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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Guilty, But I Don't Want To Stop - July 23rd 2015, 02:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I know I don't post enough support, and I'm really sorry for that. I feel guilty, because I really like the relationship I have with my family, but whenever self harm is discussed, it's always in a really negative light. And I don't understand. I cut, rarely, and I pick at my skin and bite my lips till they bleed and chew off the skin around my fingers and bite to leave bruises, but it makes me feel better. I don't know how to talk about my problems, because when I do it creates such a rift between me and my mom that I feel awful for weeks. To fix it I just pretend I have no cares again and apologize. I've never once spoken about what I do to her, and the one time she saw a cut I just said I played to rough with my dog and she bought it. But I feel really guilty that I like it so much and have lied to her. Ever since we moved to Michigan it's become even harder, and I had rotated some vertebrae and am now in PT to fix it. I don't want to add another concern, and since we all hate it here, my dad is moving us to Tennessee. But my mom told me I would not be allowed to help because I hurt my back (not even on purpose like everything else). I don't want to feel useless. I want to help. And I want to understand why self harm is so bad when I feel so much better afterwards. I labeled it as triggering, because I know a lot of people are trying to stop. But when I'm cutting and feel awful, the reasons not to cut and alternatives seem awful to me, and then my guilt is tripled because there are people who cut so much more than me and are trying to stop and I'm over here laughing and crying at the reasons not to and the reasons to go on while I dig my [Edited]. I don't want to die (usually) and I don't cut dangerously deep. I just want to hurt. Can someone please help me understand?

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Last edited by .:Bibliophile:.; July 23rd 2015 at 04:14 AM. Reason: Please do not post methods of self harm. :)
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Re: Guilty, But I Don't Want To Stop - July 23rd 2015, 03:35 AM

You don't need to be feeling like that honestly.
Why not talk to someone like me personally?
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Re: Guilty, But I Don't Want To Stop - July 23rd 2015, 04:17 AM

Hey there,

Cutting is 'bad' because a person is deliberately harming themselves. No one deserves to hurt like that. I think the reason it makes you feel better is because it releases endorphins. This contributes to the feel good feeling you are getting.

I know you are worried about the responses you might get if you open up about this but I think the main way you can work on trying to get help is if you open up to your parents about this and see if they could get you into therapy or something like that.

Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life or online? Sometimes just having someone to vent to can be helpful.

I hope this helped in some way and if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

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Re: Guilty, But I Don't Want To Stop - July 23rd 2015, 04:48 PM

Hi there.

I am sorry you are going through this right now. I am glad you reached out to us at TeenHelp though.

When we hurt ourselves it releases endorphin's which does make us feel better but other things like doing sport also releases endorphin's too. Self harming isn't a good thing and is "bad" because nobody wants someone to be hurting themselves because they feel that low about something or that bad about themselves. I've been self harming severely for 12 years now because of how I feel about myself and because of things that have happened in my past and there was a point where my mum started to plan my funeral when things got really bad before I was sectioned. It hurt her, to see me hurting myself. And she's self harmed before too and I can tell you it hurt me to see her hurt herself too. I didn't want my mum to cut herself. I didn't want her to feel so bad inside that she felt that's what she had to turn to, you know?

Alternatives are good because they help us when we're struggling. They help to keep is safe from self harm. Do you try using them? I know it cane be hard and I get that but maybe you could try them?

If you want to talk about anything, know that we're here to listen to you and we'll do our best to support you in any way that we can. You aren't alone in going through this, okay?

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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