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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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The Doctors Wolf
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Question I can't stop holding the razor - September 25th 2015, 04:51 PM

Sorry I accidentally listen in depression about this but now I've got it in the right place.

Ok here goes

I have been self harming for 4 years. It started when I was bullied when I was 10 the kids bullied me verbally and physically and even cyberbullying telling me that I sucked and didn't belong and a ton more things I probably shouldnt say. Well that took my innocent beautiful childhood and ripped it away too soon. I started but just banging my head on the wall or hitting myself hard enough to make bruises. I almost committed suicide 3 times this all happened till i was 12 when we moved away from those awful kids. Then my sweet dog who helped me through it all (my parents didn't really help) got killed by a car and that started the cutting. It was about once a week but then it got worse I now cut almost every day using a razor. It takes away the pain. Now people won't accept me for who I am. I have suspected that I have dyslexia because I have most of the symptoms and spell check is my best friend and I have been told by multiple people that I have ADHD but my parents don't believe me. So now I'm just caught where I can't control some things nd people tease and hate me I've been cutting more. When I told my parents a few years ago that I was suicidal they yelled Me and dared me to do it right there while I cried. So I don't think they will take the self harm very well how can I slow it down? How can I hide it? And what can I do if my parents find out? And what did yours do? Thanks
   
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Re: I can't stop holding the razor - September 26th 2015, 12:08 AM

Hey

I felt so awful reading your story. I know how you feel and I know how hard it can be to deal with a lot of pain in your life, and to feel like your alone. And I know how hard it is to feel like you can't stop, how hard it is to put the razor down. But please, you must. You are so much stronger than this, I know you are. You said you tried to commit suicide, you were bullied, that your not accepted for who you are, but you were strong enough to make it through that, and that your strong enough to make it through this. I'm so sorry you feel like this, you don't deserve any of this. Your still here for a reason, just remember that.
And I'm sorry that your parents reacted so badly, I guess some people just can't understand this kind of thing unless they've experienced it themselves. They shouldn't treat you like this,they should love you and support you. If you can't talk to them, try taeking to someone else you trust, like a teacher or another family member, or even a counselor if you're up to it. Please, just know that your not alone, you have the support of all of us here on teen helphelpand I'm sure there is someone else in your life that will listen. I'm always here, PM me whenever you like. And when things are tough, just have hope, and take it day by day.I know that you've heard this a million times, but things do get better, I promise. All you need is hope, and you'll make it through the rough patch.


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Re: I can't stop holding the razor - September 26th 2015, 05:28 AM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling a lot right now. I know how amazing animals can be in recovery and I can't imagine how losing your dog felt, let alone losing your dog in that tragic way.

You've been through a lot with being bullied and I hope you know how strong you are for getting through that. You didn't deserve to be treated like that at all; there's no excuse for that kind of behavior. I think you'd benefit if you kind of talked back to what these people tell you. If they say something negative, put a positive spin on it and make sure you enforce those positive things to yourself. Do you like art? Drawing can be calming. Take a positive quote and a few crayons. Write the quote in one color, then go over it or around it with another, and so on. This will help keep you relaxed and it will eventually enforce positive things. I do think you should talk to someone about how your peers are treating you; have you talked to anyone about this?

Since your parents haven't supported you through the possibility of having ADHD, I think you should talk to someone else about it. School counselors and teachers tend to see this a lot in students, so maybe you can ask them about it?

It must be tough to feel like your parents aren't supportive of what you're going through. My parents were angry when they found out, but they eventually came around when they learned more about what I was going through. Most parents react negatively at first. Self-harm and suicide are a big deal, and they often don't know how to cope with this information. They usually need some more time to process what you've told them. I suggest building up some trust. Don't tell them about the self-harm right away. Start with small things and see how they react to those things first. For instance, you could tell them when you've had a bad day or you can tell them about the way people treat you in school. If, based on those things, you don't think they'll support you, then you don't have to tell them. What you're going through is your story to tell. Even if you don't tell them I do think you should tell someone else you trust. Maybe you can talk to a teacher, friend, family member, or the school counselor. Do be careful with who you tell because some things may have to be reported back to your parents.

Do you use any alternatives to help you cope before you self-harm? When you want to self-harm, make yourself try a few distractions first. Here are some. I think wanting to self-harm can sometimes have a lot to do with bottling things up inside, so try to express yourself whenever you can. Express yourself through hobbies, like writing, drawing, or photography. Listen to music, call a hotline, journal, or blog. Just don't keep things inside.

Let me know if you need anything.


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Re: I can't stop holding the razor - September 27th 2015, 12:08 AM

Hey, as Calico suggested, it might be a good idea to find some alternatives to cutting so you can find something else to do instead. I know there are some in that list that give you the same sensation of pain as cutting does, but you aren't actually cutting. It is a pretty good list to read. Having your parents react badly can be really hard when they find out something important. Instead of talking to them about the self harm, why don't you talk to a counsellor or teacher? Any trusted adult would be fine really. I can't tell you how my parents reacted when they found because they still don't know. It also might be a good idea to talk to a trusted adult about how you think you have dyslexia and ADHD as they might be able to help you with it. Another thing Calico suggested is finding a positive quote. I actually never really thought about that but now it has been mentioned, I think it would actually be a really great thing to help.

Good luck with everything


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