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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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cherrypie36 Offline
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Was i wrong to tell? - November 26th 2013, 01:10 AM

okay so like a month ago, i told a friend (Lauren) about my girlfriend's self harm and i told her yesterday that i told Lauren about and she was really mad. i told lauren because i was worried and i didn't know what to do. and so she said she
could never forgive me for what i did so i told her....until she forgives me, we should take a break. was i wrong for telling Lauren about her self harm?

its just....she would talk about wanting to die sometimes and i didn't trust her then that she
wouldn't do anything i didn't know what to. i thought, she might do something or cut a vein one day. i just told lauren because i was stressed out.....and worried..and plus, lauren has
self harmed before and so i thought, she could give me some insight on what to do

she is seeing a therapist now but she wasn't before and she has stopped self harming but she said she trusted me with that secret and she could never ever forgive me for doing that.

it was only until yesterday, i told her ...I told lauren....and i broke up with her because i need her to forgive me. i can't live with the guilty i feel already....and knowing she won't forgive just makes it worse.


so was i wrong to tell?
lauren hasn't told anyone about her self harm or brought it up to my girlfriend or i guess ex girlfriend so.
   
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Re: Was i wrong to tell? - November 26th 2013, 01:21 AM

Hey there,

I can kind of see both sides of this here.

I can totally understand why you told someone, and I think that it was good that you DID try and get help and support for this, because you're right that going through something like this can be stressful, buth for the person doing the self harming as well as the person who is trying to be a support system, and nobody deserves to go through this alone. It is also good that you were at least honest with your girlfriend about this.

I think if I were to tell anyone about someone's self harm, though, I'd rather tell an adult about it because they can still give tips, but at least I'd know that they're not going to spread it to anyone. I'm not saying Lauren is going to spread it, especially because she has self harmed in the past and would know how that would feel so I don't think she would, but I'd place more trust in someone like a guidance counselor.

As far as her being angry, it may take her a bit of time to cool down, but she may come around and realize that you were only doing it because you wanted to help her better and because you were worried. Maybe when things calm down you can talk to her about it again and let her know you weren't trying to hurt her, you genuinely wanted to help. It may take her time to calm down, but she may also end up realizing why you told. I can tell you truly had the best intentions.

So, I don't think you were wrong, necessarily, it can just be really hard for someone to know that a secret such as self harm is out, even if the intention was to help, not to hurt.

-Dez


   
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November 26th 2013, 01:26 AM

well just my luck. :/ great!

it doesn't matter though. she still would have been pissed.

i still would have told her secret. thats how she looks at this. telling her secret.

she said it wasn't my place to

she didn't want her parents to know. if i had told the guidance counslor, she would have to call her parents. its protocol

Last edited by Hypothesis.; November 26th 2013 at 01:40 AM. Reason: Merging two consecutive posts.
   
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Re: Was i wrong to tell? - November 26th 2013, 01:37 AM

You're very right that they'd have to call her parents about it, since they are mandatory reporters.

Remember that you ever fear her safety, though, it would be more important to tell than to keep it a secret.


   
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