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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Don't know what to do - March 16th 2015, 12:52 PM

I was really happy with the progress that I was making with not cutting. I'd made a couple of months scare free because I promised my girlfriend that I wouldnt do it any more and I would find a new way of calming myself down. But my grandma recently passed away from cancer and I really needed a way out of being so distracted and angry and frustrated all the time that I cut my wrist under where I wear my watch seven times. I feel terrible for cutting and I feel terrible for betraying my girlfriend. I just don't know how to handle it. I've been slipping behind on school work and everything. I just need something to get by. And I really don't know what to say to my girlfriend either. Any suggestions would be great...
   
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Re: Don't know what to do - March 16th 2015, 08:40 PM

Hi there,

I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must feel right now.

A few months cut free is wonderful! Every second that you go without self-harm is amazing, and I hope you're proud of yourself for staying free for so long. Please try to remember that your progress is still there. And, if anything, this relapse shows that you're capable of going a long time without cutting. Recovery is a long learning process and I know that you can do this!

What kind of alternatives have you been using? Here is a big list to take a look at. Try a little bit at a time until you find a handful that work for you as it's easier to have a lot of alternatives to help replace a negative behavior. You're going through a lot right now, so please talk to someone about how you're feeling or at least find a way to express your feelings whether that's through self-expression, journaling, or blogging.

Some people find that promises regarding self-harm don't work for them, and that's okay. Promising to not self-harm might be making you feel worse for giving in, which can in turn add to the cycle of self-harm because it could make you feel like doing it again. Instead of promising your girlfriend that you won't self-harm, perhaps you can promise that you'll go to her or use some alternatives first? That way you don't feel like you're betraying her, because you're not. Maybe you can talk to your girlfriend when she's in a good mood and let her know that you recently relapsed and explain why you felt like doing it. It might help to let her know that you don't want her to feel disappointed in you and she may be able to reassure you a little bit.

Feel free to let me know if you need anything!


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Re: Don't know what to do - March 16th 2015, 08:59 PM

Thanks for giving me a better way of going about this.
I didn't realise how making a promise about this could put more pressure on me :/. So far I've only been holding ice in my hand just as another alternative but I only just realised that I stopped that a while ago too.
Thanks again for the help.
   
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