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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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bleachedout Offline
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Unhappy sister self-harming - April 29th 2015, 01:09 AM

Hi.

I recently discovered that my sister is self harming, cutting with a razor on her lower leg. I think it's NSSI (nonsuicidal self injury) but I'm still very concerned for her. She's 14 and homeschooling. We have had a lot of trouble with our mother over the years and she's the one teaching my sister.

My mother is very religious and strict with things like TV and cell phone. I do my best to support my mother, but my sister doesn't get along with her at all. They fight every day about chores and schoolwork. My eldest brother is stoner in college who blames my mother for his mental impairment, and I believe he's taught my sister to hate our mother. She told me she cuts, after she fight with our mom or our mom "is mean" to her, because she is so angry.

My sister leans on me very much and we've already talked about how I want her to stop and how I love her and want her to get better. I have hidden all her razors and do my best to stay positive about our family life. My sister made me promise never to tell or mother.

I told anyway.

Our mother now knows and has seen the scars. She hasn't expressed much emotion to me about it, however. I believe that my dad, who's a very emotional and feeling person (and who had abusive parents when he was a child) needs to know as well. He will cry and be upset, but I think he can talk to us and our mother and help.

However, my sister is not especially close to my father and she told me not to tell him. She pays softball, he's an assistant coach, and she says if he knows it'll just be "awkward." I'm afraid of making her more upset and causing more chaos in the family. Besides this, my stoner brother has already gotten upset with me for telling my mother but I am afraid he will grow more upset if I tell our dad.

Should I tell my father?
   
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Re: sister self-harming - April 29th 2015, 01:22 AM

I think ultimately yes but I would wait a little and maybe try to talk to your sister about why she doesn't want him to know maybe there a reason more then it would make him more upset and be awkward. If there isn't maybe bring it up as a I have a friend who self harms and I want to know how you would handle it so I can help them better and see how he responds to this. Then you can make the choice whether or not to tell him especially if it gets to the point where she is going to far. I know self harm is a scary thing but I think maybe gathering more about it first would help both you and your sister out in the end.
   
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Re: sister self-harming - April 29th 2015, 01:29 AM

Hey,

First of all, it's great that you want to help your sister – she's lucky to have you to lean on. It's probably for the best that you told your mom, even though your sister asked you not to. Parents can be helpful with stuff like this. I think it could be really beneficial to your sister for your dad to know, too, especially since you think he could help. He might be upset at first, but once he moves past that, he could really help your sister. You could try talking to your sister about the pros of telling your dad. If you feel she's not in serious immediate danger, you could compromise with her and say you'll wait to tell him until softball season's over (I think that's pretty soon but I don't know a ton about softball so correct me if I'm wrong) or say you'll just tell him that you're a little worried about her and ask him to check in with her and make sure she's okay. You could also see about other adults in your life you could tell (uncles, aunts, doctors, grandparents, anyone you trust).

Do your best to just be there for her, and be understanding when she's upset or distant. I know you mean well by hiding her razors, but keep in mind it's not a permanent or even a good solution – stopping isn't as easy as being told to or having a harder time getting tools. She's probably going to find something else to use or buy a new razor, and hiding them won't make her get better emotionally/mentally at all.

For now, let her know that there are resources she can use. You can give her a list of alternatives to self harm (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/) and first aid information (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...d-information/). There's also a bunch of hotlines she could call in an emergency (http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/). With the alternatives list, let her know that she should try multiple and see what works and what doesn't work for her. You could also direct her to this site if you think she would use it or find it helpful.

Good luck to you and your sister. Message me if you need anything or want to talk
~Estelle



The opposite of war isn't peace - it's creation
~Jonathan Larson

   
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Re: sister self-harming - April 29th 2015, 01:40 AM

I asked her if hiding the razors would help and she said yes. She really does want to stop; she just gets very angry.

Softball season is not over until the middle of summer. Also, we don't live nearby any relatives or adults we know.

Thank you for your kind words everyone!
   
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Re: sister self-harming - April 29th 2015, 02:15 AM

It's good that that helps her, and great that you're checking in to see how you can help. I think you should mention to your dad that you think something's off with your sister and you think he should keep an eye on her. This way, she'll still have an adult looking out for her, but your dad won't know everything about her situation unless he confronts her and she decides to tell him for herself. You could run this idea by your sister and see what she thinks of it, but even if she doesn't like it very much, telling an adult something could be extremely helpful, especially if her situation gets worse. What's important is your sister's safety.

Hope that helped
~Estelle



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~Jonathan Larson

   
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Re: sister self-harming - April 29th 2015, 05:33 AM

Hey

It's really good you want to help your sister out! I think you should wait little bit and try to convince your sister to let you talk to your dad about it. Don't bug her about it though. Maybe you can point out the good things that'll come out of telling your dad? Try to get her to ser how they outweigh the negatives. Good luck, best wishes to you both


"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
   
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