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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Not_here Offline
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not sure - May 2nd 2015, 08:03 PM

Been feeling pretty down lately, though it's not depression-I don't think. But I also have occasional suicidal and self harm "urges". I was looking up on youtube some of those, y'know like similar to videos we have here on TH but sorta like self help or information on a particular mental health topic but as a video. So after I saw one, I got bored, kept clicking the videos on the side. Then found one on skin picking. Turns out it was an extremely graphic film to "raise awareness" I'm so irritated right now, I thought it was actually going to be something I can learn from or relate to. And I could relate, I actually could a lot- but it left me triggered.

I guess the only thing good that came out of this is that before I was questioning if there's even anything wrong with SP as it isn't as dangerous as cutting and things like that but now I think skin picking is severe, I just don't have it as bad (anymore? Or I never did?) . Plus someone I thought I trusted and should know better, recently have told me that skin picking is "just a habit" as though it's nothing to try to stop. She compared me to people with trich or ED or cutting and said those are way worse (I revealed to her I used to cut even though I wasn't planning to tell her that, just to "prove" I've been through serious stuff too and to be taken seriously) She said all what I'm doing is just like fidgeting. She asked me what the negative consequences were, because she couldn't see any and I tried to explain myself but I was defeated and felt like I had to defend myself more than anything.

It FEELS like a problem deep down but I had doubts and I still do. My thoughts are rationalizing it as if it's not big enough to be a problem. And that person told me it wasn't, but now there's some video online raising awareness and making it super triggering for people who actually struggle with it. I don't get it The video showed it to be extremely severe...and there was a point I had it that bad but that's not how it is now.
and I mean I don't have spots everywhere like I used to. It was much worse when I was a kid...I looked like I was always having chicken pox that could never go away. Now there are scars and I only pick on acne because that's all I have left. It's like the problem is disappearing but I want to hold onto it. I miss it. I'm not ready to let go.
My face is like this one big ugly mosaic full of fading spots. I wish there were actual spots to pick at.
I don't know what to do

Last edited by Not_here; May 2nd 2015 at 09:24 PM.
   
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Re: not sure - May 2nd 2015, 11:26 PM

That is hard. The videos on YouTube can sometimes leave you triggered so I would advise you to not watch them if they trigger you which it seems they do. It can be hard when people seem like they don't care if I may ask what/who is sp is this a friend? If you need to talk you can always VM/PM me
   
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Re: not sure - May 3rd 2015, 01:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theaweseomrguy View Post
That is hard. The videos on YouTube can sometimes leave you triggered so I would advise you to not watch them if they trigger you which it seems they do. It can be hard when people seem like they don't care if I may ask what/who is sp is this a friend? If you need to talk you can always VM/PM me
Thank you for the response, Jake. Oh I just shortened Skin Picking to SP, like Self Harming is SH. Hope that makes sense :P
And yeah I know what you mean, I didn't realize how triggered I was still I had to stop the short film video on skin picking and at that point I just took a 5 minute breathing break. I would have been fine on just a video talking about it, instead of being so graphic with showing someone doing it in the shower.
   
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Re: not sure - May 3rd 2015, 05:56 AM

I actually think I know the exact video that you're talking about and I understand where you're coming from with finding it upsetting. In the past I have sometimes watched videos like that to purposely upset myself in the hopes of justifying my feelings in some way.

I agree with what was already said in trying to stay away from videos that you may find to be triggering. If you look on the recommended section on YouTube with the little icon that has a picture of the video and it seems upsetting, it's better for you to not click on it.

I disagree with what the person said to you. The severity or type of self-harm doesn't matter. What matters is that you feel the need to do this to yourself; that you're harming yourself because of something that you're going through. Any form of self-harm is just as serious as any other form of it. It's easy to think you have to prove something to someone, but you don't have to. You know yourself more than anyone else does; you know the truth about how you're feeling and no one can take the knowledge of the truth away from you.

I don't see a problem with not being ready to let go it it. I think self-harm is something that you can fully recover from when you're ready to let go of it, and I think a lot of people question whether or not they're ready at some point. Take your time, and let go when you're ready.


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Re: not sure - May 3rd 2015, 11:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calico. View Post
I actually think I know the exact video that you're talking about and I understand where you're coming from with finding it upsetting. In the past I have sometimes watched videos like that to purposely upset myself in the hopes of justifying my feelings in some way.

I agree with what was already said in trying to stay away from videos that you may find to be triggering. If you look on the recommended section on YouTube with the little icon that has a picture of the video and it seems upsetting, it's better for you to not click on it.

I disagree with what the person said to you. The severity or type of self-harm doesn't matter. What matters is that you feel the need to do this to yourself; that you're harming yourself because of something that you're going through. Any form of self-harm is just as serious as any other form of it. It's easy to think you have to prove something to someone, but you don't have to. You know yourself more than anyone else does; you know the truth about how you're feeling and no one can take the knowledge of the truth away from you.

I don't see a problem with not being ready to let go it it. I think self-harm is something that you can fully recover from when you're ready to let go of it, and I think a lot of people question whether or not they're ready at some point. Take your time, and let go when you're ready.
thank you Cassie for the response. I am trying to not skin pick or self harm in any way. I'm listening to music and finishing my school work. I was very close to relapsing and I didn't and I'm getting better at avoiding to skin pick as well. I just don't want people to look at that and say that means I never really had a problem in the first place :| But you're right, I shouldn't have to depend on others for validation.
   
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