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jamdoughnut Offline
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No way out - July 16th 2015, 04:17 AM

I have no way out.
Im trapped in this house all day nearly everyday and hes always here. He never goes away. He never stops. Never. For gods sake his name is jesus, his name is holy...he doesnt deserve to be called that. He doesnt love me. He never has and no matter what i do he probably never will. All he does is talk shit and hurt me and make me hate myself even more than i already do. And i have to sit there and take it. I wish he would get out of my life. He makes me hate myself, and so i want to cut myself because i actually believe it. I dont even remeber how long its been, maybe a couple weeks,i dont know. But i dont even care about geting better anymore, theres nothing to make me not want to do it, nothing to stop me from it. I even find myself reading triggering posts to make myself want to do it. I just dont care about myself anymore. who gives a fuck? And its getting so much stronger. Befor i would just cut on my right shoulder and my lower back to satisfy the urges but now i feel it stronger on my arms. Thats really bad. If anyone were to ever find out i would be done. All of the truth would be revealed and it would probubly tear this family apart. Alternatives arent working. All of my friends that do know about it are either tired of my problems or away, or talking about it would only trigger them. So im stuck with these feelings in this house with the one guy who started it all. And he has no idea. He is my brother, so i still love him (though thats getting harder and harder to believe) but i cant handle him in my life anymore. No way out. Is there hope for the hopeless? I dont even care anymore. I have thst choking feeling in my throat, i cant breath. I dont even want to sleep, im scared ill get nightmares about it and thatll make it even worse. What the hell am i supposed to do?
my god, my life is in your hands....

Last edited by jamdoughnut; July 16th 2015 at 05:01 AM.
   
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Bluetears Offline
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Re: No way out - July 18th 2015, 06:09 AM

Hey

Please please please, get help from a teacher or school counselor. You probably won't believe this, but you don't deserve to be going through all this. No one does. You deserve so much better I know it's scary. But you really do need to get help from an adult to, well, help you Cx Just by posting this thread shows you care even a tiny bit about yourself. I'm here if you need anyone to talk to


"Remember your loved and you always will be. This melody will bring you right back home." - Linkin park, The messenger. Stay strong everyone!! You are always strong enough to get through whatever life throws your way, no matter how hard it may seem.
   
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Re: No way out - July 19th 2015, 03:03 AM

Hey, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a brother who hated me, and I started to self-harm over a year ago partly because of that. I have been self-harm free for four months now, but I remember how hard it is to stop.
If you need somebody to talk to, I'm ALWAYS here. I promise you, you do not deserve to do this to yourself. Private message me anytime. I'll help any way I can.
Don't give up hope. Everything will be okay. You can get through this. There is ALWAYS hope. Again' I'm here if you need anything.



"I've decided to stick with love. Hate is too great aburden to bear." Martin Luther king Jr.
   
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Re: No way out - July 20th 2015, 02:23 AM

There's always a way out, you just have to look hard enough to find it.
   
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Re: No way out - July 22nd 2015, 06:31 AM

There is hope for you. I believe that no one is past the point of saving. I think that you need to consider talking to an adult about how you are feeling. Let them know what you are struggling with and why. An adult could help you work on getting help and help you work on getting to a better place.

If you ever want to chat please feel free to message me.


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