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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Exclamation The worst. - May 4th 2015, 11:59 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Today was the worst day yet. I have never given myself so many cuts. I'm scared. Someone will see them. I really can't handle anyone knowing. I just... I can't stop and it hurts when I walk or move and I look like a walking cat scratching post. I just don't know what to do and no alternatives are working at all... There was so much blood. So much pain. I just couldn't stop. I'm terrified of what I'll do next. I've ran out of bandages and plasters too and I can't buy any more. I've tried witch hazel to make the scars fade even a bit but it just stings like hell and makes me feel sick smelling it all the time. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I'm sorry.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: The worst. - May 5th 2015, 03:40 AM

Hey there,

You said that you are scared, and that is something that is concerning to me. You are also doing more damage than you have done in the past, something else that is worrisome.

I know you may not want others to know, but I really strongly urge you to tell someone, because things seem to be taking a turn for the worst. Your health, both physically and emotionally, and your safety, are both important and you truly do not deserve to go through this alone. There are people out there that honestly and truly do care about you and would love to help, but you do have to open up to them. They can be someone to listen to you, and they can also help you cope and solve some of the problems you are going through.

Even though you ran out of bandages, try and keep the injuries as clean as possible to try and prevent infection. I'd also try and not put anything to reduce scars in open wounds so you don't get anything infected.

Maybe you can put your self harm tools somewhere hard to get at. For example, you can put them in a different room. Or, you can put them beneath a lot of different objects, or in a locked box (put the key somewhere else). That way, by the time you get to your tools, your urge may have faded some.

You should be so proud of yourself for at least trying alternatives. Keep trying different ones, because one is bound to work for you! Maybe you can try and go to a more public area or hang out with friends/family, because I know that for me it's hard to self harm when people may catch me.

You can do this.

-Dez


   
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Re: The worst. - May 5th 2015, 04:14 AM

I'm sorry you went through this today and I couldn't be there for you. Today has been busy for me. I'm so sorry. I'll be here tomorrow and if you ever want to talk I'm always here. I'm really sorry again. I feel like I let you down. But just know you are stronger than you think.

My advice would be to just put some antibiotic ointment on your cuts and cover them up with Band-Aids. It heals faster that way for me.

I hope we are still friends and I haven't let you down.

Please message me anytime about anything. I'm here for you and to listen to what you need to say. ♥

Xoxo, A


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Re: The worst. - May 5th 2015, 09:46 PM

Hi there.

Im sorry you're having to go through this horrible phase at the moment. It sounds really hard on you.

The main point I want to get across to you is that you aren't alone in this. I know sometimes it probably feels like you are but honestly, you everything but alone. So many people around you love and care about you; think about all your friends and family who would want to help and support you through what you are going through. That's what they are there for. They care and they want to be there. Don't feel like you're putting them under extra pressure or stress. Parents, especially, are there to look after their children, what ever age. It's okay for you to tell them what's going on, to let them in and to let them help you, you know? And other people are there for you too. Like your doctor, school counselors, or other counselors, teachers, helplines etc and of course, us. So you are never on your own in this. If you're struggling, reach out for help - don't suffer in silence.

Definitely keep on eye on you wounds and clean then regularly. If you think that they are getting infected then you need to see your doctor or a nurse to see whether you need to go on anti-biotics but hopefully that won't happen. But its always better to be safe so just keep an eye on them.

Have you ever made a self soothe box? I have one and have things like bath bombs, letters, photo's, glow bands (I snap one when I have urges and Im not allowed to self harm until its stopped glowing which is usually about 12 hours later by which time the urges have normally gone), a book, my fave dvd, stress balls, tangles, etc. Things that really calm me down in the moment. Maybe it'd be worth making your own. Keep trying to use alternatives and distract yourself too. I know it can get tiring but try doing the same things you've done and different things too because you just need to find what works for you, that's all.

I hope this helps a little, take good care of yourself.
Jessie.


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Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: The worst. - May 6th 2015, 09:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *~Sparkly Queer~* View Post
Hey there,

You said that you are scared, and that is something that is concerning to me. You are also doing more damage than you have done in the past, something else that is worrisome.

I know you may not want others to know, but I really strongly urge you to tell someone, because things seem to be taking a turn for the worst. Your health, both physically and emotionally, and your safety, are both important and you truly do not deserve to go through this alone. There are people out there that honestly and truly do care about you and would love to help, but you do have to open up to them. They can be someone to listen to you, and they can also help you cope and solve some of the problems you are going through.

Even though you ran out of bandages, try and keep the injuries as clean as possible to try and prevent infection. I'd also try and not put anything to reduce scars in open wounds so you don't get anything infected.

Maybe you can put your self harm tools somewhere hard to get at. For example, you can put them in a different room. Or, you can put them beneath a lot of different objects, or in a locked box (put the key somewhere else). That way, by the time you get to your tools, your urge may have faded some.

