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I tried ..... - May 3rd 2015, 04:05 AM

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Well I tried guys ... The rubber band didn't work. Nothing ever works. My leg hurts like h***. This is the most cuts I've ever given my self. 33 cuts now. I used a new razor I found in my dad's bathroom. Brandnew in the package, double sided steel blades. I was limping all day. I can tell my mom. I've been lying to her, that I'm not cutting. I've been lying to my school, I've been lying to my pysciatrist. They get mad at me they won't trust me anymore........ This is the first time I've felt sudicidal in months. Will they care if I'm gone ? On less cutter to deal with........ I don't know what to do. Even if I get the strength to tell them how will I ?
   
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Re: I tried ..... - May 3rd 2015, 04:24 AM

I am so sorry you have been feeling like this at the moment. To answer your question, absolutely people will care if you pass away. I mean your school will lose a student, your band will lose a drummer, your pets will lose a best mate. I mean that's assuming that you're a student, drummer and pet owner, but the point remains: you make a contribution to people's days and people's lives, whether you realise it or not. Behind the scenes, people care about you.

I mean I once had a friend who was self-harming, or at least had problems with self-harm in the past. Every single time she expressed that she was feeling low, I got scared for her, that she was going to relapse, or take her own life. I eventually wrote to her and told her that I was worried about her and she said "Seriously, I have my ups and downs, but I am not going anywhere." I mean she, in her bedroom on the rainy Sunday evening, contemplating whether to pick up the knives or whatever the case may be, she probably didn't know how I was feeling. She didn't know, that if I were to message her one morning and were answered by a policeman or someone in her family telling me that she had passed away, it would be fundamentally insane to me.

She didn't know I cared, but God, did I. People care about you, whether you can see it or not.

I recommend you get yourself some medical attention for those cuts, either through the purchase of Betadine or Saline or even through a presentation to hospital, depending on how bad they are. I also recommend you cling onto what got you through in the past. Something went right for you to avoid suicidal thoughts for months, as you mentioned. What was it? Try your best to remind yourself of the achievement and to find the kicker to go back to that.

I recommend you be honest with your psychiatrist. You shouldn't feel pressured to tell your parents, but your psychiatrist is the one with the real key in the fight against your own thoughts. They have a lot of experience and they are very difficult to shock. You could write things down and hand the details in some sort of letter to the counsellor, so you don't have to actually say it.

Finally, keep talking to us. Just keep writing about it, venting about it, letting it off your chest. It's enough to deal with without it bottling up. .


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Re: I tried ..... - May 3rd 2015, 11:04 PM

I am sorry you are going through all this but if you are feeling suicidal you need to tell someone and get help. Yes they will care if you were gone and all of us would care too!!

I would recommend you go talk to your school counselor as they can help you tell your parents and also recommend some places where you could get help.

I know this is scary but you will get through it. Life does get better . If you ever need to talk to someone you can PM or VM me.
   
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