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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Stronger000 Offline
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Friend threatening to tell mom - September 27th 2013, 11:20 PM

So I recently told my friend that I self harm, which was a huge step, because I have a hard talking about my feelings face to face with people. It went fairly well, she didn't freak out or get mad or anything like that. She offered to help me and support, and made me feel good about myself. But she wants me to tell my mom. She said if I don't, then she will have to because she doesn't want me to seriously injure myself that it's dangerous. I can't tell my mom, because she would flip out. She is also one of the reasons I self harm, because she puts way to much pressure on me to be perfect and flips out if I am not. My friend knows that, but still says I have to tell her. I really don't want to, and I'm terrified my friend will. What should I do?


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Re: Friend threatening to tell mom - September 27th 2013, 11:32 PM

Maybe your mom might surprise you.
Moms aren't the devil all the time lol.
Have you explained to your friend why you don't want to tell your mom?



~If you can't change it; change the way you think about it.
   
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Red face Re: Friend threatening to tell mom - September 27th 2013, 11:35 PM

Your friend only wants to help you, and if your mom is the reason, maybe it is a good idea to talk. Parents put pressure on us because they want us to succeed in life. it would be a problem if they didn't. I don't know your mother, but i'm sure she only wants the best and your friend too. Maybe you should sit down and talk. I know it's hard, i self harmed as well and it was the same situation. My friend and sister threatened to tell my mom, and when she found out she was mad. But we worked threw. I'm sure things will work through as well.
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Re: Friend threatening to tell mom - September 27th 2013, 11:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xXSweet_LoveXx View Post
Your friend only wants to help you, and if your mom is the reason, maybe it is a good idea to talk. Parents put pressure on us because they want us to succeed in life. it would be a problem if they didn't. I don't know your mother, but i'm sure she only wants the best and your friend too. Maybe you should sit down and talk. I know it's hard, i self harmed as well and it was the same situation. My friend and sister threatened to tell my mom, and when she found out she was mad. But we worked threw. I'm sure things will work through as well.
-Nina
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Re: Friend threatening to tell mom - September 27th 2013, 11:40 PM

Remember that your friend only wants to help you as best as she can. I am so proud of your bravery in telling your friend in the first place. I know that's not easy, especially with all the stereotypes that go along with cutting. Your mother loves you. She may feel shock or fear for you and that may make her act differently than if she were in a calmer mindset. But ultimately she's going to want the best for you. My suggestion would be for you to give her an address to a website about cutting. That way she can learn about it. Here's a great article you can show her. I wish you the best of luck!


♥ PM me anytime, I'm here for you ♥

Out of the ashes I'm burning like a fire. You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar. I've got shame, I've got scars that I will never show. I'm a survivor in more ways than you know. 'Cause all the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound. So ashamed, so confused, I was broken and bruised. Now I'm a warrior.
   
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Re: Friend threatening to tell mom - September 28th 2013, 01:51 PM

Hi there, that sounds really hard for you. Have you explained to your friend the reasons for not wanting to tell your mom? If you do decide to tell your mom, then it might be useful to show her this article. If you felt you couldn't tell her, then maybe you could write a letter and leave it somewhere she'll find it, or hand it to her and sit there whilst she reads it, or you could ask for a written response.

You could always sit down with your friend and discuss the pro's and con's of telling your mom, this way it also involves your friend so they don't feel like your refusing to tell her with reasons. Hope this helps, feel free to VM or PM me if you need to talk.






I'm here if anyone wants to talk, I'm always here. Feel free to VM or PM me
   
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Re: Friend threatening to tell mom - September 29th 2013, 02:58 AM

Hi there,

I really agree with Jenny that maybe you can explain to your friend the reasons why you don't want to tell your mom. It may help her understand better. You can also print out pamphlets about self harm so she knows exactly what it is that you're going through. Maybe you can also consider making her some sort of promise that you'll go to your mom if your self harm ever reaches a point that is too dangerous?

But, if she is going to tell your mom no matter what, it probably would be better for you to do it than for her to. If you want, you can take your friend with her when you explain things, but it's better to hear it directly from you than from her.

Jenny gave you a great suggestion on writing your mom a letter. Another option would be through email, if you want to go that route. Or, you can sit down with her in person on a day when she is in a relatively good mood. It may help for you to plan out what you want to say first before you say it to make sure you get everything you want to out. Then, go in there and be honest. When I told my parents, I did it in the presence of a guidance counselor so the situation could be mediated, so maybe that's something you can consider as well.

But, try communicating with your friend about the reasons why you don't want to tell your mom. Maybe you can make some sort of compromise with her so you still get the support.

Best of luck!

-Dez


   
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