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Beautiful Lie Offline
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Name: Nicole
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I want to do it!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!! - February 19th 2014, 07:34 PM

I have stayed away from self harm for the longest length of time ever I have stayed away for just over 8 months but I still feel like I need it just to feel alive make sure everything is real I really don't know what to do with myself anymore I have recently got engaged but I feel like I am just going to make his life hell I am scared that, my sister in law is going to take her own life for something that someone else has done to her. I am constantly worrying that my mother in law is going to have a mental break down from not being able to cope with that is going on, all I ever do is worry about everyone else and I dont know what but me worrying about everyone else and not about myself because I hate myself so much I just dont feel like I am worth anything anymore I just think that I deserve everything that has ever happened to me and have to just live with everything that has happened with the sexual assault and with the unanswered questions I just wish I could get the answers that I really need, just the ones that I need to move on I just can't cope anymore just pretending each and everyday that I am fine and that I am over it because I am not I still want to cut my body up I still want to see the blood running down my are I just miss it and keep telling myself that I don't and keep telling everyone else that I am fine and that I don't miss it I hate that each and everyday that I live I am lying and its too the ones that I love and to the ones that I care about most. I wish this dark thing that has consumed me would go away and leave me so that I can get on with my life my anxiety makes me want to cut because I have no control over that I have no control over anything in my life I just want to get better and I have been trying so hard but I am just starting to crumble into a mental mess and now it is starting to show on the outside and I dont want people to see that I want to do it but I want to stop it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH someone please help me I am just a mental mess please help I am scaring myself. thank you in advance

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hottie Offline
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Re: I want to do it!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!! - February 19th 2014, 07:56 PM

adversity is nessicary to the meaningful life. bear with it. without adversity you will not live a meaningful life.
and hun, hold in there. it WILL get better. you just have to weather the storm.
as for the moment, try snapping a rubber band on ur wrist. helps me.
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Awakening Offline
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Re: I want to do it!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!! - February 19th 2014, 08:47 PM

Hey Nicole,

I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. It sounds like there's a lot going on in your life and it's easy to understand why would feel depressed or overwhelmed. Self harm is something that you use to cope when you're struggling, so when you're having a lot of issues in life it's normal to get a lot of urges to hurt yourself when that is how you are used to coping.

I think you need to find some healthy alternatives to cutting that will get your mind off of all your worries and help you to cope with everything that's going on. There's a list of those kinds of alternatives here which might really help you. When you're feeling the need to hurt yourself try and find something else that will bring you relief from the pain you're feeling without hurting you even further. There's tons of things to choose from. It could be something from that list, or a hobby/interest that you enjoy. There are so many ways to cope with things that don't involve harming yourself. Obviously you have already found some healthy coping mechanisms if you have been able to go eight months without harming yourself (which is super great by the way). How did you cope with difficulties over those eight months? If you could go that long without cutting then I really believe you can get through all of this without hurting yourself too.

It's natural to worry about our loved ones, but you can't let that worry consume you. All you can do is be there to support them as best you can. I bet the fact that you care so much means an awful lot to them. But you also can't let caring for them get in the way of you caring for and taking care of yourself. I think you should take a break from worrying about everyone else and just do something nice for you. Take some relaxation time and do something fun. You need to have time to focus on just you without everybody else's problems getting in the way. Take a day, or even just a couple hours, to focus only on yourself. You deserve to be happy too.

I think it would also be helpful for you to find someone to talk to about how you're feeling. It could be a family member, a friend, or your boyfriend. Anyone you feel comfortable telling. Keeping your emotions all bottled up and to yourself can make things a lot harder on you. Having someone to talk to might make you feel less alone in this. Everything is easier to face when you have someone to help support you.

Have you ever thought about going to therapy? I know it's not something that sounds overly exciting, but it can honestly be extremely helpful. It could help you to make more sense of your emotions and to cope when you're going through hard times like the ones you're facing now. I think this is definitely something that you should consider.

It might not seem like it right now, but things are going to improve for you. You'll get through all of this; the urges to hurt yourself and the problems that you're facing. I promise you that you're not going to struggle like this forever. And I think one thing you'll end up learning is that struggling isn't always bad. A lot of good comes out of it. For instance, I think that in going through all of this you will end up finding a great way to cope with your problems that will continue to help you in the future. We are always going to have problems to face in life, and knowing how to deal with them in a healthy way is so important. And if this struggle can teach you that then in my mind it is totally worth it.

Things are going to get better, I promise you! If you ever need someone to talk to you're more than welcome to send me a message. Hang in there

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