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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Liz12Girl Offline
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Unhappy I can't stop - June 29th 2015, 03:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So this is gonna be long, please bear with me.

Basically, I self harm. I started when I was 9. I'm nearly 12 now. And I can't stop. I've self harmed for about 2 weeks in a row, every single day. I don't even want to stop. I cut, scratch, burn, anything I can do to harm myself. It takes less and less to make me want to do it. Like today, in the car, I needed the loo, and i said that, and my grandad laughed and said I should have gone earlier. I was so embarrassed I wished I never said anything, so I self harmed. I scar really easily, and so people often notice. But people noticing just makes me do it more because I think I'm a pig for doing it and I'm probably attention seeking anyway. I can't tell anyone. I'm not even sure I want to. My mum wouldn't understand. Once in year 5, I self harmed, the teacher caught me and my mum was phoned. She thought I was suicidal. I am not suicidal. And she phoned my dad about it. My dad said he was disappointed in me. I cut real bad all up my leg that time because I don't like making my dad upset. I'm basically a people pleaser. Everyone tells me that. I hate upsetting people which is why I can't tell anyone . I read on google that kids who self harm are 100 times more likely to commit suicide. That scares me. I don't know what to do. Any advice is most appreciated. Thanks.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I can't stop - June 29th 2015, 03:15 AM

Hi there,

I know you may not want to tell anyone because you don't want to upset people, but think of it this way. I bet they'd rather know that you are getting help and getting support, rather than find out in some other way, such as things getting worse (ie you needing stitches or getting an infection). I bet that they would rather know that you are safe, rather than having to take you to the hospital.

You are not an attention seeker either. You aren't doing anything to brag about or "show off" your cuts, and even if you were, that would still be something to look into. But you are not an attention seeker and have nothing to be ashamed of. Self harm is an addiction after all.

It is unfortunately a common misconception that self harm is a suicide attempt or means that you are suicidal. As you are aware, that is not always the case, and self harm is used as a coping mechanism more than anything else. You said that your mom wouldn't understand because she was someone that thought that herself. Maybe you can print out pamphlets or borrow books from the library that explain what self harm is and is not. That may make things clearer, or you can ask someone at school such as a teacher or guidance counselor to explain things. It may help as well.

But your health and safety is important and you said something which strikes me: Some of the things related to self harm scare you. Remember that you are important and you shouldn't push your needs aside like that.

These are alternatives to self harm. Try and find some alternatives that work for you. Even though it can take a few tries, it is really worth the effort to find other things you can do so you don't have these worries anymore. I know that for some of the emotions you've described, I've torn up other objects such as paper to get out my emotions instead of hurting myself. Writing, art, and music are all other good ways to express things, or even exercise.

Self harm isn't worth it, and I know you can beat this.

-Dez


   
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Re: I can't stop - June 29th 2015, 03:19 AM

Thank you, I'll try and find some leaflets about self harm to show my mum. I have researched about self harm, I'll print out my favourites. I dunno whether to give it to her directly or to leave it on her bed after I go to bed so she'll have the night to think it over. I'm sorta scared how she might react though.
   
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Re: I can't stop - June 29th 2015, 03:23 AM

Either option can be good! I'd say do whatever you feel more comfortable with. She'll still want to talk to you but at least she'll have information. People can react in different ways, but hopefully this sheds light on things.


   
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Re: I can't stop - June 29th 2015, 02:58 PM

I think the options you are exploring a good ones and I feel it's a good idea to tell your mother and also try to help her understand. I hope it goes well. Best wishes.
   
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Re: I can't stop - June 30th 2015, 04:50 AM

Hi, just an update, I was going to tell my mum today, but I sort of chickened out because I'm a lazy coward. I self harmed once today, only a scratch, but then I was in the pool, I jumped in, splashed everyone. My grandad started giving me a lecture on how rude I was. I didn't start screaming, but I got the urge real bad. He doesn't know about my self harm. I think he sensed something was wrong. He said "stop having another paddy, you're behaving like a 2 year old." I still fought the urge to self harm . I actually managed it! Not that I expect anyone to be PROUD of me, but I did it. I'm still scared of telling anyone though. I'm a real wimp.
   
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Re: I can't stop - June 30th 2015, 12:52 PM

Hi,
You're not a coward for not telling your mum right now. Honestly, I've been trying to tell her for over a year now and I always chicken out. Also, if telling straight to her face is to hard, maybe you could try leaving a letter for her to read? That way once you placed it you can't back out of it again and you can take all the time in the world to get the words right.

Fighting an urge is a reason to be proud. Be proud of yourself! That's the most important thing to remember. You're not fighting this for anyone else, but for yourself and no matter what anyone says, you have every right to be proud of yourself for fighting this!


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
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Re: I can't stop - June 30th 2015, 01:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DiplomaticStrawberries View Post
Hi, just an update, I was going to tell my mum today, but I sort of chickened out because I'm a lazy coward. I self harmed once today, only a scratch, but then I was in the pool, I jumped in, splashed everyone. My grandad started giving me a lecture on how rude I was. I didn't start screaming, but I got the urge real bad. He doesn't know about my self harm. I think he sensed something was wrong. He said "stop having another paddy, you're behaving like a 2 year old." I still fought the urge to self harm . I actually managed it! Not that I expect anyone to be PROUD of me, but I did it. I'm still scared of telling anyone though. I'm a real wimp.
Hi Liz,

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't manage to tell your mum today, but I don't think you're a coward or a wimp at all. You're an amazing person like everyone else here but we're all struggling with something. You tried to tell your mum and you said you even printed out leaflets which is more than I have ever done and you should be proud of yourself because even considering telling someone you care about is not an easy task and you shouldn't worry about not managing it the first time.

You're received a lot of great advice from Dez, L4Y and Etari so I just hope you know that we're all here to support you no matter what your decision to do is and you're open to contact any of us if you need any more support.

I also just want you to know that I am proud of you, fighting the urge to self-harm is a difficult task and it requires a lot of self control and bravery. You may have slipped up before controlling your urges, but that's just something that will happen on the journey to recovery. I know it might seem hard and that nothing is getting better, but I can tell that you have a bright future ahead of you and you're going to beat this.

I know Dez posted this link earlier but I'm going to drop it here again just so you don't forget about these useful tips when you're feeling down or you're struggling to control your urges.

If you ever need anybody to talk to, you're free to send me a PM or if you just want a chat you can send me a VM, I'd be more than happy to try and help you out.

Look after yourself and stay strong my dear,

Jack.


PM/VM Me if you need any sort of help, I welcome ANYONE who wants to talk.



"In case you didn't know, dead people don't bleed. If you can bleed, see it, feel it, then you know you're alive. It's irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I can't stop - July 2nd 2015, 08:38 PM

Hey there,

I think it's great you are considering telling your mom. I know that this can be a difficult thing to do though. Just because you 'chickened' out doesn't mean you are a lazy coward. I think that a lot of people would 'chicken' out on the first try of telling their parents about their self harm. I think it would be a really good idea to print out leaflets and leave them in a place where your mom will find them. I know it might be hard to do but in the end I think that you will find it is easier talking to her about this if you have some backup information.

Do you think that trying the alternatives would help you work on overcoming the self harm urges? I know that some of the alternatives have helped me quite a bit. One alternative that I like quite a bit is joining the chat room. I've kept myself really busy in the chat room when I was having urges to harm myself.

I hope that this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.


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