything that is going on. Also, would you consider confiding in someone such as a family member or friend about some of the things that you are dealing with? I know that can be difficult but I am sure your friends and family would be willing to support you through all of this. And, it would probably be helpful to have their support.

Something that might help you while you are dealing with all of this would be getting out and getting some exercise. I have been told by numerous people that getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day can be really helpful when it comes to dealing with things like sadness and I have found that exercise helps me deal with my urges so maybe it will help you as well.

I really hope that this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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Re: just a rant again - September 8th 2013, 02:51 AM

Thanks for the suggestions i think i could use some exercise haha!
After all these years of trying to stop, I still don't really know my triggers .. It could be as simple as seeing the scars I still have, the sight of anything sharp, etc...
And ah I don't trust counselors ... But I do have friends who say I can talk to them when I get the urges.. However they're always so busy that I don't wanna bother them :/
I feel like I simply have no control over the urges, but only over my responding actions :/ so far I can control myself to not cut but my urges just keep prodding me like some parasite...



and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: just a rant again - September 8th 2013, 05:06 AM

Identifying triggers can be challenging. It's useful to write down your feelings when you're triggered; to really stop and think about why it is you're upset. But I understand, I don't always know mine, either. You know what I've found really helpful? Nighttime runs or walks. I just kind of run as fast as I can. You can't really think about anything while you're running, so it clears your head. Remember, you always have us on TH to turn to when you have an urge! We're here for you.


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
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They whispered to her
you cannot withstand the storm
she whispered back
i am the storm.
   
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