You should be so proud of yourself for at least trying alternatives. Keep trying different ones, because one is bound to work for you! Maybe you can try and go to a more public area or hang out with friends/family, because I know that for me it's hard to self harm when people may catch me.

You can do this.

-Dez
Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
Hi there.

Im sorry you're having to go through this horrible phase at the moment. It sounds really hard on you.

The main point I want to get across to you is that you aren't alone in this. I know sometimes it probably feels like you are but honestly, you everything but alone. So many people around you love and care about you; think about all your friends and family who would want to help and support you through what you are going through. That's what they are there for. They care and they want to be there. Don't feel like you're putting them under extra pressure or stress. Parents, especially, are there to look after their children, what ever age. It's okay for you to tell them what's going on, to let them in and to let them help you, you know? And other people are there for you too. Like your doctor, school counselors, or other counselors, teachers, helplines etc and of course, us. So you are never on your own in this. If you're struggling, reach out for help - don't suffer in silence.

Definitely keep on eye on you wounds and clean then regularly. If you think that they are getting infected then you need to see your doctor or a nurse to see whether you need to go on anti-biotics but hopefully that won't happen. But its always better to be safe so just keep an eye on them.

Have you ever made a self soothe box? I have one and have things like bath bombs, letters, photo's, glow bands (I snap one when I have urges and Im not allowed to self harm until its stopped glowing which is usually about 12 hours later by which time the urges have normally gone), a book, my fave dvd, stress balls, tangles, etc. Things that really calm me down in the moment. Maybe it'd be worth making your own. Keep trying to use alternatives and distract yourself too. I know it can get tiring but try doing the same things you've done and different things too because you just need to find what works for you, that's all.

I hope this helps a little, take good care of yourself.
Jessie.
Thank you so much for replying, it really means a lot.
Well, two of my friends know, but I really can't tell anyone else... And now they're both ignoring me and I don't know why; in fact, I'm being completely ignored by everyone I know, including my family. And they really don't care. I know they don't love me too much either, as they have said it to my face and behind my back. And anyways, it wouldn't be very useful to talk to my dad because he's never not drunk, and it would't be good to talk to my mum about it because she REALLY hates this sort of stuff. She'd institutionalize me or abandon me in some way. She is EXTREMELY offensive to "different" people, and already hates me because of who I am. I just feel so dead inside and so completely worthless. I can't even take care of MYSELF. And I put the witch hazel on the older cuts, but it still stung so much and was unbearably strongly scented. And although I have been keeping the wounds clean, they just hurt so much.

And as for the distractions and alternatives, I've tried everything on the alternatives thread and on the internet, and nothing is working even one bit. I've tried to lock up the tools too but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I knew I'd want them... I'm so weak and pathetic. And I've tried the self soothe box, but couldn't find anything to put in it. I don't really have much possessions, and it's really sad because nothing seems to make me happy any more. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amandaapandaa View Post
I'm sorry you went through this today and I couldn't be there for you. Today has been busy for me. I'm so sorry. I'll be here tomorrow and if you ever want to talk I'm always here. I'm really sorry again. I feel like I let you down. But just know you are stronger than you think.

My advice would be to just put some antibiotic ointment on your cuts and cover them up with Band-Aids. It heals faster that way for me.

I hope we are still friends and I haven't let you down.

Please message me anytime about anything. I'm here for you and to listen to what you need to say. ♥

Xoxo, A
Please don't be sorry! You haven't let me down at all! I've let MYSELF down, and no one else is to blame for this. It is my own fault, and please don't ever think that you need to be here 24/7, you have a life and you need to live it. I'm really sorry for making you think these things and for taking up your time.
Thank you so much for all your help <3
   
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Re: The worst. - May 7th 2015, 04:08 AM

Hey there,

It sounds to me like things are spiraling out of control right now. I know how that feels and I want you to know you can get through this. It sounds like your support network is very slim. But, you can find support. I know you are worried about your parents finding out about this but the fact of the matter is that in order for you to get help for this you should consider telling them. I know from experience that it takes a lot to institutionalize someone. It's almost impossible where I live because there are laws that regulate it. If you are in the USA you would have those same laws in place. I don't know where you are but I do know that if you are in the USA insurance companies will only pay for treatment for so long. So, even if you were put into a hospital you might not have to stay that long. But, that is the worst case scenario.

I know that the alternatives aren't working but keep trying to use them. I know it took a long time for the alternatives to work on me. I kept turning to them and getting no results and one day I just sat there and did a bunch of alternatives and was able to find the ones that work for me.

I know this wasn't a lot of help but I thought I would add my two cents. If you need anything feel free to message me.


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Re: The worst. - May 8th 2015, 08:06 PM

Thank you everyone who has replied on this thread and my other threads; thank you for being there for me when I needed it. [Edited.]

Last edited by cynefin; May 9th 2015 at 03:35 AM. Reason: Removing suicide note.
   
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