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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Bluetears Offline
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Scared of myself - May 1st 2015, 04:29 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel horrible for posting in the same section so much. I really really do. Everything's just too much to handle though. I've been hurting myself practically daily now, most of the time on impulse. It takes so much not to do the things I wish to do. My mind is so twisted it's scary. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared one day I'll snap and do what I want. It's horrific what I see. It feels like I'm going insane.


"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
   
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Re: Scared of myself - May 1st 2015, 11:44 PM

You don't need to feel bad for posting, we're here to listen and support you through everything. I'm glad you posted this thread because that means you're trying to stay safe despite how you're feeling. Something that really helps me is blogging. If you haven't tried blogging on TeenHelp yet, I suggest giving it a try. It's comforting in that you're indirectly talking to people. You have the option to keep your blog public, or set it to private so that only your contacts and the blog moderators can view it.

This might sound a little odd, but it's good that you're still scared of what you're capable of. It's good that you still have that negative emotion attached to your dangerous thoughts because even though you may want to go through with these thoughts, there's a part of you that doesn't want to and that has to do with your feelings. The fear and other emotions that surround what you're thinking of can keep you from seriously harming yourself. I'm glad you're fighting the urges, that means you have a lot of self control and that is a positive thing. Since you're scared of yourself I think you need to talk to someone you trust about the things that are going through your head. If you decide not to talk to someone, try to find a way to express them.

Do you keep your tools in a certain place? I think you might benefit from moving them to a different room so you'll have to walk by a lot of distractions to get to them. You can also move them up high, or to a place that is difficult for you to get to so you'll have less motivation to get your tools.

You can also try things that are similar to self-harm. Maybe you can hold ice, or take a warm or cool shower. You can paint or draw with red ink too and see if that helps.

You can always send me a PM if you need to.


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Re: Scared of myself - May 2nd 2015, 04:53 AM

I've wanted to try blogging, though I never really know how to put everything into words. It's just really difficult to express, you basically have to experience it to understand. I've tried hiding the tools, though last time I did someone found them and got worried. I've tried quite a few alternatives for awhile (such as the ice thing) though none of them really worked.


"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
   
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Re: Scared of myself - May 2nd 2015, 06:13 PM

You should go ahead and try blogging doesn't mean you have to say everything right just write what your feeling and blog about it or try writing it down on paper first it might help if you do it this way since it would give you time to make any changes before posting it.
   
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Re: Scared of myself - May 2nd 2015, 06:14 PM

You can pm me. You know that
   
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Re: Scared of myself - May 3rd 2015, 12:36 AM

You don't have to feel bad for posting here. At the end of the day it's what the forum is here for. Clearly this is something you're struggling with at the moment and it' okay for you to be posting more than once or twice if thats the case. We're here to help you and support you as much as we can, so honestly, don't worry about it.

It must be hard, being scared of yourself. I'm note sure if I ever went there because maybe I went so low, I no longer cared. I'm not sure. But I know it sounds like a tough situation to be in. It's good that even if its 1% of you, that there's still part of you (which is making you post here and keep going) that doesn't want to self harm, because you're too scared of yourself. I know all of this is really hard but beating the urges to self harm is honestly possible and I know you can beat them so keep on fighting and don't give up. You're worth a lot more than the pain you'd be putting yourself through, you know? You can do anything if you set your mind to it so stay strong and don't give up.

Im here if you need anything,
Jessie


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Re: Scared of myself - May 4th 2015, 04:45 AM

Crystal,

I'm always here for you too if you need a shoulder to lean on or someone to rant to as well. I know how you feel and what you are going through. I struggle with it often myself. Never give in because the light will outshine the darkness. I hope you're doing alright.

PM/VM me anytime. I'm always here for you and others

Stay safe,

Amanda


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Re: Scared of myself - May 4th 2015, 06:16 AM

Thank you all so much I've been doing a bit better right now. I found a place to hide what I use to self-harm with. I had my brother keep it in a little locked box in his room cx


"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
   
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Re: Scared of myself - May 5th 2015, 06:57 AM

That's a great improvement. I'm proud of you for stepping out and doing what you think is better for yourself mentally and physically. Its really tough to get rid of your blades (I still have mine ) but I know that this is a good first step in taking better care of yourself and becoming stronger through this.

Keep it up!

A


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Re: Scared of myself - May 5th 2015, 06:57 PM

I'm glad things are a bit better for you. I hope the continue to get better and that you begin to feel better in yourself.


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Re: Scared of myself - May 7th 2015, 04:27 AM

I am glad you have been feeling a bit better. I know that struggling with self harm can be really hard. I think it's great that you hid the tools in a lock box. I know hiding tools helped me in the past and eventually I got to a point where I could throw my tools away.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this such as a counselor or a parent? I know it can be hard to open up but in the end it could help you work on getting to a better place.

If you need anything feel free to message me.


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